To all that responded to me

[sadgreeneyes]

I have read everyones post to me and thank you all very much for support and backing me up. I feel very sad and I dont know how I will go on if he leaves me. I have difficulties thinking clearly and be effective, so I apologize I dont respond so good to each one of you. My days are filled with pain he wanted to hurt me so much, I have anxiety for the pain that probably will come soon because I sent him two messages right now, they go like this :

U say you dont love me and that you dont feel much for me, I heard you say you can never be close to me. Then you must divorce me. I love you, but I cannot come to cam tomorrow, its too painful

Next txt did go like this : I will not cancel my trip. I will stay in Amman on holiday. I am sorry you couldnt love me. I loved you very much and I still do. But what can I do.

I was sure he would say he would divorce as this is what he said and then didnt say.

Now he send txt saying : The honest words I can say to you now I love you and you will come to cam tomorrow and we will talk about many things.

I continued saying but you say you dont feel for me and cant be close to me, what can I do, u say both I love you then you say you dont love me. I want love.

Then he say I am not saying I dont love you, I do love you but tomorrow we will talk ok baby.

I said ok but that I wanted kissing and passion.I want a life with love.

He wont let me go even after all the bad things he put me through. I dont know what to do. Now he say he loves me and now I get weak for him when he say this.

What he gonna say?? that he will be close to me anyway?? why he wants to put me through this pain, saying he wants divorce and now this.

He only use me for visa, I am sure. And he abuses me too.

[randomperson]

I am sorry you are hurting.. I know this type of pain and it leaves you numb inside because you can not be at peace either way. I hope you do not go through the same struggles I did. I wish you the best and happiness in whatever you decide.

Do you think anything has really changed with him?

[sadgreeneyes]

Thank you randomperson, I dont think he has change as he said he would try his best. Try your best? I responded, if you love me you dont need to try your best, if you love me then it will come automatic.

I thought his problem with intimacy was he was a virgin as this is what he said early on, and as I read virgins can have problems with this.

Now I rather think this is his character, as he wanted to order me to sexual stuff and said do this do that over cam ( I didnt of course), saying what I have to do when he came here, all sexual stuff and not genuine love.

So no, I dont think he will change, he is an abuser who use me for visa and at same time when he knows he can stay with me he wants to abuse me in every way he can, as he has done already, except being physically abusive.

Thank you for best wishes, I wonder how this gonna end.

[Jenna520]

He has so much control over you, yet you can't see it. Why do you worry about how he's going to feel? Why are his feelings top priority over your own. He's abusive, he's using you, and he's the puppet master pulling your strings, controlling every move you make and the decisions you make. Do this for me: I want you to sit down and make a pro vs. con list for me. List the benefits of staying with him, and the good things he can give you in the future, as well as the good things he makes you feel about yourself. Then list the benefits of NOT being with him, the bad things that you will experience in the future and the bad thing's that you experience now such as that horrible pain you feel on a daily basis. Then list the bad things he makes you feel about yourself. Then compare the good things against the bad things. I'm just sure that the bad things are going to outnumber the good things by far. This guy is just a scum bag, simply put. You DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER. You are going to have to change your way of thinking. Why think about his feelings when he hasn't thought of yours this whole time. He hasn't thought of your feelings not one time. He married you to use you. That's not love, that's a con man. What you are holding on to is not even real sweetie. This whole relationship between the two of you is a lie, its non existent. It takes two to make a relationship. There is you, so whos the other person? Him?! I think not!!! Don't let him sweet talk you and shmooz you into changing your mind. This guy doesn't have the ability to feel or to be hurt. He's freakin' evil. He can say anything but he doesn't mean any of the good stuff. That's part of being a con man. Tell him to take a hike, jump off a cliff, pull his upper lip over his head and swallow, etc! GRRRRRRRRRR. Stop letting him toy with your emotions. If you don't put an end to it right now, he might quite possibly be the death of you. If someone makes you feel suicidal, you don't need to be with them! You have such a low self esteem that you don't see your self worth. You don't see your inner or outer beauty. You are blinded by his lies. Once he knows he's lost you, he's not going to grieve, he's going to move on to his next victim. Take a stand for yourself and stop the insanity!:eek:

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi Jenna,

what is a pro vs con list? I know what a con is. My english isnt my first language, so I dont understand the pro meaning?

