Terrible psychotherapist? Opinions and suggestions please!

[Rapha]

I would like opinions on my psychotherapist's behavior near the conclusion of my therapy. If you haven't read my whole story (which is quite lengthy), click here to read the thread.

Here are a few excerpts from that thread:

Finally to transference, the whole point of this post/thread. It has been really strange working with my psychotherapist since Song Day. As I mentioned earlier, I wonder sometimes if he has a clue. It seems just a mite odd that someone who uses [multiple lines] following his signature to list all his degrees, specialties, areas of expertise, etc. (takes up nearly the whole darn page) would not recognize this as transference, particularly in the case of someone who was doing as miserably as I was when I began PT and OT. [Remember I was completely non-functional for the five months prior to starting PT and OT.]

Everything I did for and gave to the therapists - the song, the comments, even a little tribute album I made for Priti, I gave to my psychotherapist because I had nothing to hide. I was thankful for and excited about the amazing part Priti had played in my healing, and wanted to encourage and affirm her to carry on and help others to heal as she had me. I was confident that once Priti and Traci understood where I was coming from, they would breathe a sigh of relief and all would be well in the world. Alas, that never happened.

As I said earlier, the comments were more deeply personal than the song. The countless allusions about Priti reminding me of my daughter, my wife and my mother all seem to point toward transference. Having read just an hour or so about it online, I believe this is what happened.

Incidentally, I came extremely close to overdosing on drugs two days after Song Day, in great part because of the way my psychotherapist handled me during his terse three-minute monologue the day after Song Day. I have NEVER been anywhere close to taking an overdose before, despite years of depression and chronic pain. Until that day.

Several weeks later, the psychotherapist told me just how negative Traci's (the OT’s) reaction was toward me because of the song, I bawled. I have cried numerous times since then, something I hadn't even been able to do for at least two years before meeting Priti despite my incredible physical pain. One night I wailed uncontrollably for fifteen minutes. Scared the hell out of my wife — she wanted to take me to the emergency room — and I don't know what my kids thought of it.

I want to give you the exact details of what happened with my psychotherapist over the nine months I saw him. So here goes.

I had been depressed continuously for seven years when I started with him, with the most recent two of those seven being in severe depression where I could barely work at all. I had not been able to work a forty-hour week since 2002, and when I started psychotherapy with him I had been virtually bedridden and almost entirely non-functional for the previous nine months.

My psychotherapy schedule with Dr G consisted of 30 minute appointments (which he usually shorted to around 27 minutes) and proceeded as follows:

• 1/5,
  1/14
  
  
• 2/1,
  2/9,
  2/16
  
  
• 3/2,
  3/9,
  3/16,
  3/30
  
  
• 4/13,
  4/27
  
  
• 5/11
  
  
• 6/15
  
  
• 7/20
  
  
• 8/11,
  8/24 (Dr G did most of the talking - not therapy - on 8/24)
  
  
• 9/8,
  9/21 (no therapy on 9/21 - we interviewed Dr G)
  
  

Adding up the sessions, this is less than 8 hours of total psychotherapy over a 9-month period for someone who has been in moderate to severe depression for eight consecutive years.

I am a Christian, and while I generally didn't bring up my faith in therapy, he seemed to be constantly alluding to it. It seemed to make him uncomfortable for some reason, as though he had to apologize for suggesting certain approaches to mental pain management and healing. I felt from the beginning as though he was uncomfortable with me and my wife, which of course made us feel uncomfortable with him.

One other strange thing happened. When my wife would accompany me, his entire demeanor would light up and he would very enthusiastically interact with her. I don't know if he realized he was doing this, but it was quite odd and made me feel uncomfortable about him.

I was so out of it that I didn't really take in much of anything those first several months. I certainly don't remember much. I guess I just went and talked. The one thing I remember doing was reading the Jon Kabat-Zinn book Full Catastrophe Living, which he had suggested. I didn't find it particularly helpful, though the deep breathing helped me relax some.

Once I started PT and OT in March my mental health and functionality improved some. There are several factors which contributed to my improvement in the late spring and summer. There are obviously the positive feelings that I had toward my therapists, including a deep adoration of my PT in the first two months (through later May). There were the therapies themselves which were top-notch. There were the longer, sunnier and warmer days which can help with depression and chronic pain. There was the fact that I lost enough weight by March to finally be able to wear my prosthesis again. There was the fact that I would go out two or three times per week for about an hour each to spend time in the sun so I could get vitamin D to combat the depression and heat to combat the chronic pain.

