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A Dose of Reality & Change of Privacy Due to Threat


58corvette
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Hello Everyone;

Yesterday I was having a good Day; Enjoying Football & My Post on "Lounge" section here with Linda, Shannon, Athena & a Few others. Again Thank You So Much.

Anyway all the Sudden my Son brought up our inpending Homeless Situation coming up Shortly & Who, What & where we are going to Stay with or do. I dont know why he does this to me; But Everytime I start feeling good about Myself & Things Again He Brings me DOWN. It's almost as if he wants me to stay down about things & Focus on Him?

Anyway Now im back to worrying, being Depressed, Scared & Generally Freaking Out about what to do or where to go; When I become Homeless. He wants me now (a bit Late) to stay with My Daughter & Her Boyfriend after Talking Bad about Both of Them & to be Leary of just what may happen. While he has an offer to stay at a friends & use My Van to be Able to Sleep in.

So Naturally Now I am a bit Concerned & Leary for both of us. He is afraid to go to Jail cause he hasnt taken care of Legal Issues, & he is worried if he gets a Job they will catch him, & he will lose his job. A Catch 22. But I know the Fact is he needs to go to Court & Turn himself in. See what Punishment he gets & move on from there.

As far as me; I truly dont want to live with my Daughter & YES I am Leary Myself of her Boyfriend & His Intentions. But right now I just dont know what to do or any other alternatives? I dont want to ruin my Daughter & I's relationship by moving in & things go bad with her boyfriend. He is only a few years younger than me & has A son a year older than my Daughter. Which is wierd to me. I know this may offend some here like "Waiting" who I consider a Good Person & Man.

That is not my intent. And I know Waiting Himself is going through Hell & being condemmed for something that is unjust for him. The Situation with My Daughter & Her Boyfriend is different & I believe I am justifiably Leary of his Intentions. I just dont want to cause any more problems. If she is Happy that is what is important to me. But her boyfriend has already caused Conflict with Both my Son's & My Ex. So I dont want to be the nest inline if His Intentions are not well meaning.

I hope all of you can understand my Dilemma on this Touchy Situation. I only want what is best for all my Children & Myself; without anymore Conflict.

Anyway; I also read Deadman's Continuing Conflict in his Thread Titled "Frozen" & that also brought my down more. Then I got on a sports blog & another Person was able to access some Personal Information on me & exposed it for ALL to see. So I had to change my Personal Info. I reported the Abuse, so hopefully things will be OK?

Now however I dont know if I am my recieving my Personal Mail from Others or from this Site with responces to Post & Threads? Can someone who reads this PLEASE respond so I can check my Mail to see. That way I can change whatever it is I have to to correct.

Now I just Have to Pick Myself up by the BootStraps again & remain up & optimistic enough to keep searching for Work & A Place to live. I need to remain Calm, Focused & Not Panic as it will do me No Good At All. And it is so important I make the right Decision & Do The Right Thing at this Point in time.

On the Positive Side I have seen Deadman is starting to Calm Down a Bit & realise People here are only trying to help the best we can. Thanx to recent post by Professional, well meaning People. And I mean that in every sence of the words.

Thanx Again to All Of You as I continue to find my Place & Meaning in Life.

Sincerely; Jim

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...Then I got on a sports blog & another Person was able to access some Personal Information on me & exposed it for ALL to see. So I had to change my Personal Info. I reported the Abuse, so hopefully things will be OK?
I just had a vivid nightmare on Friday night about guys discovering my identity on the web and finding out exactly where I lived and I freaked out because I discovered an unlocked door in the basement. (probably just a disguised nightmare about my ex because he would definitely use what I post in this site against me in divorce proceedings) so although not real like your situation, I can empathize.
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Thank You For your Responce;

So sorry to hear about your Nightmare & ex. You know as a Male, Divorced & from past discussions with you I have had many Nightmares about my ex also.

It is so Important for Both of us to realise & understand just who and what are ex's are all about. The Two Years of Court & Ongoing Results from that continue to Haunt Me.

However we both know Deep in Our Hearts Now also; There Still are Good Well Meaning People of Both Genders out here.

Sincerely; Jim

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Jim, Im so sorry about your dilima, I wish I could do something from here. Even though I am not in your situation right now, I too worry that when my mom passes on that I will become homeless. I am afraid I will not be able to keep the house, I have not worked for about 5 years now since I was layed off, and then took on caring for my mother. I am going to be 50 this year and feel that once again in my life I will be at a point of starting over.

I hope an oppertunity happens for you soon. Hang in there friend.

Shannon

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Thanks for reminding me thats its not over yet,,just another beginning. And thank you for reminding me of my horses, I am friends with the stable owner and with the help of others they are helping hold on to the one thing that gives me peace in my life....stable owner also said that if the need ever arised that I could live out there at the stables, even if its in a trailer...my dogs my horses...thats all I need. ok...well maybe food would be good.

Shannon

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We are all having ups and downs do to extreme problems in our lives.

I am finding this is more normal than I thought.

This forum and the friends I have made helps me to see I am not crazy lol.

Hope will not stay with us everyday not with the things we are going through.. but we have each other to pick us up on the rough days.

I still believe it is about the baby steps.

Somedays I panic just thinking about the future, honestly I am petrified.. so I don't focus on the distant future rather short term progress. ...It has been helping. I still back slide.. still worry, still have major problems. But I am making progress.

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Random, I totally get what you said about focusing on the distant future, I find that I do this too and get all worked up about something that isn't even close to happening. I have been trying to work on just the present and not freak myself out about the future, its a work in progress..like you said baby steps.

Shannon

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So True Random; Well Said!!!!

It's Funny for me there is an Ol Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young Song Titled;

"Teach Your Children Well". Its a song about teaching your Children & Than as you get Older Your Children Teach You.

