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To be alone or not to be alone that is the question


shanrucas
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As I shut myself from the outside world to take care of my mother, I often wonder if I will ever be able to commit to a relationship with man again. I have only recently began thinking about this issue.

After my last long term relationship which I got my diagnoses shortly after the breakup, I felt better not being in a relationship, I mean who needs the pain of being pushed out after going through so much together. I moved on and worked on myself, learned lots and truly thought I preferred being forever single,,maybe I still do, don't know.

I just know I would rather be alone than lonely in a relationship. thats how it was in my last one. It has been over ten years since that and I have not been in a serious relationship since, dated yes, no emotional ties though.

I have been in a violent relationshep years before , that one did a lot of damage, I thought I had layed those feelings to rest till recently. oh well another learning moment.

So this got me thinking am I ever going to be able to trust again, I get so lonely and recently find myself envious of some of my friends that have good relationships....then I go back to I like being single..maybe thats due to my situation..dunno.

I guess this is just something to ponder on now and then, something else to work on...after all its not like I can get out there and meet new people.

Shannon

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I think its good to know what you dont want in a relationship and having been through some bad ones and having some time to reflect on your own, I think have probably made you stronger then you realize. I cant say how it is to be in your shoes and feel been through the things that you have but I also think it is important to always keep your heart open. If you dont think you can give yourself to someone else, it might be best to stay out of a relationship for awhile, because it would be hard for someone to give themsleves to you if your not open to it.

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Thanks for responding, appreciate the feedback. I just get a little scared of living my entire life alone, I have no children and when mom go's, I will really be alone. Don't get me wrong, I love my independance, but I belive one can still keep their independance and be in a relationship at the sametime. I look at it as 2 lives sharing rather than 2 lives turning into one. I never bought into the soul mate thing either, maybe cause I haven't met anyone I would consider a soulmate..although I have friends use that term and end up separating, to high of expections I guess. I believe in laying a good friend basis first, taking time.

As for staying out of a relationship for awhile...I certainly have that one covered.

Anyway, thats my thoughts on the matter.

Shannon

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I'm 49, too. Twice divorced. I've been single now for 10 years. No dating at all. I've learned to enjoy my own company and I'm happy single. I was also lonely in the relationships; now I am alone and it is easier to be alone than to be lonely with someone, like you say.

Sometimes I also wish I had someone in my life. Some times I get lonely and wonder if I'll always be alone. Part of me is OK with that. Part of me feels it would be a great pity and gives me pangs of loneliness. It's funny that people told me as soon as I no longer need anyone to be in my life, and get OK with being alone, I will meet someone. So much for that! - it has yet to happen.

I feel as you feel, I think. I don't have answers. It would be hard for me to find a partner and I may never do so. I would like to. But there are things it would be hard to give up. Who knows?

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I'm guessing you have heard me ramble on about things going on with me.

I am in a very similar spot. Got to take care of my mother wondering if I can be in a serious relationship, even to the point where when my mother passes I won't have any family left. I never have been in one very serious relationship honestly (besides that thing I keep blabbing about lol).. I want to try it.. to be loved once.

I don't have the answer but I do think we can have strong friendships and even date.

Get to know people.. if the right one comes along that understands our situation great!! If not what do we have to lose.. am I right? We just have to relax with it and not take the process too serious.. and that has been my downfall.

I am sure we don't have to be lonely, even if it just means developing deeper friendships. That I know.

Edited by randomperson
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