samesame Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 As I have said over and over, the only thing we can change are our thoughts. That thought has to be "I dont care" and I have to believe that to the extent that whatever humiliation is heaped on me "I dont care". Shame when I show it "I dont care" can she feel it "I dont care". Thats the only thought that works in all situations.The trouble is, try as I might, I just dont believe that its a plasuable thought.As Im 47 yrs old with waning libido and virility, no job, no career, no money, no family, no assets, and no friends, and permantely miserable living in my 12th year as a recluse. I think the time has come to get comfortable with the idea of suicide. Death, and it all stops, all the shit stops. There's real comfort in that for me. Where as struggling with this thing and my shit life is nothing but hard work, grief, shame,anger etc.Live, and I have to........Get a minimum wage job, and tell lies to people about why I have not freinds, family, wife, assets, history, what have I been doing for 12 years, or admit Im a loser, loner, with a small penis. in 5 or 6 years or maybe never Ill be earning a resonable wage. Working hard starting at the bottom is no gaurantee of success.Convince myself "I dont care" about anything anyone says to me ever, to the externt I can achieve an erection.Face a woman again sexually, and not care what she thinks, doesnt think, feels doesnt feel.build a new social circle from scratch and answer all the above questions and then say to myself "I dont care" when they find out and humilate me.Jump, gaurnteed no more pain, no more recluse, no more effort, no more anything. Anybody who is going to argue differently is arguing a bet, a could, a might be, but not a definately.Risk Vs reward, says suicide is the best bet.Im sure there will be those who will come along and say all the usual bullshit, "you could" you Can You might" etc but realistically can anybody say what I can definately achieve? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.