Athena Posted January 14, 2011 Report Share Posted January 14, 2011 The past few days I have been wondering why the heck I let myself get taken advantage of by my ex for the better part of 20 years. Here's all the reasons I can think of at the moment:- I feared that standing up to him would make him even nastier.- Actually, standing up to him DID make him nastier - I think I mentally left the relationship when he told me to "GO FUCK YOURSELF" over a minor argument- You were an expert at blaming (how is YOU forgetting my birthday MY fault?)- You were an expert at making me feel guilty (but I HAVE to golf, or I will waste my golf membership!) Yah, right, I'll just sit here earning a living, supporting the family all by myself as I breastfeed while on the phone with a client and typing on the computer. You just go enjoy yourself =:mad:= (steam coming out of ears)- I knew in my heart he would never change and that standing up for myself ultimately meant divorce, which I wasn't ready for (until I got suicidal, developed chronic back pain, physical and mental exhaustion, couldn't carry out my work duties and developed insomnia)- Fear of abandonment - ie: if I end up yelling at him, he will hate me and leave (OK that problem's gone away since I dumped him)- I hate fighting, because I couldn't stand listening to my parents' constant fighting when I was a kid.- I have no personal boundaries- I just don't care about stuff as much as he does (ie: who's family to spend Christmas with is just NOT that big a deal, so just do what you want)- I don't know what I want so given that you do, we'll just go do what you want- Even though you repulse me with your sheer lack of consideration for my feelings and your total lack of contribution to the family, I guess I should give in to your whining to have sex, or you'll cheat or leave- I'm too busy taking care of others to stand up for what I need and want- I don't even know what the hell I want because I've never had two seconds of free time to consider it.- When I have stood up for myself since our separation, he somehow convinces a bunch of bully lawyers to side with his "woe is me, my ex must support me" attitude- If I stand up for myself, it could result in years and years of endless torment because he's a pit bull through and through and will never ever give up.- He fights dirty so I can't possibly come out unscathed (he lies, denies, threatens, manipulates and breaks the rules of "fair play", etc)- He's got his bully backup so wrapped around his little finger, I'd need an army in order not to get slaughtered.- He's too quick on his feet. His capacity for wickedness puts me in a "deer in the headlights" state- I kept believing him when he said "I love you" in spite of his actions which were completely to the contrary- I didn't want to be alone- "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" - Note to self - doesn't work with Narcissists- I felt sorry for him, he was such a screwup- I stayed with him for the kids' sake- Being a victim became a habitPerhaps something useful will come out of this list after I sleep on it and prepare for battle..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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