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Frozen


Guest deadman

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DM, you seem to me to be an intelligent person with a good sense of humor. These are attractive qualities. I find you interesting to talk to. You're full of insight and this can be very beneficial to helping yourself. What is it, do you think, about your face-to-face interactions that leaves you feeling as you do? How is your confidence level in these interactions? I used to think that everyone disliked me because they never talked to me, but in therapy I came to realize that I was projecting a lot of negative, fearful energy and others were likely unsure of how to approach me. I sense in you a certain liveliness and vitality. It's in there and I believe that. Do you let that out socially? Because it seems to me that you could be very engaging if you give power to those qualities.

One of my "things" is worrying about hurting others, but that isn't caused by anything anyone else does...it's something with me. I like being authentic, so thank you. I never want to do anything that causes hurt.

RP, you're a positive and gentle voice. This is much needed and appreciated. :o

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Thank you for such a kind post to us both. I wish I was more positive more of the time but I am trying :o

I am not sure if deadman has experienced the same thing but to me dating for guys can be an extension of bullying in some regards.

If you happen to pick the wrong person to flirt with it can be a very cruel encounter. For men that are shy or with low self esteem it is very difficult and only furthers the divide when trying to seek balance.

This is why the positive messages here help so much. It gives guys the chance to step outside the box and say I am ok.

Funny all my life I have been called gentle and sweet by women. Even in high school yet I have always been alone.. there is something I am missing that I don't understand.. something I am doing wrong. I wish I knew what it was.

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The idea of it is awful, and yes, actually doing it IS awful. Been there, done that. I get where you're coming from. Here's the thing though - isn't it easier to call up a guy to go to a movie on the spur of the moment or some time this week? With women friends, I find everything so scheduled, so busy, not a moment's free time except perhaps two months out. (except for myself, my Supermom costume is in tatters and I now have a couple of evenings a week off). All my guy friends are married, and then they became couple friends so I've lost touch since I've been single. Anyway, I'm not too sure if their wives would appreciate me having a fun night out with them:rolleyes:.

Aha, see you DO have some nice memories! But on the topic of jealousy - it is debilitating. So is envy. I experience both every day, many times a day. The problem with them is that you fail to see what you've got - children you love. An education. Enough food to eat. Glass is always half empty. We need to get out of this way of thinking, because there will ALWAYS be somebody who's got what we want.

Wrong. You had a great relationship in the past. I think you have said so twice in this post already. That is who you are, you can get him back. You are far from a social leper. You said yourself it is hard for you to get out. You may be stuck at home due to your temporary physical condition but it is NOT because you are a social leper. I'll admit, you don't see EVERYTHING about a person here in this electron world, but you see enough. People's personalities DO shine through. As Random said, you have grown here. Read your old posts (or reactions to them). Even when people are depressed here, we know THAT is not who they are, that is just the state they are in at the moment and we all seem to single-mindedly work towards getting each other OUT of that state.

Figuring it out at a "thinking" level does not always work. It didn't work for me. Believe me, I've tried. You may have to experience it at a "feeling" level. That is where therapy comes in.

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Guest SomethingOrOther

I just recently went on a holiday alone. It is a bit odd sometimes, but it is actually much better than not having a holiday. The strange thing about it is that other people don't seem to find it pitiful. My friends either travel alone sometimes, too, or think I "like" travelling alone and my mother, now that she is alone, sees it as an ability she doesn't have, because she never needed it.

I don't go to restaurants alone outside holidays, but I saw some movies alone and I think that's probably the easiest thing to do. It's dark, there's no talking involved, other people mind their own business and have something to look at. In some ways it actually makes more sense to watch movies alone.

Then, if you later find yourself in a random conversation, you have an opinion to share. It's a method of social camouflage :(.

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DM,

I'm thinking that maybe you need a little more processing time for your reaction to simple acts of kindness. Sometimes people have to beat me over the head with a stick to get me to understand what they want/need. I think I just felt the stick. I will try to step back for a while, perhaps that will help de-trigger you. Don't think I am ignoring you.

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The image of "monster euthanasia" makes me feel sad for some reason. Memories of my dog with his head on my lap...drifting to sleep... Somehow that last breath just didn't seem so peaceful:(.

Anyway, glad you survived:) I carried my bit of Berlin Wall around today and was thinking of you. Are you a little closer to being freed of your burdens yet?

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  • 2 months later...
Guest deadman

I have learned my lessons:

Monsters need to stay where they belong, in the dark.

Monsters do not want to be around people.

Monsters are monsters because they are unfit for society.

Monsters should shut up and go away.

I am closing down all posts and all contact. Those kind enough to delete posts with quotes in them would be appreciated. THAT would be a kindness if you are so inclined. I had nothing to say but a load of steaming horse-pucky and wasted a lot of people's time, so cleaning up seems appropriate. Goodbye.

DEADMAN

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Guest SomethingOrOther

hello deadman,

I don't know what happened, but I remember I posted something somewhere sometime that made you shut up and go away, although that wasn't what I had wanted. I don't think this is connected, though. Take care.

S.

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Deadman

Youve crossed my mind afew times too..... I dont know why you seem so intent on deeming yourself a monster. would you tell someone whos been through what you been or has suffered the way you have with certain feelings that they were a monster.

I wish you could find a space to be alittle less harder on yourself.

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