Lady_Evalden Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 It's been a long time since I've been to this forum. I was waiting to post something new, in hopes I would feel better since my last post...but, honestly, I've gotten worse....I HATE to admit this...but in December, I attempted suicide. I honestly thought I was past it too...I hate hurting my family, and friends. It tears me apart to think of what emotional pain I inflict on them all...only because of my own selfishness. But, I just feel so numb. Like I'm watching someone else live my life through a fogged window...like I don't even have a grip on my own soul, and I just resort to self-injury for comfort to know I'm still alive. But when my emotions get too intense, I just can't bear life, and resort to killing myself. It doesn't help that I constantly hear my name whispered either...it only makes me feel more crazy. But then I just slip into my almost trance-like state and forget I'm even alive. It's like I can't feel any emotions, anger, sadness, nothing...without my brain shutting off.I also can't sleep, or eat, my thoughts constantly race, I'm always in pain, I have panic attacks often, Everything I used to love doing, has lost it's luster, I can't show affection, or even think about it for that matter... and I always want to be alone. It hurts...this isn't me! The old me loved everyone, wanted to make a difference in the world, was kind and gentle. I want her back... but now, I just see the world, and how hateful, and cruel it can be and just want to die. I feel like my life has no meaning, that I'm destined to always be a failure. A disappointment. A nobody the world will forget. I was so excited when I got anti-depressants, but it's not helping me anymore. It only makes me nauseous. I want to go to a psychologist, but my family has no money. I'm stuck. So please...I need help. What is wrong with me? Do I have some kind of mental disorder...do I need some other type of medication, or professional help? Or am I just crazy.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.