I know his words are meaningless, I dont know how to cut him out right now, but I try. I know I deserve better. I feel I dont care what happens if he stay with me, I didnt want a man in the first place as I was coming from abuse plus I have ptsd, my husband came into my life and now the situation is like this, I know he cant love anybody, he sure doesnt love me as he wanted to leave me.

Sometimes I`m thinking I cant deal with this anymore, so I think just let him use me, abuse me, leave me whatever, and when he does I just have to take the pain and see him for what he is, what I already see.

I am maybe blinded, I´m attracted to him and have feelings. Shouldnt even have feelings for him after this, but they are there.

I tried to be strong and leave him, make him say ok, I´ll divorce, but now he doesnt let me go and its all because I said I had the money.

[Jenna520]

A pro vs con list is a list of pros which means good things and cons which means bad things all about him and your marriage. Who cares if he doesn't want to let go, its not his choice. he doesn't want to let go because hes getting your money. you can do whatever you want. you can have feelings for someone but that doesn't mean you have to be with them. In this case it's better to walk away from him.He may say he hurts but he's lying honey just to get you to stay so he can use you and your money. abusing you and controlling you is the only way he can feel like a man. He knows what he is and so do you. There is this saying that I lived by on my past relationship. If you love someone, you love them enough to let them go. If he loves you he would let you go because you have told him he is hurting you and causing you pain. If he loved you he would want you to be happy no matter what, even if it wasn't with him. There are so many things that is wrong with the way you accept this relationship and they way you think of yourself. Until you end the marriage and stop his control over you, you will never find happiness. Life is too short to waste it in pain that you could avoid if you just put him out of your life.

[sadgreeneyes]

Thanks Jenna, for explaining, I will put up a list, I am sure too the bad will be much more than the good, at least after how he has treated me the last 4 days.

Before he treated me ok/nice, and said nice things. He seemed to be quite normal. Well, not quite either when I think about the time I spent down there with him, thought he acted like that because he was virgin.

He has known from the beginning I dont have money for him, he has knows from the time we applied for the visa that I couldnt give him money, he said he didnt want anything from me and that he was sure he will find work soon here and that he would do his best and he could take any work.

He still knows I dont have any money for him. It was only about my income to get him here to stay together he cared about. But still, this isnt an excuse I make for him, he has treated me bad. But he do know I dont have money at all, he do know I am nearly poor, have credit debts and still he wants to continue.

I will tell him tomorrow, once again, that he has to have own money here.

I do try to leave but its so hard for me, if he only could walk away himself, which I tried make him do tonight. I know I shouldnt care about his feelings as he hasnt cared about mine, the sad fact is that I´m not a person who is able to leave someone I love/feel for even they treat me bad. I come from childhood abuse and emotionally neglect. I was alone all my childhood.

I fear abandonment. I am filled with guilt if I "think" I hurt someone even I know they treat me not right or bad. I am slowly sliding into his reality doubting myself. Try to see clear and be an adult seeing the reality for what it is, but I am still one of the adult children.

I just hope and pray things turn out someway, I am a believer too, but I have prayed so many times to God to send me a good man and if he doesnt exist then please dont send him. I got sent 2 abusers, now one of them is my husband. I still believe.

I have not much energy right now, its hard for me to do the divorce now when I still feel for him, I am hoping that my pain will slowly disappear,I am scared they wont if he gonna continue this. But right now I am not able to leave, myself.

