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Hi all in sps forum


TANTALUS
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New member here who found relief (initially) simply by discovering this forum last week and reading similar (and ALL of the essays/theories) stories from guys with this all consuming (for me STILL paralyzing) condition.

I posted a couple of questions a few days ago in the 'new member' area as I couldn't do so directly here, and haven't had a response as yet. I will try again here now that I'm allowed, in the hope of hearing something ANYTHING new from anyone.

Basically I wondered if any guys here had actually taken Prof Schwartz's advice with proven success? I.E therapy combined with mindful meditation and A) How is it going? :o Has there been a glimmer of hope re: finding PEACE and acceptance within ones own mindset and thought processes?

Incidentally I am a spiritual person who does use meditation (it helps a little) and have had 'counsellors' on and off for many years however NONE have ever addressed/discussed how intensely sps has affected me and the resulting anxiety/depression which has been a lifelong plague to various degrees but NEVER ever gone away. Additionally, I've had ALL available surgeries which have made zero difference not to mention a few drugs eg anti-depressants/tranqs.

I have ridden this rollercoaster (both here in the UK and abroad, few years in US) to such an extent that I presently find myself being utterly exhausted of pretending to be outwardly "normal" whilst torturing myself with the dishonesty necessary to do so (NOONE knows that isn't bound by confidentiality law), at the same time as obsessing with the views of society (reiterated LOUDLY in most forms of media as we all know) when I am alone in bed at night, unable to sleep.

At this stage I have now 'dropped out' (for the past 2 years) and just desperately need to know if there is ANY guy out there who is TRULY below the average size (of MOST if not ALL surveys) and has found a way to accept/cope other than living as a social recluse? Needless to say my life is non-existant like most (sadly) men who post here.

Any info/thoughts are very welcome.

Cheers guys.

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The only therapy is CBT. Examining your thoughts for truth, then modifying them accordingly. If you truly have a small penis then no amount of thinking about your size differently will change how a woman sees your penis, or how much humiliation your peers will throw at you. 4" is 4".

For an inoperable deformity, the only cure available is in the mind. There is no plausable mindset that allows a man with a small penis to engage with life as a fully functional sexual being, happily. To be trully happy living with a small penis you have to be insane.

Which is why so many of us drop out and live a reclusive existence. Once you have considered all options you will find that suicide is the only deffinative solution to the problem of a small penis.

I am in year 12 of my isolation, aged 47 I have no hope left of solution. I only carry on with isolation over sucide, because I am a coward.

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Well, for one thing, opinions can change, without insanity being required.

For instance, you don't have to be insane to simply ignore humiliation thrown at you by people with an even worse limitation than the one you believe you have, that of having small minds. It's based on an error of fact: you are not less of a man for being a different size, or as you describe it, "deformed".

But I think the reason to ask for that clarification is that it sounded a bit as if you were telling Tantalus to believe the same thing. And because I don't think you were, it helps to add the note about opinion.

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To be trully happy living with a small penis you have to be insane.

ND, read this back to yourself and ask yourself if it sounds logical. As you know, depression can create some very negative thinking. Isn't this something we all need...to be content with who we are? I can tell that you're hurting. :( The reason why I stick around here (as you mentioned in another thread) is because I know all of you are worth every moment of effort and care. I just hope that one day you are able to see this too. Keep fighting.

Tantalus, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you've been struggling with this and hope you can find some support here that offers you some comfort in this.

Take care, both of you.

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M: it was you who said to be humiliated by what people are saying, that I had to have bought into it emotionally. Which is probably the best insight I came across on here, and sent me thinking in a new direction. I still agree, that it only matters because I still buy it.

The reason I buy it, is because it is true, my penis is small The only action I can take is think "I dont care what people say or think about my penis" which is where the insanity comes in, because the only way to achieve this mindset would be to be so pig ignorant of others opinions, I wouldn't listen to anything anyone had to say.

there s no point to this, it just gos on and on.

Edited by samesame
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Well, if you mean life, ND, then yeah, it does go on.

You get to choose how it goes, though. Something bought can be returned to the shop, if you get tired of it.

You may not change what people say. For all I know, people still call me "nerd"; I know that some have. Thing is, it's just a word. Even if it's a true word, which it is in my case ... I'm the one that gives it meaning. I decide whether it's a meaning that hurts me or not. Their intention, their meaning, is pretty clear: they wanted it to hurt. To them, it means something bad.

