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My ptsd


sadgreeneyes
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How do you explain to your husband that some of the things you do/say is because of the ptsd?

Tonight my husband wanted me to send him the web page as he wanted to see pic of the new shoes I have bought. It didnt work I sent him just the pic, then he asked to send him the whole web page, I said I didnt want, but didnt tell him the reason why.

He looked at me weird, he even looked like he was looking at me with disgust for a moment, but after some second he said ok you are free to not send the page to me.

How can I tell him it is my ptsd? because its embarrassing and I am afraid it will be used against me later as it has before.

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Thank you Lindamomof7,

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you,but very glad to hear it did go so well about telling it to your husband and that he understand you so well:)

Yes, the site is connected to my ptsd as I dread him seeing nudity and that means even if its just a woman in underwear, like in a catalogue. I dread he would look for other things there and end up with the women. So bad is my ptsd and so embarrassing is my ptsd that I will be laughed off if I told him this.

So I got panic and said I didnt want to send him the page.

I have no problems telling him I have ptsd, but I have problems telling him what it is about as I am afraid he will use it against me. One abuser did. Maybe when I get to know my husband more I could tell him. Because I have to tell him,but I dont know how to as it is too bad stuff. If it was ANYTHING else than nude women I would have no problem.

I dont know how to make him understand without laughing of me or use it against me, plus if I tell him he will know every time we look tv and I will know he knows my weakness and fear and it will only be worse for me when we have to look tv or wherever nudity would show up:confused::)

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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The abuser who used it against me was one I should marry. I´m glad I didnt end up with him. I am scared my husband will use it against me because he has shown signs of an abuser by pressuring me for sexual stuff, he has said I was right it wasnt good and that he will not "ask" again what he actually tried to "push" me too, so as I always have met abusers I am afraid my husband can be one too and if I tell him about my ptsd well than my life would be extremely unbearable as abusers always use your weaknesses against you. Second reason is that it is very embarrassing for me anyway as I have these overwhelming strong feelings of humiliation and shame connected to it. It wont do me any better if a therapist told him. Its exactly the same.

You are kinda right, I fear telling it to my husband because if he knows he will know how I feel when there should happen something and then it will be even more humiliation and even more feelings of horror for me. And I dont know why I feel what I will say now, but I feel that I will be abused with it. That a man would find it amusing to humiliate a woman with this.

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Yes, its ok we dont tell everything. If I knew my husband would not use it against me but rather support me and help me with the things necessary so I could live a life free of the worst things, like certain tv programs, places and stuff, then I would tell him. But I wouldnt tell him with the worst words, which are so shameful to me,wouldnt say its because of nudity, I would say it in a more vague way so he knows what it is about. Because if I dont say it how am I suppose to get the support needed to live more normal. This is my problem,I dont know will he understand me or help me. I had an incident about this in Jordan, the tv was on and two "circus women" or whatever they were, was standing with glitter bras beside the bbc news man, showing their tummies and I said to my husband yeah I see you looking, he said he cant control whats on tv. And he has mentioned some months ago this incident. He didnt forget it and I felt like I was blamed being crazy. As he doesnt understand I have ptsd about this, even I told him early on before marriage that I have problems with this, but he thought maybe I meant worse stuff and porn which he of course said he will not look, plus he said its ok with the channels, he only needed his channel from his country and he would be satisfied. I was relieved. But now I am very insecure did he really mean that.

Yesterday I sent him a message saying I know he didnt understand what was with me yesterday as I couldnt send him the web page and said it was because of my ptsd, told him I know its hard to understand but that I hoped he would understand me and understand what it means to have ptsd.

Today he didnt mention ( on txt) anything about my txt yesterday about the ptsd, only the usual goodnight message. How am I suppose to get through to him I wonder, I was hoping he would say something so I could start saying something about it in a vague way.Not exposing me, but just to see if he would be supportive again, to be reassured about what he said early on, that he didnt need the channels:confused:

His channel doesnt contain ugly stuff of any kind as its islam tv. I would rather give up my programs like the bachelor and stuff if he only would be satisfied with his channel. Puh, its difficult for me this:(

One good thing is that we have a tv company ( the only one in history)who offer people to chose their own channels what to watch and pay for each channel. This is great. Hopefully my husband can have his channel in this packet of mine.

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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Yes, it is very difficult for me without having that trust,we havent connected with any affection and love, and without it no true genuine marriage can be built. So I hope it will be connection when I go down. He mistrusted me about using the pills to avoid pregnancy as we have agreed to wait one year. Said it would be horrible I got pregnant without agreement. And I have never said anything else rather than agree with him.

Last year he said he would be "very" happy I got pregnant right away by my first stay. But asked me to use the pills as his parents had said we must wait having baby till we have money, I agreed of course wth waiting,but we used condom. This year he refuses me using the pills and wants to use condom which he didnt wish to use last year. Its obvious he thought I may would fool him. I guess he thinks I am unstable as I have this fear. But is it strange I have fear, not when the situation is like it is. It doesnt mean I´m crazy. And anyway I´m his wife for Christ sake.

Was it bad to say it would be horrible his wife got pregnant? because he said it like this : hooorrriiibbble. Not so nice to hear:( could he chose better words? I feel his choice of words are all containing FEAR of being close to me, and now it was such a horrible thing if I got pregnant.

But when I say to him I feel he is scared to death to be close to me, that I´m not garbage and there is nothing wrong with me, just as he knows.

Then he is quick saying no dont say that and think like that, because its no truth in any of it, that he is scared being close to me. I dont know why it feels like he may feel/think he´s too good to touch a woman.

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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  • 1 year later...

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