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It always repeat itselves


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I think my husband is emotionally abusive. He repeats the same patterns everytime he knows I´ve been upset and vulnerable. Everytime we agree again about the subject that makes me upset, he apologizes saying I am right, then we get agree and I have all the times thought now this time it will be good, but each time we have been agree and I have said it has made me sad, he has been following through our agreement, but it only lasts for a couple of days before he starts missing/not doing what we had agreed upon.

He has the latest two months had excuses and reasons why he hasnt been able to follow through. One of the excuses was lousy.

It was never like this in the beginning. Never. Not ONE day. He ALWAYS followed through. It has been the latest two months and the repeating cycle is closer between each time now than when he started this.

It has gotten so bad that I have wanted to escape talking to him over cam. Some days ago I threw my phone as hard as I could in the floor hoping my phone would break.

I get a sick vulnerable feeling where I wish I could be left in peace till I got some real love from him. It has happened so many times now that I feel I cant stand facing him as he always do this after I´ve been vulnerable or kept my mouth not saying anything about it, when I do, we agree and then he starts again.

I know he will look for the disappointment in my face. I wish I could escape that feeling, to let him see my hurt now again.

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I dont fear going down to middle east and see him in April, but he has changed his demands little bit saying I should know his religion without asking. Saying I have to stay indoors the days he is working when I´m there as we will rent flat in a rape area?? he say so:confused: as this probably is the only place to rent, I dont know. And saying this is the reason I must stay indoors. Plus also saying suddenly that it was mistake letting me go alone last time I was there, and this was not dangerous area, it was in the city, but as a man in a photoshop had offered to drive me up in the city to take pics of the view of the city( told him this), he said he knew what that man wanted adn so not safe for me to go anywhere. I saw lots or young arab girls walking alone without problem, but now he says I cant because of rape area, plus this man, plus its different with me because I am european so middle east men will think I am an easy target:confused: I said but I´m not easy target, no he knows that but that wouldnt help me.

Maybe he is worried for my safety, I dont know. Said I must not open the door if someone rang the door as I could be raped.

But I feel he is more demanding, well he is, but I dont know if the reason he say is the truth or if he wants control over me.

He say confusing things like : first I should know his religion without asking ( this in his country)

Then one day he said what do I need his religion for when we will stay in my country.

Then later saying he will keep his culture in my country.


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Im sorry things are so hard for you right now, I dont have any experience with long distant relationships but it might be good to give him alittle space, he might be going through some things that are hard to talk about too and that might be the cause of his some of his mood changes. I know theres alot of give and take in a relationship sometimes and you might want to think about whats really important to you and try to let some of the smaller things go sometimes. Thinking how you might be able make the realtionship better and focuse on how you react could change his behavior but if something is really important to you or is a constant occurence, you should make that known and he should recognize how much that means to you.

I didnt see your second post when I posted.

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Hi CantGiveItAway,

thank you for replying, its true we have had ups and downs, but his behavior has not to do with that. It is that he repeats a pattern that is harmful for the marriage, he is breaking this promise over and over again.

The reason I think he is abusive is because there are other red flags. I cant be sure, but it feels like he wants to let me suffer sometimes.

I have told him how much it means to me, this is why its a very bad thing he breaks the promise.

I´m sorry my other post came little late yes. I guess I have to try not to react to it as its told its best not to react to an emotionally abusive person. If he is one. He knows I´ve been hurt, sad and crying, still he just chose to break the promise.

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