[sadgreeneyes]

I find it weird too, when he wanted to divorce he was able to say some very nice things about me, saying it wasnt anything with me, that I was a good person and that he did like me and all this and that any man would be honorable to have a wife like me and that I desrved to be happy and have the love and affection I deserved.

How can a con artist use such words, and his words were said with compassion, I am good at spotting fake words. I could hear it was said genuine.

On the other side when he say he misses me and loves me I am not so sure. Well, a time ago he really was enthusiastic me coming down and he thought he heard me say I miss "him" when I said I miss Jordan,

He responded extremely enthusiastic "I miss you too" like his heart expanded with joy.I was so surprised and happy because it felt so genuine.

I am very confused. He changed totally when he thought we didnt have a chance ever to stay together. At same time said all the hurtful things, suddenly he change when we have chance anyway.

[sadgreeneyes]

I think my husband rather is a narcissist than a con artist. Can someone be both I dont know.

[Jenna520]

Okay, lets see...... why is your husband away and where is he? I don't understand the culture and the things that are unacceptable and acceptable there. Maybe that's why I don't understand why you feel so much for an abuser. If he used you for a visa, where was he from and where are you from? If any of this is too personal, I apologize. I'm just trying to understand this better. Either way, I just can't stand to see you hurt. I can't stand to see anyone hurt at the hands of another. It's just not fair. Times like this makes me so thankful for my husband. I fuss because he leaves the toilet seat up or doesn't take his coffee cup back in the kitchen and put it in the sink, but I couldn't be any more fortunate. I can't imagine him ever emotionally or mentally abusing me. It would be hard. I can't place myself in your shoes.

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi Jenna,

he is in middle east waiting for visa to come stay in my country, I think he might use me for visa, but after talking with him tonight I feel maybe he´s not.

Many things came to the surface. We talked about things that happened down there,which I know I am much to blame for, I talked about my past too much, said things that I really shouldnt say to him at all, my struggles, most of all I distrusted him from day one down there and it continued several days. Talking he might use me for visa and that he would remarry his ex or marry a cousin. And when I felt rejected as he was a virgin I know it wasnt easy for him psychologically to perform when I said that and this. I said I made a mistake, which I did. This isnt an excuse, I reallly did nag and say much down there because I was scared and it was difficult for him to perform when I had said all those things. He has said now that no one can have a marriage without kissing, love and affection and that he would have this with me, he wanted this too, he found me sexually attractive and beautiful, said once again that any man would be honorable to have a wife like me, that I was a good person and deserved to be happy, he thought we wouldnt be happy. Said he want the same as me, but that I had to give him little patient and things will come naturally.

He changed his mind because I was crying, not because of pity for me, but because I had said I would make him happy. I´ve been very difficult person as I´ve mistrusted him very much. I have also had panic reactions blaming him before actually knowing the answer to things. I know I have been at fault.

I said I would come see him, he refused first, strange, but I was decided to go with or without him,so he agreed, said ok that he will want me to come too and we would start all over again new and things would be fine this time, both would do our best and make the other happy. He was also scared I would see him in the same light ( the performing stuff) and what would I do then?? I know he meant he was afraid me leaving as I have said to him before I would leave then. I said I would be little more patient with him. So he said he do want me, saying do you think I would marry an ugly women, that a man will marry a ugly women??? I said no but that I thought the reason had to be he didnt like me, but that wasnt true. I believe him in this because as I mentioned before he did things that show he liked me, I think he had performance problems. He found online for me a sentence, telling that the psychological state plays a great role in sex, he was virgin and I talked a lot of distrust down there. I made a mistake.

I said to him I dont have money for him here, he said again I shouldnt worry and that he would do his best. He said as long as we could be happy together, as we have only one life, we would always stay together, but he said we must be happy. I know I havent made him happy the last 2 months, but so hasnt he to me. He say he has to make me happy too and that he will.

