This Should be in Sexuality Issues

[stj17]

I could write a real lot here, but I'm going to keep it as short and simple as possible.

I just turned 20. This causes me much stress and mental anguish, though this is not my focus. I'm a gay male and I have known about my sexuality since the age of about 12 or 13, but didn't quite accept it fully until I was 15. I've never been in a sexual or romantic relationship with any person yet.

Obviously 5 years have passed, and I'm still attracted to, well, "children," of that age. That is, the age of 15-ish. Not all of them obviously, just some. I don't know if I see this as a problem or not. I think it's relevant to add that I'm also attracted to guys my age and men that are significantly older.

I'm not sure if this is okay or not. I don't know if it's the skewed view of pedophilia by society that makes me feel so horrible about this, or if it is something that is completely natural and common, or if there is actually something wrong with me.

Please respond kindly and refrain from discussing shock treatments.

Thanks.

EDIT: It might also be important to add that I tend to think extensively on topics such as this and render myself weary and exhausted. I'm fairly educated psychologically and don't believe that I have any sort of disorder, though I think I'm probably relatively close-ish.

[Fox1990]

Hey stj17,

First off, welcome to the forum! My name is Fox, nice to meet you.

I think a lot of your anxiety is obsessing over this issue. I do not think this pedophilia, i believe it's natural. Think about it for a sec, you said you didn't full come to terms with being gay until you were 15; perhaps you are sexually & emotionally (when it comes to being gay) stuck at that age. You know? It makes sense if you look at it in that perspective :-)

I think as you grow more mature as a gay man and have relationships you will see the attraction of the "children" age die down.

You haven't really been acting as a gay male for very long! You just have to give yourself some time to really fit into it. Besides, like i said, when you have a relationship it will be different.

So, with all that being said, please lay your worries down. There is nothing wrong with you.

If you would like to discuss this further or discuss any other worries feel free to PM (private message) me anytime.

Good luck.

-Fox

[stj17]

Thanks Fox!

This is something I have heard before, but mostly in reference to people with severe issues. That is, getting stuck emotionally/mentally at a certain age due to some sort of life-changing event.

It just feels strange to me that a college sophomore would be significantly attracted to a high school freshman. And even more strange is that I would never tell anyone about this in real life. If I mentioned this to any of my friends they would be really weirded out!

I also think it's kind of strange that I've never been with anyone before. I guess I can say that I haven't ever found someone I'm interested in and compatible with, though I see that this doesn't stop most people from getting their feet wet in the waters of homosexual activity.

I guess I'll just see what happens. But then what if I get to know this boy? The 15 year old. Obviously it's not legal for me to have sexual relations with him. But since I'm attracted then obviously it's sort of a given that I have that kind of desire, whether or not I'd do anything.

[Fox1990]

Most welcome!

I think you are attracted to the dude that age is because intellectualy (on the gay level) you are his same age.

You know, i haven't found anyone i'm interested in either. That goes for straight, gay, or bi. Relationships are tricky either way.

You can have a relationship with the boy but i would caution you about developing a sexual aspect.

It's about choice too, you have the choice to act on what you are feeling.

Just do what you think is right, yeah?

-Fox

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Stj'

Its OK to feel attracted to boys who are 15 as long as you do nothing about it. At your age, 15 is not much younger than you. However, the law still prohibits having sex with someone under the legal age, even if they agree.

No, its not abnormal to feel attracted. I am sure that heterosexual men your age feel attracted to 15 year old girls. Again, they are not allowed to act on it.

As for feeling attracted to older men, I see nothing wrong with that either. In that case, there is no legal issue. Just be careful to protect yourself from HIV.

I agree with Fox that you obsess and the reason is that you are filled with anxiety.

Also, this is a good issue to bring to the sexuality forumn.

Your thoughts?

Allan

[Luna-]

I have moved it.

[stj17]

Thanks everyone.

So is it just illegal to have sex, or is it illegal to be romantically involved in any way at all?

Nothing will happen; I don't even know him (yet?). I just would like to know the specifics. I guess you're all right. It's just hard because I know that if I told most people they wouldn't be accepting of such a huge age difference.

Stupid society makes the views of the people too rigid! Haha

[Nessie]

So is it just illegal to have sex, or is it illegal to be romantically involved in any way at all?

I guess it really depends on what your level of self-control is...being romantically involved may or may not be illegal..but would that put you at risk of trying to act upon your feelings?

If so, at that point, you are probably doing something illegal and depending on where you live, the consequences could be very harsh and affect you for a lifetime...including being required by law to register as a Sex Offender, which may put you on websites where friends, family, neighbors (or anyone) could find you, among other things.

So gay or not, it might be healthier for you to seek involvement with people your own age, or at the very least, people who are of a legal age?

[stj17]

I kind of ignored this for a while and forgot to reply.

Everything I said still stands.

I know this isn't the right way at all to go about this, but is anyone very familiar with the sexual consent laws of NY state? I am well aware that we cannot have sexual intercourse because I'm 20 and he's 15, but is that where the line is drawn? I feel like I'm probably not even allowed to imply that I have romantic desire.

And I'm strongly considering that I have some sort of anxiety issue, taking into account the amount of thought and paranoia that has gone into this.

-stj

[Guest ASchwartz]

Stj,

By law, you, as a 20 year old adult, cannot have sex with someone who is fifteen. You should not even be in a romantic relationship. You are in very real danger of being accused of child abuse and molestation. Please understand that I am responding to your question and am not meaning to sound harsh. In fact, you do really need to protect yourself. These are criminal charges, felony in nature. Aren't there people your own age or somewhat older?

Also, how did you meet him?

Allan

[Nessie]

You are in very real danger of being accused of child abuse and molestation.

That is actually a very good point, I took a huge risk dating a 17 year old guy when I was 19...and later found out that he was telling people we were sexually involved when we were not.

I believe I'm incredibly lucky that it never got back to anyone who would have tried to press charges (say, his parents) because it's hard to say what would have happened to me. As, I'm not sure how I would be able to contest such charges since it would end up being my word against his. And even if my name was cleared, I'm sure the legal expenses of defending myself...and the implications to friends and family of such allegations (even if untrue) on something like this...could have been devastating.

So yeah, even if you have perfect self-control, there still are no guarantees you would be safe from some kid making something up. Hopefully the legal system and your lawyer would be good enough to rightly get you off if you are innocent, but at what financial cost to yourself?

You are still so young, surely a 15 year old isn't the only person out there for you? Are there places you can meet people who are at least of a legal age?