chatterbox512 Posted January 6, 2011 Report Share Posted January 6, 2011 To day is not going so great. I began having flashbacks again about my abuse and abuser. I haven't had them in years, and suddenly on my way home and Wham, here they come. This sucks!!My chiropractor told me that my neck issues are more than likely steming from an old injury. Mind you I have never injured my back that I know of. So on my way home I began to flash back to when my father used to push my head on to his 'you know what' and when I wouldn't open my mouth he would push my head down until I had to open my mouth. He would tell me "please do this for me, don't I deserve this" and then when he would cum he would quickly pull out of my mouth and get it all over his stomach. I don't remember much about how I felt about it, but I remember I cried. I couldn't understand why this was happening to me. I do remember feeling soo dirty afterwards, but at the same time like I did something right for once. As much as I hated what he did, I invited it on myself. If only I had tried alittle harder to not let him put himself in my mouth. If only I had not given in when he came down and kept pretending I was sleeping, he would have left me alone. I am soooo angry with myself right now, because I allowed this to happen, and continue for 8 years. I remember that he had a dark chocolate colored leather chair that spun in circles and was really comfortable. He loved that chair, and it was only his. He had his office in the basement and would come down to work late at night. (oh by the way, I also had my bed and clothes in the basement where I slept, it wasn't a room though). This is where some of the 'stuff' would happen. I began to look forward to this intimacy with him, because it was the only source of closeness I got from any of my family. Why WHY WHY?? I am such a dirty little girl, I don't know how to say no. I suck, I don't deserve to be living right now and influencing my son. If I could bring this on from my father what will I teach my son. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. Huummm, that really sounds like a good idea right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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