Only thing I reacted on was he doensnt want children with me, not with anyone so wasnt about me, said again do you want to think about it two days, then you can give me answer, this was the same thing he said about the affection, I would have two days to answer. Suddenly said my age wasnt good either to have children. That did hurt me. I´m 38. He 35. Said he would use condom down there,but not here in my country as I will use the pill. Do you think he is scared he´ll make me pregnant while he´s still in his country? as he say he wants to wait till he comes here stop using condom? but all in all now I had to accept no kids if with him. I wonder if he will change or if he say this to test me am I out only for a child???? as I asked him many days ago my god do you think I will go behind your back and make you make me pregnant without you know, he said becasue that would be hoooorrrible without agreement, said women can do this. But now he say he doesnt want kids. Is it to test me or? maybe he mean it. Last year he said he would be soooo happy if I got pregnant, two months later he said we had to wait 1 year as the parents had told him we must wait, now he say he doesnt want kids and dont even like them??????

I dont know do I do a mistake, I just have to try see how things will turn out. Dont know is his words just to fool me, but they did seem sincere and serious.

[randomperson]

It seems like you are going on the same path I was and I know it is painful and confusing. Regardless what happens I wish you the best.

Ask yourself one question if things somehow someway goes perfect from here on, can you ever really totally trust him again?

[sadgreeneyes]

Thats a good question, I really dont know. If I can trust him again it has to come with time seeing how we are together. Its not possible to trust someone sitting and talking over the internet. He said we had to trust each other, and again he said " and listen to me, when you have something on your mind, you will tell me".

Its like he wants that because he will then know what actions to take concerning his selfish needs. I dont think he say it for "our own best", to solve things.

[randomperson]

That is the problem I ran into. Your right once that deep of level of trust has been broken over a long distance relationship it is hard to mend from far away.

I really never could. Kept telling myself lies to believe I could.. but I never totally trusted her again after the second break up. I think that hurt things.. it ate away even at our very friendship.

I am here if you need to talk things out. Faced many of the same questions you are facing. The main key is to guard your heart and be careful because he has shown some really bad traits that should have you very nervous.

Personally I should have listened to everyone's advice long ago, but I needed to see things through for my own peace of mind.

[sadgreeneyes]

Thank you random,

Its true what you say, when he has broken the trust in such a cruel way he did, with no warning wanting to divorce right out of the blue you can get scared your wits off. I am so anxious and feel sick by the thought of this situation, I have gone all day with anxiety knowing I will talk with him today, he has made me fear him very much, fear him that I will trigger something, say one word wrong, like yesterday I said honestly I dont know do I want kids or not, now I sit and fear will he blow out in the blue he´ll divorce again.

I said to my friend yesterday that if he does that then he must have something mentally with him because thats not normal. People dont change mood in a second. Right after he wanted divorce and said he didnt feel that much for me ( said that feelings would come later when we lived together), the next day when I said he´d had to divorce then then he wouldnt, saying he loved me again. Either you love someone or you dont.

I know its difficult developing feelings when its distance, but hey when someone marry you they dont marry for fun to see if there comes any feelings.

He said he made a mistake that we should gotten to know each other first, just as I told him before we married,but he refused, wanted to rush me to marry him.

I agree he has shown some very bad traits.

I got sent a book from a women, Why Does He Do That, about angry and controlling men, when I had read only 3 pages I could see my husband.

I am so nervous, I fear say something wrong that will turn his mind in seconds.

[randomperson]

Keep eating and sleeping normally. Please do not let this change those patterns as it will worsen how you feel.

Granted problems might link to each other in ways unique to him, but the fact that he was a virgin alone should not cause these issues. In fact for me it makes me want affection more because I feel so alone. Of course everyone is different but it shouldn't be an excuse regardless.

"I am so nervous, I fear say something wrong that will turn his mind in seconds." This is emotional abuse. I felt this way as well. I asked myself, what would change? Things only get worse with time unless both parties understand the problem and work on making things better.