The improvement had nothing to do with him. By then he was seeing me just once a month for less than 30 minutes anyway. I've heard recently that for someone in severe depression, they should be seeing a psychotherapist at a minimum of once per week for 50 minute sessions. Any thoughts on this? I'd like to know if psychotherapy once a month for 30 minutes can be effective with someone who is severely depressed.

On July 20 of last year I had an appt. with him that my wife joined me for. (She came to a number of my appts., which I've also heard is not a standard way at all of working with a patient. Is this right? Does the psychotherapist normally work with the patient alone without a spouse or significant other present some of the time?) Anyway, at this appt. — which was only eight days before Song Day (see my other thread for details) — I and my wife were very concerned about me. I was nearing the end of six months of therapy by him and professionals in other disciplines at the pain management clinic, at which time I would be evaluated as to whether I would be considered totally disabled or not. We asked him what he thought my prognosis might be. He very clearly stated to us that we did not need to be anxious and that he would be recommending that my employer put me on total disability. (The final decision regarding disability status rests with my employer, not with the medical professionals.) He told us that just because I could interact with my wife and kids again and do a few things now did not mean that I wasn't totally disabled work-wise, which was reassuring to us.

I had finished my OT in June and had also finished my course of PT treatment, having just the final evaluation coming up on July 28, which I call Song Day. On that day, my PT evaluated me. Then at the end of the appt., my OT joined us and I performed the song I had written about my PT. The next day, July 29, I was at the practice in the morning for an IV therapy appt. when my psychotherapist came in and sternly told me to see him immediately after I finished. So I did. I figured it must have something to do with the song I performed yesterday. I prayed before I went in, that I would listen well and not be defensive. But I wasn't quite prepared for what I received.

He proceeded to talk at me for three minutes, never once asking me any questions about what happened the previous day. I cannot give you the word for word of all three minutes, but it was such a shock to me that many phrases are emblazoned in my mind for eternity.

Dr G (in a threatening tone of voice and a seemingly out-of-control tirade): "What you did was inappropriate. It crossed the boundaries. [My Last Name], you're weird. You do some really weird things. You've got boundaries issues all over the place. Asking her to a concert and using the Employees Only door and — well, I guess someone told you to do that. Traci couldn't believe that you would do that to someone. I can't believe a Christian would do that to someone. Most atheists I know would never think of treating someone like that. You are to stay away from the PT/OT area. We don't think there's any danger, but you are not to go back to the PT/OT area. If you see Priti or Traci in the hall you are not to talk to them. You can say hello and that's it."

I was stunned. I nodded my head, speechless. At one point I protested his comment about "asking her to a concert", which was totally untrue (not sure where he got that one). I did say that several months ago I had asked her if she wanted to try putting on a real putting green (I had just gotten slim enough to wear my artificial leg again and was starting to go out into the sun to get Vitamin D). Eventually I told him that what he said made sense. After all, I had done the song out of context. I didn't know what else to say.

[continued in post #3]

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Rapha,

I know you asked us to wait before we comment, after you finish to whole story. But, I feel compelled to comment now. For someone who is very depressed it was outrageous that you therapist saw you only every two weeks and then once a month. Not only should you have been seen once per week but even more than that until you felt better. I used to lower my fee to make that happen.

It is not unusual to have your spouse come with you to therapy. I did that many, many times and it was always helpful.

It is perfectly OK for you to talk about your religious beliefs in therapy. I often has a few who went into detail about their religous beliefs and it was always helpful. In fact, in psychotherapy, It is OK to discuss anything you want to.

With your pain and depression, who is he to say you can or cannot go to work? Also outrageous.

Yes, listing all those degrees on his documents is ridiculous.

Hope this helps and I will look for the rest of the story.

Allan

[Rapha]

I rushed home, typed out all the comments I had wanted to make the previous day to my PT/OT before doing the song, and rushed them back to the practice so Priti and Traci would have them before the weekend. When I got home, I sat at the dinner table and started crying. My wife noticed. I ended up telling her everything that happened. She was mortified. This sent me spiraling downward even further.

The next day, July 30, I spent 5-1/2 hours with my two best friends and accountability partners Jake and Joe. I don't remember much of what we talked about, I was so distraught. That evening, for the first time in my life, I had a strong urge and a specific idea to kill myself. I was lying on my bed, my meds less than ten feet away. All I'd have to do is overdose. Three times I had this powerful compulsion to go and pop a bunch of pills. Finally I got so frightened because I was so close to doing it that I picked up the phone and called Jake. No answer. I knew Joe would be sleeping, so I didn't try him. I called my brother. No answer. Then I remembered I had been given a Crisis Card in case of destructive or suicidal thoughts. It was in my night stand right next to my bed. I found it, called, and while I was talking, my wife came into the room. She heard what I was saying.