Thing is, I don't give a ... hoot what they think. :-)

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There are women who look for more than penis size. I've noticed a lot of Turkish/Azerbaijan women seem to brought up in a culture where they won't have sex before marriage. I agree that you're playing Russian roulette at time with westernised women. If you are confident in life other than your penis issues then I would suggest pursuing new hobbies where these nicer girls will reside.

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The reason I buy it, is because it is true, my penis is small The only action I can take is think "I dont care what people say or think about my penis"

Your penis is what it is. It's yours. My thinking is that you need to accept yourself as you are. Once you do that, others' opinions won't matter so much.

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I think making fun of it yourself is the best way to go about things. I made a joke on facebook about how I was trimming my pubes to make it look bigger. Obviously hinting that it's not big. It felt kinda good actually and I feel it's a step towards feeling better about it.

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Fed, I'd be very carefull outing yourself on facebook, unless you are sure you can handle to negativety people will throw at you.

As for not giving a hoot or accepting myself, thats beyond me. For dismissal to work, I would have to buy in to the fact that my size is not a negative, when it so obvously is.

Sorry Tant, if I appear to of hijacked your thread, and for the negativity, this thing gets the better of me quite often, and I type without proper thought, in temper.

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I.J: It is a small comfort even finding this place. Previous attempts resulted in frustration and failure.

M: I didn't take SS's views as encouragement to believe the same even though I tend to concur. I'm now 41, on my knees with mental exhaustion, depression and cannot for the life of me imagine a way to re-join society when the references are in all forms of media universally and are frickin relentless about 'us' wee guys! Right now I simply find it easier to be unsociable. I've acquired quite enough rotten comments as it is.

My way around it before had always been to ignore the idiots and just keep myself busy working, studying, travelling etc (this helped at the time particularly with the questions surrounding why NO relationships) however watching everyone around you find someone special, settle down, start familys and so on whilst noting that this STUPID form of cruelty remains louder than ever!

This is why I'm asking WHO out there has went for C.B.T with this issue? Since that's all we have! Not directing ALL of this at you M. ANYONES experiences here would be brilliant. If none I guess my next step will be to contact Allan directly. Will add one more relevant thing. I had a year of psychotherapy (weekly) in 09 and never once did we discuss sps or ANYTHING about my penis when that was the singular reason I got myself referred. EVERY session was about my family relationships and I never could understand this. Anyone any input about why this worked out like that?

Also, whoever mentioned taking over the thread (I've forgotten, short-term memory useless these days :-Z ) no worries about that. I've noticed folk just jump in wherever lol. I've also picked up on a theme of who REALLY is below average and who isn't. TRULY small is a regular way (myself included) some people put it. It just makes me wonder why there's confusion/uncertainty when there isn't a great deal of disparity in the available surveys? Bottom percentages or below the averages surely answers the differences between SELF-perception?

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EVERY session was about my family relationships and I never could understand this. Anyone any input about why this worked out like that?

It would depend on your therapist and the type of therapy you were involved in. Those early relationships can play a part in how we feel about ourselves in the present and how we relate to others. I would imagine a low sense of self-worth does relate back to your childhood in some ways. In saying that, therapy is a professional service that you are paying for, so it's okay to tell the therapist how you would like to proceed. Sometimes it can be challenging to find a good match. Keep searching until you do.

The bottom line (aside from size and measurements) is how you feel about yourself. What are your attributes and gifts, Tantalus? What do you like about yourself?

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Tantulus,

You are welcome to ask me questions in the forumn or by PM (private message) and I will always try to answer.

In my opinion, cognitive behavior therapy would be a good idea for you and in relation to the small penis issue. However, it would be really important to let the therapist know, at the very start of therapy, that small penis is the issue and that you want to focus on help with that.

You need to find a therapist who specializes in using cbt. Not all do. There are clinical psychologists who are trained in this and use only cbt. There are a few clinical social workers who do. Some therapists might tell you that they know cbt when they really are not trained in it. You need to ask before you choose a therapist.

Allan

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Haven't been here in a while. Following my initial elation at discovering this forum I then became extremely disheartened at the repetitive (no offense) and similarly sad stories.

