HELP with needy girlfriend needed

[KarlRissian]

i joined for help with my girlfriend issue. i think i love her but she always wants more. she seems to be very needy. nothing i do makes her happy. i say the wrong thing. she wants my attention always but i want time to myself to. i don't want much affection as she does. she's always wanting hugs, kisses, and even sex. i give her attention but she says i'm not into it. i don't know what she means. we fight many times about this. talking seems to make it worse. i tell her to let me be. she still wants to talk more. i don't know what to do. i want this to work but i don't want her to keep nagging me all of the time. i sometimes feel away from people. i cannot get close. i feel like people bother me but i still don't want to be alone. any suggestions?:confused:

[gordian knot]

Karl,

It sounds like there might be two different issues here:

1. You are frustrated because you and your girlfriend seem to be on different pages concerning the amount and type of quality time you spend together (she wants more; you are feeling cramped).

2. You are feeling disconnected from people in general, and this is making you uncomfortable.

Do both of these sound accurate?

If so, there may be two different solutions. It sounds like you will need to deal with the relationship issues as a couple, but you also need to deal with your self-care issues by yourself.

First, your relationship. Do you feel like you can tell your girlfriend how you are feeling? Are you staying in the relationship because you really love her or because you are afraid of how you will feel if you break up? The answers to these two questions may give a lot of insight into the question of how healthy your relationship is and how much you want to be in it with this person.

Next, you need to take care of yourself. This is sometimes much easier said than done. In fact just about everyone who has posted on this site has been struggling with this issue, in one way or another, for some time. Are you seeing a doctor, counselor or therapist currently? It might help to get a physical exam to see if there are any physiological issues going on inside you right now, and you can also take the opportunity to ask your doctor for a referral for some mental health services. Asking for mental health services does not mean anything other than you are trying to feel better--it does not mean you are crazy or abnormal or defective in any way. In fact, many of the most healthy people in the world utilize mental health services to get healthy and stay healthy in everyday life.

We welcome you to the MentalHelp.net community.

Best,

Sean

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Karl,

Wow, you have a girl friend who wants more sex? It sounds pretty good to me. So many people, men and women, complain that there partner does not want sex.

By the way, it is a common complaint from women about there men that we are not "into it" or are not really there. Now, what people mean by this varies according to the people involved.

Have you asked your girl friend what she means by this? If so, has she given you a clear answer?

Can you tell us more about your self, past relationships and your relationship with this girl? Have other girl friends had similar complaints and have you felt similar with other girls about their wanting too much of you?

Your answers could be helpful.

Allan

[KarlRissian]

thanks Sean.

really, i don't have anything wrong with me physically other than allergies. i have no fear of doctors. but, i work a LOT and i heard mental care providers require you to go weekly, right? i don't know how that will work out with my crazy hours.

I don't want to hurt her and i don't want to regret breaking up if we have to break up. we live together, so we have a lot of "things" together. i don't know if i honestly love her. sometimes i don't know if i know what it is really. i talked to her, but she gets upset and feels like she's not worth my trying. it is all very frustrating.

thanks Allan too.

sadly, i just don't really enjoy sex as much as she does. she can tell that i do it just for her. she loves to spoon when sleeping. i hate it. frankly, i would rather sleep alone, but that upsets her.

hmmm. my last girl was just a fling and before her i was with a girl who i thought was perfect. but she was staying over all of the time and there everywhere i turned. i started noticing little things that bothered me. she didn't do dishes right. she smoked and i don't. i asked for more space, but that didn't work. i became detached, then we broke up. we stayed good friends for a bit, but i am not allowed to be friends with my exes any more with the girlfriend i am with now.

i stopped drinking. i used to drink a lot. i would say yes- i am an alcoholic. but, i just stopped. no AA nothing. i used to enjoy sex when i was drinking all of the time. she tries to get me to drink again, but i do not want to get caught up in drinking. i can be a nasty drunk, so i just stay away.

maybe she isn't right for me? she seems like she should be perfect though. i have 5 years in this relationship!

:confused: