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Elder abuse


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My dad passed away recently and I wish I had been more aware of elder abuse before this happened.

Elder abuse can come from anywhere, by anyone.

My dad used to have a group of "friends" that would pop by from time to time.

These people were not his friends, but he did not realize that until it was too late.

They would trade him a small pail of potatoes for a pack of his smokes. Potatoes are around $4.00 a bag and smokes are $10.00 a pack. They always came around when they needed things but would pretend that they were there for him.

When one of the men would come around he would try to convince my dad to do stupid things...like give him the farm because my brother and I didn't deserve it...

Thankfully, near the end,I watched my dad's face as this man pulled into the driveway...my dad cringed. I asked him if he was ok and he said he didn't like the guy. I told my dad that I thought he was a friend, and my dad replied that the guy never was a friend...that he used him.

Had I known this ages ago I would have told the guy to go away and not to come back.

So I did it that day...and we never saw him again until 2 days after dad died when he came to the farm yelling at us and saying that my dad had hated us and never wanted us to have the farm and that we should do the right thing and give it to him!

His doctor abused him by not giving him the help he asked for. If the doctor had run a few simple tests he would have known that dad's bowels had exploded and that it was poisoning him. But because dad was over 60 (66 to be exact) the doctor assumed that dad soiling himself was no big deal and to buy depends...

We later heard from several other people that this doctor has a long history of having his older patients die for no real reason other than not running tests on them when they complain.

So please, if you think your parents/grandparents are afraid or sick have them checked out, there could be a very good reason for it.

Most elderly people are abused and bullied by their families and care givers. That is a fact.

Does dad hide when your brother walks in the door? Does grandma cry or hide her face when you visit her in the nursing home?

I feel for these people...and you will be one yourself some day...keep that in mind.

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Amen to that True-hope.... I just started volunteering in an old age home this week and got a taste of it right away.... The people working there are tired and look like they would like to be anywhere but there. The old people look discheveled, drugged, and to a large degree abandonned to themselves. I was asked to feed two ladies, which I did. But the person across table, a little lady of probably 90, was not eating. So one of the attendants came over and started feeding her heaping tablespoons that she could not take in. It was running down each side of her mouth, and the attendant was just keeping on feeding her while chatting with her girlfriend. No dignity whatsoever, I was frankly appalled.

My grandmother was in a centre up to last year when she passed at the age of 100. She had lots of stories of people being rough with her, impatient with her, and she was so frail and was so unheard as an elderly woman that she was powerless before them. What saved her is that she was a Leo and did not loose her fire and her capacity to scold right up until she died :) And we were there to fight for her as well, if nothing else than by being present often to ensure she was being treated well. Those who have no one to speak for them often don't fare so well...

Thank you for reminding us that we need to continue to be there for our elders, be preoccupied by their needs and frailties ...

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I can understand your grandmother's predicament.

My grandma had lived to 98. She had been in a nursing home as well...and died there from lack of concern.

Morning came and one of the women asked where Clara was. She told the nurse that Clara hadn't come for breakfast and that they should find her. No one went looking for her.

At lunch time the woman again stated that Clara had not yet been down...supper came and went...breakfast the next morning...

On the second day my uncle found my grandma...she had fallen in the tub and broke her hip....shower running cold...She died of pneumonia.

My uncle has been in and out of courts since then...around 12 years now I guess.

It's all so senseless. This doesn't need to happen.

Soon we will go back to the times before nursing homes, where grandparents will stay in our homes to die. The abuse may or may not escalate at that point. We will need to monitor the households they are in, and if we find that sister Mary is getting angry or has frazzled nerves, then brother John will have to take grandma in for awhile.

Such a sick little world we live in when we let our parents/grandparents suffer because we are too busy for them, or can't afford them...and these are the people who gave us life...and a future.

They paid their dues and taxes. They worked hard to make our countries what they are today...and this is what they get in return...abuse.

Shame on us.

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Hi True Hope, I am sorry your fathers "friends" took advantage of him. You were there when it counts. When I worked for Crime Victims' Assistance I can't tell how many cases we had of elder abuse, from financial to physical.

And that doctor,,how awful, I had changed my mom's doctor to another, I could never reach him for appt. or never got returned phone calls from him. It was like just because she has progressive MS he wrote her off. I am thankful for the doctor she has now, he is constantly running blood work, we see him every 2-3 months and he never fails to return calls when Im concerned about something.

As for the stories of nursing homes, I have heard the same things going on here where I live, workers over worked caring for too many at one time, patients suffering depression. I have my mom at home and have a caregiver and also support from a homehealth agency because of what I heard, this way she gets one on one care and gets to be in her home she worked so hard for. During her last hospital stay I came into her room to see a CNA shoveling food in her mouth just as you described, I grabbed the food away from her and said are you crazy! she has a problem with swollowing you could choke her. I was very upset by this.

Anyway didn't mean to ramble here. But I find that a lot of people need education in what to look for in caring for a disabled parent or the elderly. Hurrah for you for bringing this up.


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