k1mberly Posted February 2, 2011 Report Share Posted February 2, 2011 I previously posted this in the 'introduce yourself' section.My thoughts and emotions sometimes, well a lot of the time, feel like they're out of my hands. My life is wonderful - I'm about to be married so these things are even harder to deal with now than they've ever been. I have so much more at stake and I'm afraid that these things will ruin my life. My fiance is extremely supportive and understanding, yet there are some things that are hard to verbalize to someone who hasn't had the experience.I have many issues that I recognize (social anxiety, depression) but I'm experiencing what I think might be intrusive thoughts... although I'm not sure because they're not violent or anything of that nature. I remember one time after I graduated high school where I obsessed over whether or not I had moved my tassel from right to left... I convinced myself for a period of time that my graduation was not legitimate because of this and then I would get angry because I couldn't remember the exact moment in time and if I had actually done it or not.I had a time where I obsessively tried to remember if I had adopted my dog because I liked him when I saw him.. or because I had been with someone when they saw the same time of dog - and like it. I hadn't even remembered this at the time of adoption... but it popped in my head after and I dwelled on it like crazy.It has arisen again recently and deals with a much more serious matter. I was casually talking to a guy I was interested in around the same time I started talking to my fiance... The other guy lived in Florida (states away from me) and I hadn't seen him in years, but we were talking nonetheless. I met my fiance around that time also and after our first date I had fallen head-over-heels and so had he. I immediately ended conversing with Florida. We've been together ever since, but I keep having this intrusive/obsessive thought that I chose to be with my fiance because it was more convenient since he was closer. I don't remember thinking that at the time, but my brain convinces me that I might have.. and if I did that it was bad and makes my whole falling in love with my fiance disingenuous. I know that after I met him, that was it... but I keep thinking.. what if you thought that AFTER you met him. I was so happy that week and I'm 99.9% a thought like that didn't cross my mind. It's like I can't resolve this in my head.I obsess with trying to relive every thought that I had and every feeling that I felt around that time. It hurts to even write this because I love this man more than anything in this world and I am in distress because this thought keeps harassing me. I don't want it to ruin something so wonderful and this time (that I should be enjoying completely) in my life.And the thoughts just keep coming.. one after another... like I'm being attacked. I can't resolve them and I just keep going in circles in my head. I don't want to contact this Florida guy and see if something is there.. I have no interest in that.. but my brain is obsessively thinking that I MUST do this in order to BE SURE, because you never know Kim and you can't trust yourself. I have cried for two days straight since that first thought came into my mind and I've been a sick nervous wreck. I stayed home from work today to seek help from others who may have had this or a similiar experience and can offer my some guidance as to what this is. Is this a form of OCD?Sorry this is so long! I need help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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