lostnalone85 Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 I have posted on here once before, but I think a part of me knew I joined this community to help me through what was coming. I knew the emotional abuse and constant hellacious fighting, turmoil, and chaos would eventually boil over the top of the pot. This morning, I had to watch my 4 yr old niece and my 1 yr old nephew. They were at my ouse and my boyfriend and I were having a disagreement about an area rug. Pointless, wasteful disagreement. I knew we were annoyed with each other, but I didn't realize he was having an episode until he tried to take the car and leave me stranded with the kids (needed to run them back home soon). I tried to protest and ask him to please get control of himself and he was over the edge. You can just see it in someone's eyes when they lose touch...lose control. He asked for the keys and I said no and he slammed the door, slammed me against it, grabbed my hair on either side of my face, and slammed my head against the wall 5 or 6 times... clearly I said screw it take the car and gave him the keys (obviously him staying is putting the kids in danger, right?) so, he grabs my purse, slams it down (ripping it of course), and takes my cell phone (my only communication with TWO kids under my care!) so I had to try to get it back! I saw it on the car seat, so I ran and grabbed for it and he shoved me head first into the car the rest of the way (smushing my face into the passenger window) and slammed the door as hard as he could, catching 3 toes in the door. It hurt really bad, but I was most concerned with the kids seeing out the window so I just begged him to go and he did. I haven't even been able to cry. I am 25 yrs old and destitute. I put the kids down for a nap and the only thing I could think to do was come here. I just feel that if noone tells me this is all going to end at some point and that it's not my fault, I will just give up. Just check out on life. I just feel so exhausted, stupid, embarrassed, sore in many ways, and lost. I have no idea what is going to happen to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 Unless you think you just beat yourself up, it's not your fault.It won't continue, but here's the hard part: unless you let it.Be poor if you have to; don't let yourself be beaten.Poor, most people survive. The next beating, maybe not.Call the (brother, sister?) whose kids you're watching, and get them to get you to a shelter.Oh, and take pictures of your bruises. He'll deny they ever happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chatterbox512 Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 It will get better as long as you find the strength to take the steps to make it change. Asking for help is always a good place to start. In no way is this your fault!!! Just because you have put up with it for 4 years doesn't mean that you have to keep putting up with this type of behavior. YOU got lucky today!! Your boyfriend could have easily done something worse to get his point across to you. Please don't take the chance that he will get better and change, get some help from somewhere and get the heck out of there!! If you can find the strength to do so. You deserve to feel safe. YOu have the right to say No, you have the right to have others respect your decisions, and you have the right to not fear living in your own home with in an abusive relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherzade Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 I totally agree with Malign and Chatterbox512. Somehow you have to find the will to give the first step, which is to ask for help. The second and most difficult one, to be consistent in your decision. The support that you may receive can help you understand why you are in this relationship and hopefuly help you improve the image you have of yourself. You don’t seem to think much of yourself, but I have a different opinion even without knowing you. As strange as it may seem, no one deserves to be a victim of such brutality. Without knowing you I can tell you that whatever you do or whoever you are, is NEVER going to justify your boyfriend’s actions. He is responsible for them not you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostnalone85 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Thanks for the replies... He is moved out and I am by myself. Now is when I find out what I'm made of, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherzade Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 You say that you are by yourself. Have you got support from friends and/or family? I think it would be helpful if you received support from a charity or other group for women victims of domestic violence. You will meet more people that went through the same experience and work together to be consistent in your decision. One last question: do you feel ashamed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Athena Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 lostnalone85,No doubt you feel very alone right now. I was going to say that, even before I looked up your name again, which says it all...Go and be with somebody who cares about you, or who will simply listen to you. Stay on here all day if you can't immediately connect with flesh and blood. PM any of us. But believe me, it is sooooo much better to be alone than to stay with somebody abusive. It may be painful, but it's a much healthier form of pain, and one that you CAN survive with support from people who care. You have made the first step. I congratulate you for your courage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
58corvette Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 After reading your Post & then his moving out; it obviously is still fresh & violitle.If in any way you can Find a Safe (House) or Place not be Alone & Make a Report Please Do So. This to me seems Very Serious. And Physical Abuse is Something Very Bad. You Need & Deserve to Feel & Be Safe.The Best To You Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mscat Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Thanks for the replies... He is moved out and I am by myself. Now is when I find out what I'm made of, I guess.Glad he has moved out... That guy is dangerous. nobody has a right to beat on you.. PLease if he ever comes near you again, call the police. your safety is of number one importance. The little children you were watching witnessing this is absoluetly terrifying to them. Now you are by yourself, however, your really not by yourself at all. If you have family members and close friends , try to be with them as much as possible. Even a phone call will help you feel better , and not so alone. I think of you as a strong person. Your standing on your own two feet now. Please , just do not let that man come near you. Get a restraining order . It can be hard to be alone, however worse if their is someone hurting you physically. Keep writing in here and we will help support you. i am glad your ok . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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