When I got off, she asked me what I was doing. I told her. I had wanted to shield her from the way I was feeling because I knew she was under a lot of stress. But since she had heard some of it already, I told her. By the end of the conversation, I felt stable enough to go to sleep.

The next morning she and the kids left to visit family in another state. I slept until early afternoon, then called my friend Joe because I was afraid I would do something stupid. I was extrememly bothered by now about the way Dr G had treated me and how he had accused me of things that were simply untrue without ever asking me one question. I talked with Joe for four hours. He would not listen to a word I wanted to say about Dr G. He put all the blame on me and literally would not let me talk about Dr G. If I tried to say something about Dr G, he would talk over me and not listen. Joe told me I was like a murderer at the scene of the crime who was pointing to a broken window and saying "but I didn't break that window... somebody else did that."

I did not feel it would be safe for me to go home to an empty house, so I drove to my friend Jake's house. He graciously took me out for dinner and let me unload. He listened a lot, shared some good thoughts, and two hours later I was well enough to go home.

Monday, August 2 I took over for Dr G a copy of the comments that I had delivered to my PT and OT. I also gave him the words to the song. I had nothing to hide. I figured he should get everything that they got, since he had been so irate the previous week. I assumed that certainly once everyone realized how I felt about my PT (reminds me of daughter/wife/mother, I think of her like a sister), that everything would be cleared up and things would be fine. I know that was naive, but I am probably too naive for my own good.

My first "post-Song Day" appointment with Dr G was August 11. I expected him to bring up the events of July 28-29 right away. He did not. He seemed jovial, happy to see me, like nothing had ever transpired two weeks prior. It was confusing and made me quite uncomfortable, as it was not at all what I expected. At some point during the session I brought up the fact that I had been suicidal on July 30 and had almost overdosed on drugs. I told him about the three calls that I made and how my wife ended up talking with me and getting me through the night. He never asked what prompted me to feel that way, nor did he seem particularly concerned about me (not that he ever did). The appointment was so not what I was expecting that I remember very little of it. I just kept waiting for the hammer to drop and it never did. He never mentioned anything about the song or the comments. Very, very strange.

The following week I took another set of the comments for my PT and OT to the practice. I had made a couple of additions for clarity's sake.

On August 24, I went for my second appt. with Dr G since Song Day. He had requested that my wife join me, which she did. When we got there, he began telling her in a very threatening voice how I had been instructed at my last appointment to have absolutely no communication with either therapist. He then proceeded to tell her how despite his instructions I had brought over a packet (the updated comments) for both, and had contacted my OT by email. He was quite scary, almost menacing. I sat in stunned disbelief. Somehow he took about ten minutes for this information to be given to us. When he finally finished, he turned to me and said tersely, "Now I'd like to hear what you have to say."

I told him the truth. I said apologetically, "I'm sorry but I don't remember you saying that at the last appt. This doesn't mean you didn't say it, just that I didn't hear it, which is totally possible given my condition. I believe that you did say it, but I obviously must not have heard it. If I'd heard you say that, I would never have brought anything over for them or contacted Traci by email." I explained the email, which was harmless, after which he said, "That's exactly what Traci said it was, too." That made me feel a little better. Then he told me that he believed what I had just told him.

Later he asked me about something else, and as I explained he interrupted me before I ever got to the point I wanted to make and began criticizing me. He seemed angry again. I was so frustrated with him that I finally said in a raised voice, "Please let me finish what I'm saying." This is the first and only time I ever displayed any sign of anger in all of my therapy with him. He turned to my wife and said, "Does he do this often at home? To which she replied, "Almost never." He proceeded then to tell us that I had anger issues. I don't doubt that I do (passive aggressive, not explosive), but I had reason to be angry with him, didn't I? Is this the standard way all psychotherapists treat their patients when there is a conflict? Shoot first, ask questions later? It doesn't seem to me like a very constructive way to draw out what's going on in your patient's head.

The next morning (August 25) I once again thought of dying and called him twice that day to tell him how I was feeling and get advice. He never returned those two calls. On September 5, the night before Labor Day, I became horribly despondent again and ended up taking 10-1/2 Trazodone at bedtime. I was in bed for 21 hours. On Labor Day I told my wife what I'd done. I didn't even call him this time. What was the point?

Later in the week one of my accountability partners told me I needed to tell him what happened, so I finally called Dr G, leaving a voice mail asking him to call me back and that it was very important. Again, he never returned my call.

The next week I had an appointment with him by myself. I didn't really know what to think of him anymore. Finally I asked him about the evaluation. I said, "I assume you recommended disability, as you indicated you would a month ago." When he didn't give a yes or no answer but started rambling on and on, I knew immediately the answer was no, that he had not recommended disability. In fact, what he described sounded like reinstatement to full-time work with two minor restrictions, which it was. I was dumbfounded. I asked him if he would send me a copy.

