Luna- Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'm having a pang of feeling sorry for myself. I'm so tired of the work involved in staying well. It's work, work, work, every day, and every swing. And if I don't work at it, I fall into the same old traps I want to stay out of. Trying to keep to a regular routine to keep the cycles even, is hard for me; I've never followed routine any more than I had to, all my life. I dislike routine. Tackling the dips, whether it be by mindful acceptance (still brand new to me and so it takes practice and practice) or by talking back to the depression, is a continuous task. Continuously trying to pay attention to what I eat, trying to motivate myself to exercise (at which I fail abysmally), to keep up social connections, cultivating gratitude, spiritual searching and practice, etc etc etc, all those tools take working at. My BMI is 28, courtesy of the medications I have been and am on, and I'm forever having to try and lose some weight while meds conspire against me.I envy those who are just well. Those for whom depression is what happens when you fail an exam. Those for whom depression is something you can overcome with looking on the bright side. I'm jealous of them.I suppose it has got to me now, because I am trying hard to change old habits and learn new skills and the old ways are so ingrained in me that I have to do everything with deliberate effort. It's just that sometimes I get tired and demotivated and demoralised by the continuous effort it takes. I want to stay well. I will do the work. I will fight the good fight. I just sometimes don't want to care (which doesn't help me 'cause it just makes me sick again). Don't mind me, I'm just having a whine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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