I was constantly worried.. nervous.. it was making me feel worse.. like I wasn't good enough and doing things wrong.

I asked myself if I wanted this type of life?

Relationships are about the deepest bonds between people. To worry every second about everything you say is not good. I know how it feels because I was going through the same things... but you know what that is what this forum has showed me. Good people will accept you for who you are. You shouldn't have to worry what you say if he does truly love you.

[sadgreeneyes]

I feel just worse now, he said it wasnt good enough I didnt know did I want children or not, how could I not know, I had to know. I said several times I didnt know. So you´re gonna come to me one day and say you want kids?? I say to you I dont -want-kids ever. Ended it with threatening me saying : dont ever say to me you want kids! I felt so hurt and sad, I said that is a threat,are you threatening me? you are threatening me, he refused saying he wasnt, it wasnt a threat, and we finish this now,ok! I had to say yes or I would fear his words "divorce" would blow out again.

In between all this I said to him do you want me to lie to you??? shall I say no to you, I dont want kids or yes I want kids when I dont know. He said no I shouldnt lie. And even so I had to say no as he didnt accept a "I dont know", or I´d lose him. The strange thing is that he knew I didnt know, still he threatens me and ignore what I said. When I said couldnt he just divorce then if so was I didnt know, he totally ignore me and decided to manipulate me to agree with him. What could I do if I dont know would mean I lose him.

So he continue with me on the basic he has manipulated me. I dont get it. And then threatens me. What will he do if I come one day anyway and say I want kids,beat me? should I say I want divorce instead???? and then he´d beat me? so I had to agree.

I sat there quiet thinking mixing thoughts, I should leave him, I cant leave him, I care about him,I despise him, what shall I do, play along, asking myself do I want this, guess I just have to,not able to leave him now, while he sat there saying "talk" like nothing have happened. Talk ,he said because he was little tired after work so was difficult for him thinking what to talk. He has said this many times before, and thats ok, I have had difficulties too several times but the way he said it now felt differently. Its very difficult after being hurt so much to just should talk like before. He has control over me and I feel just bad. I even sat there with no thoughts really either, my mind was just in a fog.

He is so selfish and yes this is emotional abuse. I told him actually how scared I was saying "my words" over cam, how he makes me fear him, tried to explain how afraid he made me, because he commented my many messages last night, saying I should wait till we got to cam, said I was scared talking over cam my thoughts when he changed his mind in seconds, never knowing what next to happen, told him thats why I have to txt him instead, he said no I didnt have to be scared, I could talk over cam. I just said yes,but the damage is already done, I fear him. I fear to say wrong.

I said to him he always gets angry or annoyed, he said he wasnt angry and that this was the way he talked. He sat there smoking, squint at me with with those eyes while blowing the smoke up in the room, I didnt recognize my husband anymore. I dont. Before he was sweet and nice and caring, now his attitude has totally changed. I see a selfish, manipulative man who blackmails me and abuses me. He smoked much more than before. He smoked and looked at me most of the time with an air of him feeling he had power over me. And when his friends or whoever they were went by in the internet cafe he smiled to them friendly saying something fun, like a totally other person, while he just had been abusing me.

I said I wasnt eating has he asked what I had eaten today, he did though say I must eat and get vitamins.

Isnt it weird he cares about that but not how I feel. His abusive behavior is exactly why I dont eat.

I feel so trapped into a loveless marriage, he is another person,not the person I married, then he was sweet, thinking of me, txt me, wanted the same as me. Now he is cold and cruel.

[randomperson]

At this spot I can't offer advice because I would roll over my own personal feelings and experiences into your own unique relationship and life.

Only neutral thing I can think of, maybe it would help to ask yourself what can he do to make things better and to rebuild the trust in your relationship and then see if he is willing to do it.