My accountability partner Joe asked me if I had told him about the overdose. I said I had tried but that he never returned my call. Joe insisted I call Dr G and tell him immediately. So I did. I left another message (the fourth now in regards to potential or actual overdosing). He never returned that call either. The next day I called again because my employer had never received his evaluation letter and left a message to that effect. The following day he returned that call. Finally, for the first time out of five calls over a four-week stretch, he returned the call. During this call my wife handed me the phone so I could tell him about the overdosing. When I finished, his two questions were, "What happened? What was it like?" I described the experience. After which he said nothing more. My wife had some questions, so she took the phone and spoke with him briefly. She told him that the previous week I had wailed vehemently for over 15 minutes. (I cannot understand how I did not hyperventilate, but I didn't.) She asked him what in the world that was all about? He told her that I was just reacting to not receiving a recommendation of disability. She immediately responded, "That can't be the case, because the wailing was last week, days before we knew of your decision." He had no further comment about that either.

The following week we received the letter declaring me able to work full-time with slight restrictions. There were comments about my physical progress, which my wife and I had definitely seen over the spring and summer. Absolutely nothing was said about my mental health. Not one word. Even my employer noticed the conspicuous absence.

[continued in next (the final) post]

[Rapha]

My wife and I met with him one more time to interview him about how he evaluates the mental health of his patients when they first arrive, how he measures progress, and how he makes his final evaluation. He finally told us that it is completely subjective based upon how the patient presents at appts. (Seeing him once a month for 30 minutes, I presented quite well the last several months, always telling him of something new I was able to do that I couldn't a month or two ago.) I asked him if he knew what I was or wasn't doing outside of my appts (since I was still able to do little beyond my exercises and occasionally going out with my prosthesis to get Vitamin D from the sun). He told us he had absolutely no idea what I did or didn't do outside of his office. We asked him what he thought had helped me the most mentally [i didn't feel he had helped me at all]. He actually said that the physical and occupational therapy seemed to be what helped, plus being off work and on a disciplined, regular schedule. It would be almost humorous if it weren't so terribly sad. Is it not amazing that a few simple exercises strengthening your core muscles plus learning to sit, stand, bend, lean, and twist properly is the cure for severe mental illness (severe depression)?

Oh yes, and the discipline of a regular schedule? I was never on a regular schedule. And even if I had been, he had just said minutes earlier that he had no idea what I did outside of the 30 minutes I saw him once a month. How would he then know I was on a regular schedule? Many days I did my two sets of PT exercises. Some days I only did one set, and once in a rare while none. Somedays the two sets were morning/afternoon, sometimes morning/evening and sometimes afternoon/evening. The inconsistency was always a result of debilitating pain and/or poor sleep the night before (I've had insomnia for over 20 years now). Somehow the inconsistent exercise routine (that he couldn't have known about) combined with the inconsistent back to back 45 minute PT/OT appointments one day per week (often not even the same day or time as the previous week) consituted a "disciplined, regular schedule"? And can you believe he did not claim to have helped my mental health (severe depression and lack of concentration) in any way through his "psychotherapy"? Amazingly he did not. Is this not extremely weird?

Finally we asked him what changed between July 20 and August 25 that made him go back on his word and declare me fit for work. He told us a few things, then finally said, "To be honest, the team felt they couldn't trust you or anything you said. They felt that perhaps you were 'playing us' for disability." My wife and I were in total shock. When we recovered enough to speak, I asked him to give me just one example of when I had been dishonest. (I never, ever said anything untruthful to him or anyone at MHG. In fact I had been totally open and transparent about everything because I had absolutely nothing to hide.) He thought for a few moments, and looking a bit uncomfortable said, "I can't think of anything right now." Then he added, "Well, you just told me a few minutes ago that when you came to appointments you 'painted a rosy picture'." Indeed, earlier in the conversation I had said just that. I would tell him of my progress — any new thing I was able to do physically that I couldn't do before — but rarely mention the struggles. I was just so excited at my three April, May and June appointments about being back from the dead and able to once again do a few things.

He told us that is a form of dishonesty. Well, I guess it is. My wife and I had never thought about it that way. I have learned something here about telling the whole story to your psych, not just telling about your progress. (I guess it's hard to give the whole story when you see him once a month for 27 minutes — he would routinely short me/us by several minutes). The funny thing was he had just learned of this "painting a rosy picture" ten minutes earlier in the conversation, not a month ago when the team was doing the evaluation.