In my case from my Twin Son's Major Head On Collision I am learning how he Himself just Appreciates Everyday Life; Living, Staying Focused, & Having a Meaning & Purpose in Life.

Says a Lot about him & Life It self. I was there almost everyday for him when he was in Hospital & everyday I would write a New Goal for him to look forward to & stay Strong. He Credits me for that & all Three of my Kids Appreciate Me for Helping them be Strong & Survive. So I guess I must of done Something Right?

Anyway; I need to start taking my Own Advice & Just Continue To Believe, Stay Strong, With Purpose & Meaning. Im just so Tired of Starting over all the time & feeling like im stuck in Mud.

It is Another Day Though & The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow!!!

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You know I remember seeing commercials all the time about starting a new life at 50 & how great it can be.
I think about this a lot. Let's try a little math. Most people are not really doing much with their life until they are out of college, maybe even later. Anyway, say adult life starts at age 22. We are living to age 90 or so nowadays, let's say 92 so I don't have to get a calculator out. Suppose you want to have at least a 10 year retirement. So that means you are half way through at age 52. You have another 30 years to go out and live your destiny before you settle in to your golden years. And you've already been through the school of hard knocks. That ought to give you a leg up.

I think the key with all this is to stay healthy so you feel like 22 when you are actually 52. (well, OK maybe feel like 42) So get yourself back into shape, eat right, ditch the cigarettes and the other bad habits, ditch the toxic people - you know what's good for you and what's not. As to finding love - a client inspired me a few years ago. Her husband had died a few years before. In her 70's she met a new man. She was like a giggling school girl when she spoke of him. I met him a while later. They acted just like a young couple - and so in love with each other! They were both good people, just like all of us here.

Here's to us finding new life and new love, even if we happen to be in our 50's!

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You are Correct. I simply continue to Enable & from my Own Insecurities, Mental Issues, & Lonliness Allow all of this Behavior to Continue to Happen & be my Own Undoing & Downfall.

When I was Going through Divorce & Court Issues My Twins were Given theyre Own Attorney by way of my ex's Attorney. During part of this it was clear as I stated I read a book on "Tough Love".

I was the Parent that made sure my Children did they're Chrores, Were Responsible, & disciplened Appropriatly. I came off as The Bad Guy; And Lost EVERYTHING important to me.

I was then ALONE & Lonely without my Children, Family & House. So when I came back at the Request of my Chilren; Two of them stated; "Dad you need to come back & be a Dad". So eventually I came back.

But Scarred & Jaded. He does'nt really listen to me & you are Correct. His Addiction has taken over His Life. All I know is that when I was being what I thought was a Good Father & Husband I was Condemmed. Now im just Lost myself.

Eventually they're may be Balance & Understanding to all this Madness & Confussion. And yes it is Closing in on me where the choice will have to be made. Just writing this right now I am getting very Emotional & it is bringing back Painful Memories. I have Failed & the Failure Continues.

just Yesterday my Son said I spend to much time on this Computer & Internet. I kind of Laughed as he spends Most of his Time Sleeping or Watching TV. So I suggested we Both Get Out; Cash in Recyclbles, Get Job Application's & just get out & ride Together. As I just am Tired of Feeling & Doing Everything ALONE. We need to Push, Support & Motivate Each other Sometimes. That was part of our Agreement.

So Im ready Right Now; But for Whatever Reason he Continues to find Excuses. So here I am writing this; instead of what needs to be done on both our Parts.

He will have to take care of Court Issues & Legal Matters & Yes Probably Spend Time in Jail. For me I will get a Job Hopefully, Eventually. And who knows where I will Live? So if there is a Light at The End of This Long Dark Tunnel without the Lose of Life on My Son or my Part.

Well that's enough for now on this. Maybe I will just go on my own. Linda; The Envy right now I have for Parents & Couples who stay together is Immence. I Hate Being Alone Without A Woman.

Sometimes I wish I had a different Tougher upbringing myself. Lord knows I may have been more prepared for all This HELL.

Sorry im very Edgy Right Now. I have read some other Post here & along with my own Situation & Condition I just want to be in another Place where I am not so Alone. I would Love to Be riding along the Beach with Horses right now alongside Shannon. Dont get me wrong; its just so Damn Scary & Lonely right now.

7yrs. of this is to much.

Sincerely; Jim

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Thanx for your Understanding & Incouragement. I juat filled out another Job Application Online with the Help of my Twin Son who helped me Figure Out how to Copy & Paste my Resume Document to Employers Application. So that is some Success right there. Not that I will remember how to do it or the proper steps to take. But with more practice I will get better.

Also I think my Oldest Son who left a bit ago is searching for a place that may help him out with his Legal Issues. He said he would talk to me later about it, and he thinks it will cost him some Money. But that also is a start for him at least.

Linda; I also posted a reply to brodman about People & being "Tangible". It bothered me a bit and I hope I was'nt out of Line or missunderstood his Statement in any way? Your Thoughts?

Thanx Again. Sincerely; Jim

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just Yesterday my Son said I spend to much time on this Computer & Internet. I kind of Laughed as he spends Most of his Time Sleeping or Watching TV. So I suggested we Both Get Out; Cash in Recyclbles, Get Job Application's & just get out & ride Together. As I just am Tired of Feeling & Doing Everything ALONE. We need to Push, Support & Motivate Each other Sometimes. That was part of our Agreement.

This place can be comforting for lonely people. But at the end of the day, we need face to face contact. I'm thinking of making a pact with myself. For every hour I spend here, I will spend an hour doing what I need to in order to move forward with eliminating messes, getting rid of loneliness (more face time), taking care of my health and just generally taking ACTION. OK, on that note, I'm going to e-mail somebody I've been meaning to get together with RIGHT NOW!
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