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Disturbed


Fox1990
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Both my mom and I are dealing with soooo much. All the pressure is unbearable. I am extremely depressed or in an extreme rage.

I have found myself of having thoughts of killing my mom and then commiting suicide.

I wouldn't kill my mom because i am mad at her but simply because i dont want her to suffer anymore if she's dead she can't feel anymore, right? She'd be with our Heavenly Father, walking in green pastures.

Then, well, the suicide is obvious.

I can actually visualize the act in my head.

This is definitely disturbing to me and it scares the hell out of me.

Am i some kind of monster?

-Fox

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You're definitely not a monster.

You may be in some trouble, though. Would you consider going to get help?

You might feel like you'd be ending your mother's suffering, but have you asked her opinion about it? I don't think death is a good solution to anything, but it's definitely not something we get to apply to others ...

If you do believe in a Heavenly Father, you already know He's not much in favor of killing, and that includes suicide. Perhaps He has some other way that He can be of help, though. Have you asked?

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I feel like a monster. Definitely.

Getting help? Wouldn't they put me away? Put on my record that i could be homicidal? What kind of career could i have after that? I don't think so.

I know she would not want to die, and i dont want to take away anything but i hate to see her hurting. it hurts me. i love her too much.

I know God is not in favor of murder and not suicide either. But can't He understand how pain i'm in? Surely He could forgive me.

Yes, i talk to God everyday. I don't blame Him for anything but i know He lets things happen.

This just seems hopeless.

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