[sadgreeneyes]

I just dont know yet what that should be as he has taken so much away from me,but I was thinking though that if we started new and rebuilded our marriage, to trust each other, that maybe with time, after being happy for a long time, that maybe he would change his mind. Its just that he has abused me so we all know that an abuser doesnt change. And if he had in mind he might change his opinion one day he wouldnt have been so cruel and abused me. He wouldnt have threatened me. The problem isnt about me or me and him, the problem is he is an abuser. I doubt he`ll change, they usually dont.

I am very scared he´s out for the visa too. I think this is why he doesnt want kids with me, as it means he will divorce me when he gets permanent stay. I am the one who lose. He is the one who wins. He is scared I will come and say I want kids, not because he´s afraid of losing me out of love, not because he loves me, no, he is afraid I will come and say I want kids within the first 2 years as planned, as this will mean problems to him with the permanent stay, if I divorce within two years he´ll get problems.

So he threatens me now, threatens me to NEVER ask simply because he has no plan staying with me.

Why wouldnt he want kids, he has said before he like kids, said they bring life and joy. Talked about kids names together. Planning to wait one year. Now he doesnt like kids and never wants them.

What I think is he is an abuser who have fooled me into marriage saying he wants kids (as most women wants that) just to slowly change his opinion over time until he was ready to abuse me and control me, so he can get visa and a free life without kids with me.

But you know, even I am with him, I doubt he is able to treat me good in the long run. If this is his truer character he´ll lose very fast.

[randomperson]

If you need to talk this out and get the pain and frustration out of your system we will listen. It is what I needed so badly to do and it helped.. a lot.

[sadgreeneyes]

Thanks random, you are very kind person.

I go every day wondering what to do, its so bad situation, he rushed me to marry him and I thought he was a good man and now I`m put in such a horrible place, that I have to chose losing him or live by his rules, and this on distance not even knowing is he out for visa, as he wanted divorce when he thought I didnt have the money to get him here to stay with me ever. He has said thought it wasnt because of the money, that the reason he changed his mind was I said I would make him happy. This is BS as he said both, I know the main problem was the money as he said we would never have a chance as the UDI ( immigration office would say no). And he was real cruel and cold that day. On the other side I can in some way believe him when he said it was because I´ll make him happy as I have just read that if a victim of an abuser stands up for her rights too long or somehow arent agree with the abuser he will punish her by leaving her, its just another way to walk all over his victim. So when he heard I had the money to get him here, and also heard I´ll make him happy, this was enough for an abuser to want to continue. But he still punish me. I dont know if this kids thing is to punish me further. No matter what it is he is abusing me and controlling me. He is totally another person.

I sleep good but that is just after being awake way too many hours due to this depressing situation, I go all day with a sick hurt feeling, I am generally feeling sick, problems eating, I cry frequently after this shocking side of him, how he treat me, it hurts. But most of all it makes me feeling sick, I want to throw up when the situation reach me the most. I cant believe I still go down see him after what he has said to me, I find myself like its not reality what is happening. I still go down see him but know I will feel horrible being with him, I´m putting myself in a room with him when I feel like this.

I think some of my love has vanished for him, but still I cant let him go. I guess I still love him in some way and hope that things will change, hope that he can love me, want so much his love. Not able to give up on him before knowing. I guess I am fooling myself.

I am so anxious and I go with a hope that this horrible feeling will slowly vanish until I go down see him, so I wont be so anxious, but I know I will never be the same with him, I dont know what he should have done to make up for the hurt he has caused me. I am scared.

[randomperson]

Remember back to when we were first on here. I was where you are now.

My love was fading but still I didn't want to let go. I asked the exact same question.. Why? I share your experience even to the point of wanting one more visit.. hoping things would change if I got to see her again.

There was no easy answer for me. Was it me, her or both of us causing the problems.. I still don't know. But I did see things got worse with time and it was making me miserable. These underlying issues ate at me.. ate at us and eventually destroyed even our friendship.

