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repulsion


nathan
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I became repulsed by my ex due to his manipulation, lies, verbal abuse, sense of entitlement, unkindness, unreasonableness, etc. Oh, and eventually he expected to live off me. Basically i lost complete respect for him. You can fake it for as long as you want, but if you have zero respect for them , it's game over. Move on!

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That must have been really frustrating.

Although what you said about respecting the person got me thinking. Becuase its not that I don't respect the person, for instance I have known the girl I was recently with for a long time. She is a good person.

since its not the personality that is the problem then I mean, what is left?

only really the physical act, the bodily sensations of sex, the kissing and the closeness no?

which makes me think that perhaps I am in fact repulsed by the physical act of sex on some level.

Which makes me question why then would I get off on porn (wathcing ppl physically have sex) but not when actually having sex in real life?

I think since as a male, who's sex life began ( and remained for a long time) with porn, and not in real life, porn became my home, my prefered choice when it comes to sex. Having sex with a women in real life seems detatched from my real sex life then. Thats kind of embarrasing. And unfortunate. Maybe not really true. Although I think I have read about this before.

Then again, maybe its becuase I have known her for a long time. I usually don't end up dating the same girl for very long for the same reason. She stops turning me on after while. I used to see call girls for awhile when I was about 17-19 years old. Maybe that messed me up.

Either way I think I'm going to blame porn.

Edited by nathan
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since its not the personality that is the problem then I mean, what is left?

only really the physical act, the bodily sensations of sex, the kissing and the closeness no?

which makes me think that perhaps I am in fact repulsed by the physical act of sex on some level.

that all makes sense, but "repulsed" is a pretty strong word. Perhaps you mean "not turned on"? The way she kisses, how creative she is, whether you are comfortable enough with her to talk about what turns each other on in bed, "chemistry" those would all be part of the physical aspect. Are you OK with all those things?

Which makes me question why then would I get off on porn (wathcing ppl physically have sex) but not when actually having sex in real life?

I think since as a male, who's sex life began ( and remained for a long time) with porn, and not in real life, porn became my home, my prefered choice when it comes to sex. Having sex with a women in real life seems detatched from my real sex life then. Thats kind of embarrasing. And unfortunate. Maybe not really true. Although I think I have read about this before.

. I think porn has this effect on people, and the more you watch it, the more you crave more intense versions - there was a blog on internet porn addiction somewhere on this site - you might find that helpful ( I think Allan wrote it). It would certainly make sense that porn is the culprit - which is probably a good thing, because if it's some deep seated psychological problem stemming from early childhood bonding problems, that would seem to me to be a far more difficult problem to solve.

Then again, maybe its becuase I have known her for a long time. I usually don't end up dating the same girl for very long for the same reason. She stops turning me on after while. I used to see call girls for awhile when I was about 17-19 years old. Maybe that messed me up.

It is hard to beat new and exciting. Also, probably a tall order for a regular woman to be as exciting as a pro. After all, it is a call girl's job to know exactly how to turn a guy on. And I would hazard a guess that they are willing to do what some women just aren't comfortable doing. Then, there's no doubt the excitement of doing something "bad". Maybe "role playing" with your girlfriend would help.

Anyway, those are just my thoughts, colored by things that I have read. I'm wondering why you chose to address this problem now. Is it because you are looking for a longer lasting, more meaningful relationship that doesn't get ruined by boredom in bed?

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  • 3 weeks later...

Maybe you just aren't attracted to your girlfriend anymore? This shit happens. Sometimes the novelty wears off, and what we're left with is a person that we might really like or even love, but to whom we aren't attracted.

I don't think it's a "porn addiction," unless you're like a legit sex fiend. The only stuff I've seen on that has been, like, religious blogs and think tank "studies" that aren't peer reviewed. I'd look at the relationship first, if I were you.

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