Then I asked him, "So you're telling us that because I came in and presented healthier than I really was, the team felt my wife and I were playing you for disability?" This made no sense at all to me or my wife. Why would anyone do that if they were playing someone for disability?! Plus, remember that at that time of the assessment no one on the team had any knowledge of my "painting a rosy picture". Dr G had only learned about it ten minutes ago, and no one else ever knew. I think he saw the futility of his ramblings. Suddenly he blurted, "Well, we didn't know what to believe, so we had to go purely by functional ability." By this I assume he meant that when I told him in late July and August of my suicidal thoughts and terrible despondency, he didn't believe me. Evidently he thought we lied to him. Ask my wife if I was not completely and totally distraught. Ask my friends Jake and Joe, who spent more time (11.5 hours) counseling me in one weekend than Dr G spent with me cumulatively (less than nine hours) over nine months. Ask my children.

What do you think of the behavior of my psychotherapist?

Was he professional in the way he responded to my error in judgment?

Was he professional in telling us that he would be recommending disability and then doing the complete opposite a month later?

Oh, I forgot to tell you that during our last appointment, he said again that I had boundary issues, that I "repeatedly crossed the boundaries" starting "a long time ago". He said I had been told numerous times about these boundary issues yet still continued to cross them. I didn't know what he was talking about, as the only boundary issue Dr G ever made me aware of was singing the song for my PT and OT, and I certainly didn't repeat that mistake! So I asked him to explain to us what he meant. He flew off the handle, angrily saying that I "hadn't learned a thing". He cited several things he had never previously mentioned, things that I had done which the PT and OT both obviously loved at the time. Now for the first time ever he was telling us those were boundary issues too. Funny, no one at the practice ever brought up a single boundary issue with me until Dr G confronted me the day after the song with one legitimate boundary issue (and two non-issues because he didn't stop to check his facts first). This was the first my wife or I had ever heard of these additional boundary issues that I had been "told about numerous times yet continued to cross". Wow. At that point my wife abruptly interjected to defend me, telling Dr G that she knew for a fact that I had learned my lesson and that for him to say that I hadn't was 100% wrong. (I had spent the whole month of August in a deeply saddened, repentant state and continued to acknowledge that I had made an error in judgment in singing the song for the ladies.)

I can't tell you how many vague and general statements Dr G made criticizing me for things that he never once explained in person or in the written final evaluation itself. Very, very strange. Critiques that employ vague descriptions without ever once giving the specifics in no way help me grow as a human being. They only confuse me and leave me wondering what in the world he is talking about. So frustrating.

Well, that's my story. My wife and I left the last appointment completely and totally bewildered by the contradictory things Dr G said and the blanket statements he seemingly fabricated out of nowhere.

We're extremely confused as to my true mental state and my true ability to work. I am very concerned about my chronic pain (which is so much worse in the cold months), my insomnia (over 20 years now) and my depression (over eight years and counting). I am also extremely concerned about my mental acuity. I have come across two research articles now that show that chronic pain over many years causes large changes in brain function. The brain shrinks 1.5 cu cm for every year of chronic pain. I've been in constant pain for 25 years now, and I could tell within the first three years that I wasn't thinking as well as I used to.

The research shows that the brain ages approx 2.3 years for every year of chronic pain. I'm in my late forties. If the research is correct, this would make my "brain age" somewhere in my early eighties. All I know is that I have a difficult time concentrating and I seem to forget many more things than someone my age should. This makes me extremely self-conscious.

For reasons too complex to go into here, my wife and I are employed together as a unit. Despite my employer graciously being willing to allow me to work just 20 hours/week, we decided we should move on after 24 years with the organization. In December we told our HR people that we would be leaving the company. March 1 is our last day with them.

Now I'm really scared that I've made another terrible decision. Decision making used to be a strength of mine, but with the chronic pain and depression I seem to make poor decisions all the time now. (That's a common symptom of depression and chronic pain sufferers, I've recently learned.) Should I be getting a second opinion? What if I really can't work at all? Am I a fool to leave health insurance and disability insurance at this point in my struggle? Should I ask my employer to allow me to get a second opinion?

Thank you for any answers you can give to my questions (in blue).

Peace,

---Rapha

[Luna-]

Rapha

Second Opinion. Definitely. You've been treated very badly.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Hi Rapha,

I too think a second opinion would be good. It doesn't look like your mental health was evaluated properly and your psychotherapist didn't act very much like he was aware of being your therapist, which makes me wonder if he just got the medical education of being a psychiatrist and wasn't very good at it.

I agree with you that being angry is something normal under certain circumstances. Also, it's possible people felt a bit uncomfortable about your song. Well, so what? I don't see why that justifies that the Dr comes to tell you off. I'm not even convinced it's any of his business really. And, well, the most professional thing I've read is that he didn't write an evaluation of your mental health.

