Livingdisaster Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 I was sexually abused when i was a little girl by my uncle, now over the years at age 18 i finally told somebody. I haven't forgotten that same day and i always remember it but is it possible to still have the effects today..... men to me scare me i always feel uncomfortable even when i'm sitting just near them i feel anxious.... im not gay. I mean i still feel an attraction towards guys just the older men they just make me react in away that i can't breath can't concentrate i feel on the edge...... & im wondering if the feeling will go away??? but now im taking this psychology class, which may have been a mistake, because the class references rape, child molesters a lot and when they do. ...well i can hardly stand sitting in my seat....anyway i was just wondering if one day this will just stop & i wont have to be haunted by this ever again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tash28 Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Hi I was raped and have been wondering the same questions. I cant stand to be around men as it makes me very anxious. When I shared a house with a friend I use to have to lock my bedroom door and put my bed up against the door to ensure no one could get to me while I was in my room. It made me scared of everything. Someone would knock on the door and it would scare me and I would hide or sit on the floor in tears. Im not sure if I could carry on feeling like this for 20 years so you are very brave and strong. I wish I had some answers to share with you. Im so sorry for your pain and suffering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindamomof7 Posted February 26, 2011 Report Share Posted February 26, 2011 ....................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted February 26, 2011 Report Share Posted February 26, 2011 I am sorry that you are going through this. I think that Linda is right. We cant get rid of the memories... they are a part of who we are. However, being aware of the triggers and having strategies that you can rely on to help when are you are triggered can keep you safe. I hope that you find peace... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Livingdisaster Posted March 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 I wanted to thank u guys for replying....... im sorry but im in an awful moodToday well my mom asked me if i was sure it happend? What the hell. I just....can't believe she'll think i would lie about something like this... i feel like she took HIS side. This just made me feel like dirt again and it triggerd me to cut again a bit deeper and damn it. I feel like i want to cry yet i feel repulsed and angry. In the end im just one messd up kid. I thought shed be here for me but i was wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 I am very sorry that your mother reacted that way. I know the fear I feel that others wouldnt believe me. It has given me some comfort to have a therapist who I can tell my story to and be listened to and believed. Do you have or would you be willing to seek therapy. I just wanted to say that I believe you and I am sorry that your uncle did this to you. Please be safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 It sounds as though your mother is in denial, LD. I'm sorry she was not supportive. This is something that you need right now It's okay to express your feelings. I'm sorry you are feeling sad. You could try telling your mother that her words hurt and that you need her right now. Do you think she would be receptive to this? I'm sorry this happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Livingdisaster Posted March 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Therapy......i don't know, if people find out they'll just think im crazy. But i guess i can give it a try. My mom, i don't get her, i did tell her that she was suppose to b there for me but she keeps saying, it couldn't have happend. But i know that it did. .she doesn't want me to tell any one she said it had to be kept a secret. I don't know, everytime i try to tell someone i somehow end up being shut upd. , and i'll never escape this night mare life is a living he'll i need to find hope again........but i don't think i can reach it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantGiveItAway Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Im sorry your mom reacted the way she did, it might be really hard for her to process these things and finding it hard to cope initiaully, so shes putting up a wall not that she doesnt really believe you but that she doesnt want to believe it and because it was family member she doesnt want to accept it at first. But I think maybe her reaction had more to do with how shes handling it not because shes was trying to hurt you. You didnt deserve this or bring her reaction on and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 Im sorry your mom reacted the way she did, it might be really hard for her to process these things and finding it hard to cope initiaully, so shes putting up a wall not that she doesnt really believe you but that she doesnt want to believe it and because it was family member she doesnt want to accept it at first. But I think maybe her reaction had more to do with how shes handling it not because shes was trying to hurt you. You didnt deserve this or bring her reaction on and you have nothing to be ashamed of.Hi, LD,I agree with others, particularly with this opinion (quoted). It's a very sad fact that many people (/the majority?) can't cope/deal with this kind of "information". That's one of the reasons why therapists are so needed and important. I'm happy to see that you are prone to give therapy a try. I'd like to encourage you in it. I remember how hard it was for me to make this decision. But it was one of the best decisions in my life. I supposed I wouldn't tell anybody about it as I would feel ashamed and not understood, but after few months of therapy, I began to tell some of my friends about it and their reactions encouraged me to tell others... (There are still only several people who