thebox Posted January 20, 2011 Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 Hey,I'm really confused about things right now. I know that the place I'm at isn't OK, but I don't think that committing myself is the answer, because I'm not in any physical danger, nor is anyone else. This will probably be pretty long - if you don't want to read about my particular situation but can provide general advice on when that's a good idea, that's great.Two days ago, for the first time in a while, I made some poor decisions that hurt other people and myself. I thought I had gained control over my destructive impulses, but I made a mistake. Many anonymous Internet voyeurs from a forum on which I overshare about my personal life have told me, based on the recent event and a history of similarly bad decisions, that I need to put myself in a hospital. My ex, who knows me very well and is brilliant but whose judgment may be distorted by his personal experience with me, is the strongest proponent of that course of action. "You are continuing to be irresponsible right now by accepting clearly digressive and absurd advice when there is an overwhelming consensus. You are ruining lives at random. Go. To. A hospital. That is how to be a good person." "Your excuse about your parents working is ridiculous. You have a debilitating, destructive psychotic illness. Parents miss work for ballet recitals!" "You need to. Please, just this once, learn the right lesson. Get in a hospital bed and don't get out until you're better." I've always regarded him as infallible, but I started questioning his judgment later, when he started completely blaming me for something negative in his life that may have been partially my fault but may have had nothing to do with me. That further complicates the question of whether I should trust him on this particular issue.Anyway, I didn't end up going because my parents were so against it. I later learned that a good friend of mine - also an ex, and pretty much the only person who knows about all the recent drama and still thinks I can be a good person - agrees that it would be a good idea. "I can't make you go to the hospital," he wrote in an email, "but you must take this illness seriously, and if you aren't getting better, you must seek further treatment until you do improve. Taking it seriously means resisting the urge to hate yourself and also resisting the urge to excuse yourself. Your thoughts and actions are straying far from what is good, true, and healthy, you're hurting yourself and other people, and the cause ultimately lies in your brain. It's not at all fair, but it's your responsibility to fix ... I want you to get better, but I worry that you haven't yet really taken responsibility for your own mental health." I just can't wrap my head around the idea of going to a hospital when I have no urge to hurt or kill myself (I often think about how I deserve to die, but I haven't wanted to die in a long time). I also don't want to do bad things to other people - I just get urges and end up doing stupid things. I feel like resources would be better used on people who pose a clear and present danger to themselves or others. The people who want me in the hospital are under the impression that I do, but... I know that if I just gain a normal amount of self-control, I won't. I don't know; it's really hard to think about this clearly, let alone articulate it. Basically, what I'm asking is whether a habit of making shitty decisions - but ones that don't physically hurt anyone - is worth going to a mental hospital. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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