Luna- Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'm having a pang of feeling sorry for myself. I'm so tired of the work involved in staying well. It's work, work, work, every day, and every swing. And if I don't work at it, I fall into the same old traps I want to stay out of. Trying to keep to a regular routine to keep the cycles even, is hard for me; I've never followed routine any more than I had to, all my life. I dislike routine. Tackling the dips, whether it be by mindful acceptance (still brand new to me and so it takes practice and practice) or by talking back to the depression, is a continuous task. Continuously trying to pay attention to what I eat, trying to motivate myself to exercise (at which I fail abysmally), to keep up social connections, cultivating gratitude, spiritual searching and practice, etc etc etc, all those tools take working at. My BMI is 28, courtesy of the medications I have been and am on, and I'm forever having to try and lose some weight while meds conspire against me.I envy those who are just well. Those for whom depression is what happens when you fail an exam. Those for whom depression is something you can overcome with looking on the bright side. I'm jealous of them.I suppose it has got to me now, because I am trying hard to change old habits and learn new skills and the old ways are so ingrained in me that I have to do everything with deliberate effort. It's just that sometimes I get tired and demotivated and demoralised by the continuous effort it takes. I want to stay well. I will do the work. I will fight the good fight. I just sometimes don't want to care (which doesn't help me 'cause it just makes me sick again). Don't mind me, I'm just having a whine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'm sorry for your feeling so burdened, Lunabelle :(. Are there safe ways to take a break? Watch a movie, read a book, see an art show? Will Critic let you fill back up with alternative inputs? I am not minimizing how hard this is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindamomof7 Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 ...................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindamomof7 Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Dear Luna,I promise you that those who look like they are well all or most of the time are really not. Everyone goes through dark moments, have to cope with crises, experience loss and tragedy, etc. I don't mean to sound maudlin but, do you remember the old saying about grass? "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."Do you know that when we lived in New York, I really did believe that my neighbor's garden was greener? I am not kidding! One day, I went over there to get a closer look and guess what??? His grass had the same problems as mine. I thing we both had grubs and some type of grass disease.Know what i mean??Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanrucas Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Allan, you reminded me of something I saw once on a sign regarding the grass in greener on the other side of the fence, it said, If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, move your fence.... Maybe not a nice thing to do to your neighbor, but it made me smile.Keeping a balance in are live is such constant work, I have been reminded of that recently, I am going to keep fighting for it. I have decided to try and find activities when I am home to keep me busy (other than keep rearranging furniture, which keeps confusing my mom) but I am going to do my best to revive the creativity in my life that has been dorment for so many years. I need to occupy myself so as not to be overwhelmed about what could happen in the future right, I realize thats not helping with anything.Here is continueing with the quest.Shannon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted January 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Thanks, finding.Will Critic let you fill back up with alternative inputs?I'm not sure what you mean by this? Do you mean can the Critic stand aside for a while so I can do something that is relaxing and fills up my wellness? I think so.Thanks, Linda. I'm not sure I understand it all but I do feel the support! Allan - It's not so much the colour of the grass as the mowing and the weeding! Thank you for your support.Ken - you are such a dear. I can always supply you with whine, just tell me which cheese and I will choose accordingly! Sigh. Everything just got too much for me. I am OK. It's the therapy I am trying to do with myself that I find difficult. I want so dearly to stay well. I want to learn these skills so I can keep myself well. Maybe I am pushing too hard, too fast. :~( I just want to get there. Yeah, I know, where is 'there'? I would just like a small success to show me I can do this and show me the rewards I hear about. I am rambling and this is probably jumbled. I don't feel like I am getting anywhere. :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 Yep, you got what I meant Hope you are having an ok night, Luna. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 Luna, I am sorry for your pain. I dont have much to say other than please keep trying... you have so much to offer to others. I know the work seems impossibly hard... I am thinking of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 (((Luna))) I'm sorry you're feeling down and struggling. You're right, it is hard work, but you're worth every bit of it. Take a breath and exhale slowly. You can do this. I hope your kitties are good company tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted January 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 Thanks Mary and IJ.I am trying to do too many things. I am also finding the mindfulness very hard to do. I'm trying to observe what happens but as soon as I do, it disappears and I'm looking at nothing. It's not so much a Critic issue as it is that I get discouraged because I can't seem to figure out how this is done. The instructions are simple, so why does it seem so hard? And I feel demoralised because I want to do the work but I either can't work it out or I hit blocks I struggle to get past. I am just going to forget about it for a couple of days. I've been dysfunctional for 30+ years, what's a few more days? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 Shannon: I love that saying: if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence...move your fence. Luna: Well, maybe you don't have to do so much mowing and weeding because the grass is a lot better than it looks to you.By the way, do you use Yoga? I read a recent article that some of the poses in Yoga relieve stress and anxiety. Also, doing too much really does aggravate these feelings.Anyway, advice is too easy to give. Perhaps its more important for you to know, as you already know, that we fully support you.Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantGiveItAway Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Have you tried to think of ways to make exercising more fun or tolerable by listening to music while you do it or try doing it in different settings, like if you ran on a treadmill or a stationary bike, you could take it outside or bike in some woods or park or something like that. Is there anybody you can run with? Sometimes it helps to have someone who wants to do the same thing and hold you accountable and could help motivate each other. If you dont, I know theres alot of shows or videos where there doing different workouts in different ways and have someone to keep you motivated that way and could keep things fresh for you.Sometimes when we want to do something new or get real excited about something, we just want to jump right in and do all these things and make big immediate gains and then we realize certain things take time and practice and patience. Maybe part of the work for you is trying to help yourself accept and realize that youre gonna hit road blocks and feel stuck sometimes and not feel like you have the answers and feel like youre climbing a mountain. Like you said, youre well being is something that youre working on and being with yourself all the time, it might be hard for you to step back and see all the effort that youve been putting in and the progress youre making.Sorry if it sounds like a bunch of nonsense, im here for you too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted January 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Allan: you really think my grass is better than it looks to me? Am I making heavy weather of a light breeze? I wouldn't wish my own mind on anybody! I am investigating yoga classes. Cant, you are wise for your years. It certainly doesn't sound like nonsense. I used to have a walking partner but our schedules don't overlap any more. I did heave myself out for a walk this morning. If I do it really early in the morning, it might not be so bad. Can't bear the thought of exercise videos, I'm afraid.And your second paragraph - you are quite right and it's wise. I am impatient with this because I used to meditate many years back and I didn't have any problems with it then - I just did it. Now I'm older and crazier. I had another look through the DBT mindfulness notes I got and I'm wondering if they are not making it all too complicated. Maybe I should just put them aside and try to be in the moment. Thanks for your patience, everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanrucas Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Luna, I don't think there is anything I can add to what everybody has said. Just do what you need to take care of yourself, as you well know I am currently learning that lesson too.I find I do the samething when I get to many things going at the same time, I short circuit the neuro transmitters, and anything I look at or read just doesn't seem to make sense and it is a struggle to understand the simplest of things.I wish I could take you for a trail ride in the beautiful country side. It always does me good to listen to my horse and the nature around me.Allan,,,I thought you would like that move the fence thing.Shannon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Luna, I think exercise sucks!!!!! I only do it because I "should"... so I get it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantGiveItAway Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 You mentioned about watching what you eat and I know that it can be a hassle and can be alot more expensive sometimes but do you enjoy cooking? I always thought it would be fun to know how to cook all these different things. I dont know if I would like cooking or just like eating:D but I thought it would be fun to like go through some kind of cookbook with a bunch of recipes in it even if they werent all exactly the healthiest things to eat, you can always cheat once in awhile, like a big desert book:eek:.........btw, I dont think your whining and if you were I wish you'd whine more, I like reading your posts:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted February 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 Thank you Cant. I hate cooking. Was that an offer to come and cook for me? I can't teach you as I don't know myself, but I will be most appreciative of any and all efforts. I buy a lot of fresh fruit and some vegetables and eat them all raw. It's healthy and NO COOKING INVOLVED. I eat cheese and yoghurt and the odd egg and some meat now and then - and I make a mean PB&J. I have to eat something that is at least 500 calories and contains some fat, twice a day for my meds as one of them requires this, to be absorbed. It can be a pain.One day, maybe, eventually, surely! - I will find a partner who loves to cook. Or I will win the Lotto and hire a chef. :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantGiveItAway Posted February 5, 2011 Report Share Posted February 5, 2011 I would cook for you if I was there:),,,,,I cant really cook either but I make a mean apple pie and could send one over to you, I dont know how good it would be when it got there though:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindamomof7 Posted February 5, 2011 Report Share Posted February 5, 2011 ................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.