know, but... it's not something that "everybody has to know", so... You also can choose whom to tell and whom not.)I hope you'll overcome your fears and find a good therapist. It doesn't have to be necessarily a long therapy (I don't know). But the fact that someone listens to your problems, is interested in your feelings, ... and wants to help you to overcome the trauma, is... well... you're worth that all and it's worth the effort to overcome the fears (of "others will think I'm crazy" etc.) Good luck!L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Livingdisaster Posted March 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2011 So finally word got out. My family told him. He knows and he wants to talkto me and my mom. I can't and wont. He is in another country but he wants to talk to me and he sent me an email. ... can't check my email anymore without having a panic attack. Can't comfront him now that the memories are more vivid than ever. My nights are haunted now i can't seem to be at piece... i can't sleep. Can't relax i feel on the edge. ..but one thing. That is certain is that im alone on this. ... & mayb this is good that way otgers don't get hurt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 I'm sorry to hear that, LD... I don't think it was a good idea. He surely will deny everything - what else could he do? And then the others will not believe you and you'll feel worse than now ... How are you these days? Can you sleep better again? Do you still have those panic attacks? ... I'm sorry he did that to you and your family made you face this situation...Keep posting, even if we can't help, I hope you'll find here at least some comfort... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantGiveItAway Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 Is there any way you could be able to get one of your parents alone and try to tell them how this isnt how you wanted to handle this and tell them alittle more about how your feeling at this moment like how this did happen (not necessarily specifics) to you and that theres is no chance that youll see him and to make sure he never tries to contact you and that your not feeling very comfortable about talking openly with just anyone. It may be alittle less threatning if you feel more comfortable talking to just one of them instead of trying to bring it to both of them at the same time. Like if you could get one of them alone in a car and not having to look directly at them all the time might ease a little of the anxiety talking to them.I dont know why they would try to set you up with him without talking to you first, they may be worried about whether or not you want to press charges on him and that might be something to tell them if you can. If that means you want to or dont, or not sure, or not something you even want to think about right now. I dont know how theyll respond but they should be thinking of you first and should respect your boundaries and give you as much time as you need to make the decisions on how you want to handle this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SomethingOrOther Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 I would suggest you make it clear to your mother that you have no intention of meeting him or talking to him, since you don't feel that is good for you at the moment. That's not something open for discussion and it doesn't require an agreement, because it's your decision. And then you could write him an email telling him that you have no intention of meeting him or talking to him and that you don't wish to be contacted anymore. Keep it simple. Add him to the email spam filter.That way you make the rules and it is very clear if they are respected or not. You decide when and how you want to deal with this. And you decide how many people you ask for the support your family isn't capable of. S. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantGiveItAway Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 I think that is a great idea about the email blocker, you dont have to prove nothing to that guy, you could just keep it simple and send something short and then atleast not have to worry about him trying to reach you through that way.....And if your still worried and not to attached to it, you could make a different email address and not even tell your parents about it so they couldnt give it to him if it wouldnt cause to much problems for you to change it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Livingdisaster Posted March 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 Never imagined these many replies. And i want to thank each one of you for responding to this post... i might try out the idea of the email but i still can't manage opening my email yet without my heart breaking through my ribs. Its funny how i wish i wouldn't. Respond that way it makes me feel weak. As for my parents i really don't kno who to go to my mom would be my. Ideal guess but i can't its her brother and i don't think she wants to loose him or believe what he did to me and it hurtz me. .. but i understand it. Dad it'll just make things worse he's already protective enough and i don't want mom and dad fighting. .. i've gone back to sleeping but im stressd out...wish i could tell somebody wats going on but i already messd up once so im discourage into telling somebody else.... my grandparents r coming in a week . His parents are coming. And they kno about my secret. ..thiz freaks me out what am i going to do? Are they going to treat me the same? The situation is stressful but hopefully. I'll make it through. Thankz once again i seriously appreciate the support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I'mnothere Posted May 13, 2011 Report Share Posted May 13, 2011 This is a very common reaction. I also was sexually abused, and the smell of Old Spice cologne combined with the small of men and cigarettes, always makes me jumpy.It's terrible, but knowing what triggers you is a help in the long run. With work, you will eventually not be as jumpy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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