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Not really sure where this goes


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Posting here because it seems like there are possibly a range of different issues that I'm letting bring me down, though most of them are somewhat sexual in nature I guess.

I'm scheduled to see a therapist at the end of the month but I feel like I'm spiraling down pretty fast and feel like this is an eternity to wait.

Anyone have any opinions or ideas on how to start teasing this all apart? I figure if nothing else, maybe I can get some good leads so I'm able to get more out of therapy, and faster, because I have some idea what my real issues...because as of now, I seem to change my mind a couple of times a day here, heh.

Here's the possible laundry list I have so far:

  • Fear that I have a small penis.
  • Fear of living the rest of my life with a small penis.
  • Fear and anger that I'm smaller than my male partner.
  • Anger at not having any control over my penis size.
  • Low self-esteem.
  • General dysthymia (sp? I don't really seem to derive pleasure from much of anything anymore)
  • Fear of letting myself fall in love.
  • Fear that I might invest in a partner that (statistically speaking) is probably likely to die about 10 years earlier than me, leaving me to be alone at the end of my life (I know, this one seems odd but I keep thinking about it)
  • Fear that I'm going to lose my job (I've never lost a job, ever).
  • Dissatisfaction with my job (the work has become boring, I don't feel like my line of work is making the world a better place)
  • Dissatisfaction with my co-workers (I feel like I'm surrounded by a bunch of selfish adolescent boys that have no respect for anyone's boundaries)
  • Sexual abuse as a child (which possibly relates to penis size again - imagine comparing the sexual development of a child with a young adult)
  • Seasonal affective disorder
  • Brain chemistry problems?
  • Perfectionist personality type - almost nothing is ever quite good enough

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Guest SomethingOrOther

Hi Nessie,

I think having such a list is a good way to give your therapist an impression of the issues you want to work on. I would leave it like that and if you find more things to add, just add them, because I think it's good to make the list as acurate as possible. You could for yourself try to put the points about fear or dissatisfaction on one side, because those are the things you feel, and the possible diagnosis you wonder about and reasons you think about on the other side to give it more structure.

But you say you're spiralling down at the moment, so I wonder if you know what causes that? Is it to do with the appointment? Is there something that would help you stay more "up" now?


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