If you want it to work you have to set goals, set boundaries and talk this out with him. Your marriage is just starting and you have some huge trust issues that you have to have healed. If you do not things will eventually only get worse.

I also need to see I am reading my past into your present which is wrong of me. Please always take what I say as my opinion and just that.

[sadgreeneyes]

I´m sorry you had to go through this the same what I´m going through now. I remember how you felt, the hopelessness and trying to figuring things out.

I am too scared to make any goals/rules with him, my wishes was what we had two months ago, wanting love and affection and agree to have a baby after a year together. Not that I need a baby but I wanted us to be a family, to give him a child, that we had something that bonded us forever. A love child. At least knowing that I had a loving husband who loved me, that was the most important thing for me. I dont ask for much as long as I have love. I dont know why he suddenly turns around being such a cruel man, because he changed not over time, he turned around in a second, out of the blue, thats why it was so shocking for me. When people have issues in a marriage they talk about it, trying to solve it, come to a conclusion, but my man he heard about the money and two 2 weeks later while things still were normal he suddenly out of the blue wants divorce and turned ice cold. Blaming me saying this isnt a game. Something I have never said or think. I think this shock he gave me was what has left me in this state. I got this book from a women, about controlling men and I think my husband is punishing me. Abusers changes opinions and mood in seconds, you never know what next to expect.

Its strange how we think the same, like you say you did think like I do now.

The way my husband has been have left me with headaches too. Its like you have been sitting days finishing a job, a deadline, and you are just so tired physically, you know that feeling? and the emotional hurt too. You can wonder how it will end.

I dont know how to set any goals with him, he doesnt want to meet me on the halfway and doesnt care my wishes about a family. And before I have tried to ask him what he likes/dislikes and stuff,but he has always said I dont have to know now, we will now when we live together, then you will see what I like and what I dont like. And he has said things before that shows he is an abuser, that I have to to that and this, and its not loving.

I can only wonder how he´s gonna be together with me.

[randomperson]

This is purely my opinion but I think you are in the same situation. Like you said you think like I think he acts like she acted.

I never could figure out how to make it work because simply put she wasn't really trying to make it work. She was going back and forth just like your husband is, making me always doubt, but she really didn't care how I felt or if she hurt me.

I just don't want to see you hurting like I was as long as I was.

I wish I knew what to say for goals and such to make things better.. but I never could figure it out myself. No matter what I did or hard I tried things kept getting worse. I think you remember.

Still lonely and wondering if I will ever find love but I am feeling a bit better now that I have her behind me. Time heals. That is the positive thing I have to offer.

[sadgreeneyes]

I understand the pain you have been through, like you say it always takes two to make a relationship work, and I know the feeling of loneliness, its a sad feeling, I feel too very much lonely, even I have this husband I feel lonely. Well, not strange we do feel lonely.

You deserve a good women because you are such a kind man. Dont give up. Usually we think that we will never find love again or we feel we are giving up, but usually when the worst pain is over and time goes by we start to be ourselves again and maybe we also get ready to find love again, even how hopeless it seems. I know I deserve a good man too, but it seems like I dont have any strength to leave this man. I guess he will leave me in the end.

I just read an article on livestrong.com, about emotionally abusive husbands, I wasnt very surprised what I read, but it made me very sure that this is describing my husbands hurtful behavior.

It said : You may feel timid or apprehensive when your partner is around, because you fear you’ll trigger his wrath. An emotionally abusive spouse may use threats of physical violence, statements that he’ll end the marriage or unpredictable, emotional outbursts to unsettle you, so you’ll be too afraid to assert yourself.

I think this is what my husband did at same time trying to actually leave me too, I dont know.

Thank you for having listening to me. I guess I just have to try think about myself now, before going down, trying to make my life as good as possible, pampering myself little, reading or doing something to take my thoughts away from all this. Or it will drain me totally.