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I am suicidal right now


sadgreeneyes
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I dont know if I can take it anymore, he doesnt love me, no one ever will either, why cant I just get peace, I told him just a week ago how I fear abandonment and now he said he would leave me or accept a loveless marriage. And I am not able to let him go. I think right now I cant live without him, I think if he leaves me I want to die.

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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I dont know if I can take it anymore, he doesnt love me, no one ever will either, why cant I just get peace, I told him just a week ago how I fear abandonment and now he said he would leave me or accept a loveless marriage. And I am not able to let him go. I think right now I cant live without him, I think if he leaves me I want to die.

that is not true.... People will and do love you . For who you are unconditionally. I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time. You deserve to be happy. Abandonment issues are really scaring you , I understand how this feels. PLease be safe . If you need to go to the hospital because of this , do it. I hope you do not want to die because of him . PLease take care of yourself , that is most important.

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Please don't look at not living as an option. Do you have friends or family near by that you can call, maybe spend a few days with? If you stay in your mindframe will you please go to the nearest hospital? Right now is not a time to be alone. I'm here for you day or night. Please don't do anything rash.

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Hi Jenna, thank you, I have no family or friends to go to. Dont want anybody to know how my husband have turned out abusive and cruel, out for visa and abuse me at same time as thats what they told me, he uses you.

Now he not only use me, he abuses me too. I wrote another post here how he abuses me, very long post but describes the use and abuse.

I fool myself he will change when he only see how much I love him and that I will make him happy. That he will turn normal. That he will be able to love me.

But deep down inside I know thats not true. I cant stand the thought of losing him now. I dont know what to say to him, he wants an answer by tomorrow.

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You do not have to be with this guy in order to breathe. Staying with him sounds like it is doing more damage than good. I know what it is to fear being alone. Abandonment is horrible, but sometimes you'd be better off without the person who abandons you. I know of someone with whom you can have a relationship with that will never abandon you.... his name is God. As a matter of fact, he's with you at all times. You deserve more than what you have sweetie. It sounds like you settling for what you can get instead of what you deserve. He is the one with the problem and the reason that he's giving you these choices is not because of anything that you have done. It's because he can not commit. He doesn't want to have that responsibility, because he's not a kind person. Don't blame yourself when he's to blame. Saddness is not the correct emotion to feel right now. If anything, you should be angry with him for thinking that you need him in order to live your life. He thrives from your pain and by knowing that he can hurt you so easily. What would stop all of this is if you stood up for yourself and let him know you deserve better and someone out there will be very lucky to have your love. Pray.... I'll pray for you. I'm a firm believer in prayer. I have my reasons. Don't let him get enjoyment out of your pain. Stop it now, take a few weeks to get adjusted after the greiving process of the relationship being over, then get out there and create yourself a new life. Pamper yourself. Go get a new hair cut, change your look so you'll feel good about yourself. Go get your nails done, a new outfit, go out on the town and meet new friends. Who cares if people are going to say I told you so. That will stop and they will be more amazed at how you are moving on instead of the fact they were right about him using you. Chin up gal. You're in the driver's seat now. You make the decisions on where your life is going to go. Wind down, get to bed, and when you awake tomorrow, make it a goal to start the new, confident, happy you, and create the life you deserve.

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The reason I hold on now is because he still is with me, I dont know how I would be if he had left me.

You know we have traveled much of the same path in this. We are a lot alike and the relationship issues were almost the same.

We deserve better. Neither of us deserved the abuse or the mind games.

You are a kind woman. I understand the pain you are feeling right now and have shared the thoughts you are feeling.. but it will get better. Just keep talking or do something to ease through this time right now.

I am where you are in some ways. You know what after I was hurt enough.. my love faded. Took me 2 years of going through her using me to realize she was no good. Think about it. How much have you done, and how has he returned your love? Do you really want this for your life?

Right now do anything you can to feel better. I know what you are feeling and would be glad to talk if you need me.

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I just saw your post to me here now,random, thank you again, thats kind of you. I know he hasnt done anything to deserve me, not easy when distance of course, but he didnt do much when I was there either, he seemed to only be busy being around in the family house, watching tv in evening or otherwise be lazy ( in the sense not wanting to be close to me at least) . Sometimes we did go to the roof and sat down, that was very nice I remember. But I wanted him to talk more with me and be close like couples do when they first meet, I looked at him trying to get some eye contact, but he just briefly looked at me like he was anxious or I dont know, just simply not there with me. Kept himself on distance even his body language show he was "open" to me. Like I could easily have thrown myself over him lol, but then I bet I would scare the crap out of him and he`d have gotten angry and think I`m crazy. Couldnt do that with a virgin. Even he was there he was so detached and distant. I remember I thought why is he like that. It was difficult for me because I wanted us to connect for I went home, not strange when you know you will not see him again in over a year. So it was disappointing.

Now he comes with this on top of it all.

I try to do something to distance myself from this. It also help to read that book as it helps me to understand its not something wrong with me, but that he may be one of these angry and controlling me. Because his behavior is far from good.

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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