Thanks for the offer to answer my questions. I really only have one right now. Have you EVER had a client or do you have knowledge of ANYONE who is/was being treated/counselled with sps and has found cbt/meditation (as you've suggested) successful??

I really need to know this from the viewpoint of FELT EXPERIENCE NOT THEORY in order to re-gain some hope that it is worth TRYING. Thanks Allan.

Recluse, negative on the relationship, EVER.

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I don't think there are too many success stories regarding guys like us. I think people who genuinely have sps, meaning someone who is average but thinks they are small, have a good shot at getting better.

The first step is figuring out whether you are truly below average in some measurement or are average. I am below average in girth, average in length. I genuinely have a lot working against me. For someone like myself, success is rare and you will probably not hear to many success stories.

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I think youd be hard pressed to find alot of success stories, not because there isnt guys out there that have your size penis and that are happy though...But maybe some guys never even had an issue with the size of there penis and you wouldnt hear there stories anywhere or maybe guys where cbt wasnt exactly for them in the standard sense but found there way some other way. I dont think cbt has to be the last stop or the only thing worth trying, you could find a combination of things that work for you.

What if you spent your whole life looking for someone that found success in what you were looking to try an accomplice but never found it. Then on your deathbed when your 100 you heard that someone did overcome it. Dont you think it was atleast worth trying even if you didnt know how it was going to end up? You could be your own success story.

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I had my first session with a sex therapist this week for SPS and he mentioned that he has worked with quite a few men on SPS using CBT....which is of course, why I'm seeing this particular therapist.

His estimate was that 75% of his patients have substantial improvement in outlook about their penis. Though he did add that the treatment does get painful near the middle...he didn't explain why. I guess I could see myself resisting...kind of like, I can see that it's SMALL...you can't try to talk me out of that because then I would be lying to myself!

Anyway, obviously too early to know what my own personal success will be with the treatment but I will report back as things progress or don't.

Weird thing, though...I did feel tremendously depressed after my first session. I wonder if I had been deflecting thoughts about SPS for the past month as much as possible...and now that I have to confront it, it's almost like a psychic truckload of badness hit me?

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...you can't try to talk me out of that because then I would be lying to myself!

Its this point that has got me stumped. Dont matter what positive thing I tell myself, I feel deep down its just a lie. I can reasonably buy into some of the logic, but it feels like a lie, so I dont buy into it emotionally.

Good luck Nessie, perhaps you can pass on some tips to those of us who cannot access pro help.

Nessie - Monster - clever

Edited by samesame
bbh jds
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No one expects to convince you that your measurements will change.

My height is five feet six; I'll never be six feet tall no matter how much CBT I receive.

But, if I started out feeling inferior to six-footers, CBT could well help me to see that I have just as much right to exist as anyone else.

The point is not to lie to you about size; it's to break the assumption that size matters in everything.

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The point is not to lie to you about size; it's to break the assumption that size matters in everything.
Right, I know what you mean but I think I was referring more to why I have a feeling the treatment will be difficult and why I will probably resist. Which is that I think most of us feel that it's the penis itself that is the source of our problem - our perceptions and depression are merely an unpleasant artefact of a sad truth....and since enhancing our equipment isn't viable, we can never be fixed.

But in general, I have to wonder if there's some deeper problem that is the source of the SPS.

All that said, I'm going ahead with the CBT and hope it can work for me. Even a partial "cure" would be worth something, lol.

I will keep people posted with any helpful advice.

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I think for people who have sps, the dick is not the problem, it is more similar to a body perception disorder, maybe similar to an anorexic who thinks they are fat. I definitely think sps is psychological and much of it is based on porn and societal perceptions about how size is the most important factor for a male as far as sex is concerned. Average size is fine for the vast majority of women out there and I am sure there are forms of therapy that can help people with sps. The first step is determining whether you have sps or are genuinely small.

As far as my situation goes, I have average length but below average girth or thickness. As a result of this, I genuinely am small and so for me, the root of my problems is my cock as if it were of average thickness, I would have no issues dating or meeting women. As women describe girth or thickness as the most important aspect of size, not having this is a genuine sexual handicap. The average girth is 4.9 inches thickness while erect, as mine is only 4 inches circumference while erect, I am below average.

My psychological problems with this would be non-existent if I were average in girth. Sps has a different psychological root which I am sure can be cured using therapy etc.

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