I don't know anything about employers and insurance, maybe you could discuss this with your wife again?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Definitely a second opinion.

Allan

[Chisholm]

Smacks of complete lack of professionalism and dont know whether you could call his actions psychotherapy at all. Get a second opinion ASAP! And make sure that your meds are looked at as well - you shouldnt be fiddling with the doses yourself! Hopefully you could find a good psychiatrist and psychologist/pyschotherapist who could integrate their treatment.

good luck.

XX

[Rapha]

Hi Rapha,

I too think a second opinion would be good. It doesn't look like your mental health was evaluated properly and your psychotherapist didn't act very much like he was aware of being your therapist, which makes me wonder if he just got the medical education of being a psychiatrist and wasn't very good at it.

I agree with you that being angry is something normal under certain circumstances. Also, it's possible people felt a bit uncomfortable about your song. Well, so what? I don't see why that justifies that the Dr comes to tell you off. I'm not even convinced it's any of his business really. And, well, the most professional thing I've read is that he didn't write an evaluation of your mental health.

I don't know anything about employers and insurance, maybe you could discuss this with your wife again?

RE: MY PSYCHOTHERAPIST

What I wrote in my introductory comments just SHOUTS transference. How a psychologist could miss this in an extremely depressed patient who happily (but unknowingly) gave him clear evidence of such is totally beyond me. It's funny that in a sense I had recognized my transference — this had explained to me my attraction to my PT. I just didn't know that it was transference, or that it is quite common for a patient (and I would think especially a severely depressed one who has had almost no people contact for nearly a year) to experience transference with a caregiver that is both professionally gifted and personally inspirational.

RE: "UNCOMFORTABLE"

Interesting, SoO, that the only thing I ever heard about her reaction to the song was when my psychiatrist (not Dr G) told me that it had made my PT feel "uncomfortable". Your observation is spot on, SoO. I think it was my OT that flew off the handle. And looking back, it is much easier for me to see now why she might have responded that way.

WHY...

My whole spring and summer consisted of doing PT exercises twice a day and going out to the putting green three times a week for the Vitamin D. Other than that I met with Jake every Wed for coffee, went to PT/OT appts. once a week, a weekly Tuesday night meeting and church on Sunday mornings (couldn't sit through a one-hour service, so would lie down for the main message). The rest of the time I was sleeping or resting due to pain.

While those things were probably all helpful to my physical and mental health in some way, none of them are "productive" (me doing anything requiring mental acuity or creativity). I am sad to say that the only really "productive" work I did over the spring/summer are:

• wrote a song about my PT in April
  
• wrote a second song about her (not shared with anyone) in May
  
• played the piano for two short weddings in June
  
• put together a Tribute album in July to give my PT at my last appt. (I didn't give it to her then after all. I gave it to Dr G several days later and said if he thought it was inappropriate to just throw it away... he ended up giving it to her.)
  

I spent a lot of my very limited time and energy in the spring and summer thinking about and preparing things for my PT. This really is not normal behavior for any person. It is weird. And it's totally unlike me. I adored my PT. Something about her gave me hope, a reason to get up each day and do my exercises instead of lying in bed like I had for the previous five months.

MENTAL HEALTH

Perhaps this kind of fixation upon a caregiver who gives you hope and help is another sign of mental illness. I moved from a state of severe depression and five months of total incapacitation to a state of being able to do a few things - evidently solely because I adored her. That's not a healthy thing, is it? No wonder I became suicidal when I deeply hurt my PT, my OT and my wife by my choice to sing one little song. Isn't poor judgment also sometimes a sign of depression/chronic pain?

[finding my way]

Rapha I am so sorry for all this pain:(. I don't think adoring your PT is the problem. There is an awful lot of confusion and hurt you have been through, and that is not at all easy to bear. The added stress of working out your disability and your job situation makes it even worse. It is putting so much weight on the opinion of your original therapist, when that wasn't even a healthy relationship. I hope you can separate out some of these dynamics and also find a better therapist soon!!!

[IrmaJean]

What do you think of the behavior of my psychotherapist?

First off' date=' I want to say how sorry I am that you've had to endure this kind of treatment.

For the first three months we met every two weeks for thirty minutes.

You should have been meeting for 50 minutes weekly.

The following is unprofessional behavior.

He would usually short me on my time by several minutes.

You are paying for a professional service. He should not be shorting you time.

