shanrucas Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 I really don't know how I seem to be able to keep going...I am so tired and depressed and not mention paralyzed with fear. I can't think straight,can't if its the stress of taking care of mom at the rate I have been, or is it a bipolor empisode, PTSD episode or all of the above. Today I woke up crying and I am still at it. The pain is so umbearable sometimes, I get confused about what I should do first. Where does my mom begin and I end. I feel I have lost my identity, don't know who I am anymore. don't know how much longer I can go on. I keep searching web sites on MS and caregiving and keep ending up stuck and not finding help. I have trouble even communicating what it is needed. I am not sure this is even making any sense, I am just spilling it out. I get scared about needing to go to the hospital..who would take care of mom. Don't have enough money anyway. I just don't think I can take much more. I want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 (((Shannon))) I imagine that anyone in the situation you're in with your mother would begin to feel the strain after a while. There has to be a way for you to get a breather and find your bearings again. Can you call your mother's doctors and ask for their thoughts on this? Maybe they might offer some ideas on who could give you some respite in this. Can you see your doctor/therapist too? I hope you get some rest soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tash28 Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 Hi shannonI think you need to go to you mums doctor again and demand some help. Get a OT out to do an assessment then maybe their will see that you cant do this alone anymore. Have you got a friend that would come in and sit with your mum while you have a break. Dont be scared about maybe having to go into hospital one day and who would look after your mum as Im sure there are organisations who will step in. Its finding them that is hard.Take care shannon. Thinking of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindamomof7 Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 .................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanrucas Posted February 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 Thank to all for responding to my cries. Its so hard when mom goes through periods of repeatedly saying ow, ow, ow. She will do this for hours and days continuely, whether she is on pain meds or not. Most of the time she is not aware she is doing it and when asked does not remember saying and says she is not in pain, but then as soon as I turn around she carries on again. Its exhausting, her neurologist thinks it has more to do with the lesion on her cognitive part of her brain that perhaps is growing larger. Its so hard to listen to day in and day out.I have an appt. with pdoc this tuesday, I will ask him if there is anything that I can do for myself short of staying in psych ward, I know in realtiy he will want me to go though.Her doctors don't know what to do except to make her comfortable as possible, which I think is what we are doing. There is not much we can do about the lesion causing much of this.I popped in here, cause I feel exhausted from living in crisis mode so much. I don't get the support on the other sites like those for caregivers and MS, like I do here. I have been thinking about calling my aunt, a hard thing to do, she is the type to say I told you so, but I am way to busy to help, you should just put her in nursing home and sell the house. I would fair better asking for friends help, which I will do even though I hate to. Mom is a lot of work to watch over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 (((Shannon)))You are in a 24/7 job with no time off, not even for a night's sleep. I think it's pretty natural to burn out. Is there a way you can get a partial solution - such as respite care for a few days in a home and then your mom comes home again? At least get some time off?I know it's so easy to suggest things and not so easy to actually think of what to do and do it, especially when you aren't properly rested. And I also hate calling friends. But you do need help with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanrucas Posted February 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 Thanks Luna, I had checked into respite care, it will cost her out of pocket 130.00 per day because she has an income her medicare will not pay for it, they won't pay for her caregivers, all that is out of pocket expenses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 Now that you mention it, you have told me this before, I'm sorry. Sounds like the attorney is your best bet, but I know that doesn't help you in the meantime. Someone needs to point out that she may have an income but it is not enough to be able to afford what she needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tash28 Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 hi shannonThis must be so hard for you having to do this every day and night with no help. I think it is time now to call your family and friends for some help. Im sure they will only be to happy to help as they wont want to see you burnt out.Thinking of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindamomof7 Posted February 14, 2011 Report Share Posted February 14, 2011 ............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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