Dr G (in a threatening tone of voice and a seemingly out-of-control tirade): "What you did was inappropriate. It crossed the boundaries. [My Last Name]' date=' you're weird. You do some really weird things.[/quote']

Your therapist should never be in an out of control tirade while speaking with you as your clinician. If he has emotions to deal with' date=' he should be speaking to a supervisor or consulting with another therapist. This type of response does not belong in your therapy. Telling you you're weird? Appalling...I'm so sorry.

When we got there' date=' he began telling her in a very threatening voice how I had been instructed at my last appointment to have absolutely no communication with either therapist.[/quote']

Again, your therapist should not be using a threatening voice with you...ever. If he needed to ask that you respect a boundary, this could be done firmly, but under emotional control. I also find it odd that he seemed to bring your wife into this.

Again' date=' he never returned my call.[/quote']

Very unprofessional and possibly dangerous if you were in distress.

You asked...

Is this the standard way all psychotherapist treat their patients when there is a conflict?

Absolutely not. Your feelings and responses in therapy should all be accepted and talked about openly. This is something to learn from and one of the most important aspects of therapy itself.

What do you think of the behavior of my psychotherapist?

I think his behavior was extremely unprofessional and incompetent.

Perhaps this kind of fixation upon a caregiver who gives you hope and help is another sign of mental illness. I moved from a state of severe depression and five months of total incapacitation to a state of being able to do a few things - evidently solely because I adored her. That's not a healthy thing' date=' is it? No wonder I became suicidal when I deeply hurt my PT' date=' my OT and my wife by my choice to sing one little song. Isn't poor judgment also sometimes a sign of depression/chronic pain?[/quote'']

I hope you can be gentle with yourself, Rapha. It sounds as though your PT brought up some loving feelings in you and this happens sometimes. Try thinking of those feelings as parts of your loving self. She helped to bring this out, but these are your gifts. I don't think it's unhealthy. It is after all, your love, and likely speaks more about you and your needs. I haven't read your entire thread about Priti, but hope you were able to discover positive aspects of yourself through this relationship. Life can be complicated. Be gentle, kind and forgiving with yourself, Rapha. I'm so sorry you were treated poorly in therapy. Take care.

[Chisholm]

IJ

What a touching, insightful and caring response! You really are a beautiful and caring soul - thank you for all your support and concern for so many of us. We are blessed to have your insight.

X

Chisholm

[Rapha]

Thanks to all of you for your encouragement. I saw my family practice doctor (GP) last week and he referred me for neuropsychological testing. I hope to get that appt. scheduled Monday. I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist next month, and am looking for a new psychologist as well.

I hope to contact my employer Monday about getting re-evaluated by someone competent.

Peace,

---Rapha

[Rapha]

I hope you can be gentle with yourself, Rapha. It sounds as though your PT brought up some loving feelings in you and this happens sometimes. Try thinking of those feelings as parts of your loving self. She helped to bring this out, but these are your gifts. I don't think it's unhealthy. It is after all, your love, and likely speaks more about you and your needs. I haven't read your entire thread about Priti, but hope you were able to discover positive aspects of yourself through this relationship. Life can be complicated. Be gentle, kind and forgiving with yourself, Rapha. I'm so sorry you were treated poorly in therapy. Take care.

IJ, thank you so much. I felt quite positive about the way I handled the whole situation, talking regularly with my accountability partners and working through the early crush phase. I thought I did quite well to recognize the transference — the unusual similarities between Priti and my daughter, wife and mother. She, the OT and I all got along easily together, so much so that my OT ran up to me at my last appointment with her and, smiling ear-to-ear, gave me an enormous hug.

I knew even in spite of the psychotherapist's "shoot and ask questions later" approach — actually, it was a "shoot and ask questions never" approach — that a number of good things had come about as a result of Priti. Something had been stirred in my heart that had been gone for years. I was inspired. My creativity came out of hibernation. My cynicism faded. My belief in people soared, my love for people restored. I came to see Priti and Traci as angels bringing physical and emotional healing to a broken man.

[sensitive_woman]

I have my apprehensions about going to either a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist. One kept looking at the watch each time to make sure they charge by the minute, the other has smsed me at least 5 times in a week asking me to meet him for longish sessions. And after reading your posts, I'm convinced that its definitely better to get your worries and stresses solved on this forum or discuss with close friends and family rather than going to a shrink.

I may be wrong but this is my opinion based on my experience.

[RGrannus]

Thanks to all of you for your encouragement. I saw my family practice doctor (GP) last week and he referred me for neuropsychological testing. I hope to get that appt. scheduled Monday. I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist next month, and am looking for a new psychologist as well.

I hope to contact my employer Monday about getting re-evaluated by someone competent.

Peace,

---Rapha

My primary care physician helped me more than all the psychiatrists and therapists combined. If you have a good relationship with him or her, they are the ones who know you best. Mine prescribed the right medication immdeiately. We had to work on the dose for a while. He refers me to a specialist when he thinks it's necesssary. The talk therapists I saw were no help at all. YMMV.

[Rapha]

My primary care physician helped me more than all the psychiatrists and therapists combined. If you have a good relationship with him or her, they are the ones who know you best. Mine prescribed the right medication immdeiately. We had to work on the dose for a while. He refers me to a specialist when he thinks it's necesssary. The talk therapists I saw were no help at all. YMMV.

Thanks RG. I have been reading in the past week some very good materials about psychotherapists. So much depends upon the competence of the psychotherapist himself. One study has shown that overall, psychotherapists can do as much damage as they can do good. So I will be very careful to interview my therapist and evaluate him to see if I truly believe he will be helpful or not. If I get a bad vibe, I'm look for another until I find the right one.

[Rapha]

Tomorrow I have my first appointment with a new psychotherapist! It's at 12:30 PM EST/USA (5:30 PM GMT). I plan to interview him to see if I believe he can meet my needs.

Please let me know of any questions you believe would be good for me to ask him. I so appreciate your feedback.

---Rapha

[IrmaJean]

I'm glad to hear that you've found another therapist, Rapha. What questions do you think would be important to ask? Sometimes I am still amazed at how fortunate I was. I felt a rapport with my therapist right away. I would say ask questions based on what you feel you're looking for and trust your instincts. If the match doesn't feel right, keep searching. Good luck!

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

What impression do you have of this new therapist now, did the appointment go okay?

[Rapha]

Thank you for your input, IJ, and for your concern, SoO. I ended up not asking very many questions of him yet, as we used the time primarily for him to hear my story. I feel I shared it well, with appropriate emphasis on each of the many segments. Because I've had a number of traumatic experiences in my life, that took up the whole time. And I'm still not quite done yet.

I have a really good feeling about this fellow. He's 65 years old, though he looks considerably younger IMHO, has been practicing for 40 years (with no plans to quit because he enjoys it), and has a calmness, an attentiveness and an ability to converse with ease that has already made me feel a lot different about him than my last therapist. My next appointment is this coming Tuesday and I can hardly wait. I'm optimistic that he can help me. Time will tell.

Peace,

---Rapha

[Athena]

Hi Rapha,

I meant to chime in a lot earlier on your post. I am happy to hear that you seem to have a good rapport with your new therapist. I'm on my fourth therapist in a year. The CBT therapist started making me feel worse and worse as time went on an was very dismissive of what I considered major problems. A "talk therapist" I was referred to looked so nervous himself I could not have imagined having any faith in his abilities. The third therapist got so sidetracked by his concern for keeping me alive that we never got into a proper therapy plus I never got a straight answer as to how long he could keep me on for. By the time i got to the fourth (and final) therapist I figured I'd give him about two weeks to convince me he was right for me, as I had grown so skeptical by this point. It turned out that was all it took to know with 100% certainty that he would be the last stop and I am so grateful I found him.

So I guess all of this is to say....follow your heart. You are the best judge of whether you can have a close bond with this person going forward and share things that you wouldn't in a million years dare tell anyone else. He should also be non-judgmental. IMHO, I think that's kind of one of the major points of psychotherapy, as most of us got judged, or ignored, or abused or what have you in our important earlier relationships and we certainly don't need more of the same from our therapist (in fact we need the opposite)! I suspect you have found the right person, but it is still early days - continue to follow your heart and after 2 or 3 months ask yourself if you have made any progress.

I wish you the best.

[Rapha]

This is just a little warning to y'all (and a prod to self) that a major update on how I'm doing is coming soon. I'll probably put it under a new category, most likely under the Depression category. I'll post here one final time once I've posted the update.

Peace,

---Rapha

[Rapha]

Well, I've recovered some from the trauma of last fall. All of your comments and support helped motivate me to seek a new psychologist. I believe I'm in much better hands now with a therapist who listens to me without judging me.

On March 19th I underwent four hours of neuropsychological and psychological testing. The results have been extremely helpful to me in understanding the issues I face. Still, I've been struggling tremendously the past month and a half with severe pain and depression due to a number of factors which I enumerate in a new thread. Click here to read about where I'm at now in my journey with chronic pain and depression. I also briefly summarize the results of the neuropsych testing.

Thank you for your care and concern.

Peace,

---Rapha

[Chisholm]

I dont think you are allowed to advertise on this forum and personally I think it is very sad that you roam these forums (I looked at your profile history) looking for vulnerable people to prey on. If you have something valuable or supportive to add then by all means, otherwise go away permanently!

Chisholm