Who would leave you because of this?

[sadgreeneyes]

Well, I txt my husband again saying he just had to divorce me then as he doesnt want kids anymore as planned, we agree we would have kids after one year,now he doesnt want that anymore, he said this yesterday, I wasnt able to say my opinon, he hurt me by saying I was 38, not good for having a child. He married me,hurt me so much and at same time breaking our promise to create a happy family as we planned. Wants to be married but no kids as planned.

What newly wed husband leaves his wife because of this? he is the one breaking our future plans, saying he´ll divorce me if I want kids in future, saying he loves me but will leave me. Well, he hasnt literally said he´ll leave me if I want kids,but he does the same as with the affection thing. Well, in a way he has, he say I have to chose, make this decision: have a marriage without affection and kissing or divorce. When I said he just had to divorce then if he couldnt show this affection, then he changed saying he wants affection and love and all with me. Now he say the same about the kids, I have to make a decision,so I did. I am now waiting for his response he´ll say he´ll leave me.

Why would someone leave his wife because of this? It breaks my heart. I could never do this to someone I loved. To him.

So I said he just had to divorce me then. What can I do.

I said it broke my heart, that I thought that be would be a happy family after a couple of years as planned. I said I would give my life for him. Said I would do everything for him. Said love has no limit. If you truly love someone love has no limit.

[sadgreeneyes]

Well, its not that kids are so important to me, I dont need kids to be happy with my husband. I guess I am just still scared he´ll use me for visa and then leave me, even he has said he´ll not leave me.

So now I txt him saying I dont need kids as long as I have him in my life.

I think I am very scared because my mind is not stable. My thoughts are spinning.

[Jenna520]

Sounds to me like you are molding what you want into what he wants. You're dropping your needs and your wants just to give him what he wants. Let me tell you something. A child is there to love you no matter what. There is no greater joy than holding a child that is a part of you and seeing their tiny hands, their tiny toes, their eyes looking up at you with love, and watching them grow. Nothing warms my heart more than to hear my babies say they love me. Your children do not hurt you. You are willing to give up motherhood just to stay with someone who changes his mind on a daily basis on whether or not he wants to be with you or whether he loves you. It's not worth it. Marriage is about having children, showing affection to one another, trust, communication, and many other things. If a marriage lacks just one of these things, it will not work. Why change what you had in mind for a future for someone elses vision of a future. You know, I almost did that once, I almost married someone 14 years older than me who couldn't have kids. Even though having children was something I wanted, something I needed.... I was going to marry him because I loved him. But then I didn't and guess what. I have a nine month old baby boy who just learned to say mommy and everytime I look at him I think of what a mistake it would have been had I married that guy and never had another child. Put your needs and your wants first, because they are first priority. You let him change you too much so that he will accept you. You shouldn't have to do that if he love you. Right?

[sadgreeneyes]

H Jenna, you know, my husband and me have no children from before and he said he would be happy if I got pregnant, he said this before we married, so I married him in the believe he wanted children. And he even said his parents had said we must wait 1 year first, so we agreed we would wait one year with having children. I think it is very unfair of my husband to suddenly break our agreement having a baby in future. And you know my situation is so different than most others as he is in middle east wanting visa. It seems to me he doesnt want a child with me suddenly and I can only speculate why he has changed his mind.

He should have told me this before marriage, not fool me into a marriage saying he wants kids and now say he will divorce me if I want children. I told him.

I just txt him 15 minutes ago saying the honest answer is I dont know do want children or not.

I have the right to have children and he has his right not to have of course, but that he comes now and say he´ll leave me if I want children that is so unfair.

If he is out for visa of course he doesnt want a baby with me, he would leave me and start family with another women.

Dont you think so too it was bad of him? I think it was very unfair to break a deal like this.

While I was drying my clothes, I stood there, thinking how unfair it was and thought I am tired of pleasing a man and forget my own dreams, wishes and hopes. He said he wanted children and now he say he wont. That is just cruel that he leaves me in the middle, saying I have to choose to keep my husband or to lose him.

I could never do that to him.

I think he just have to divorce me if he doesnt want to meet me halfway. Why should I only meet his needs? and I bet he wont leave even I said I want kids as he probably want this visa. I just think it was incredible lousy of him to come threaten me with this now when we have agreed to wait. You know we even talked about names two months after we married, he wanted his boy name and I wanted my girl name.

If he really didnt want kids he should have told me before we married and not sit and chat with me about baby names and stuff. All this only shows he had changed his mind because of something I can only speculate in.

And you are right, marriage is about starting family, about all the things you mentioned. And now he wants to take away what we agreed upon, that is selfish and heartless.

[sadgreeneyes]

When I asked him would he send me good night and good morning messages again he suddenly said his old phone is damaged so had put sim card in new phone, showing me the knew phone a loooong time so I couldnt see his face, he sounded annoyed, saying he couldnt txt me anymore as the new phone ate his money when he sent messages, saying it was something wrong with it as he had asked a man in the company I guess, saying it was a virus or something...yeah I know phone can eat money, mine has done that too once or twice,but that he cannot send me any txt I find hurtful too, I guess it is to abuse me even more as he could txt me several messages when I said he´d just have to divorce then, he knew it was goodbye, then he txt. So he can txt bt he doesnt want as his phone eat his money suddenly.

He was annoyed saying its not a big deal, we would talk on cam and that I could be patient the days we didnt talk and only send him txt if it was something important or urgent. Saying he´snot leaving me just because he didnt txt.

He suddenly just say this, hasnt told me about why he nearly doesnt txt me anymore, I guess its all to make me feel alone.

He never did any of this in the beginning.

[Jenna520]

Maybe you should beleive him for a minute. He may actually be telling you the truth. If it's a pre-paid phone, two texts cost a dollar. even if hes not the one texting it still costs per text, so if you text him 20 times a day it's going to cost him 10.00. If its a phone where he gets a monthly bill, its gonna cost him 20 cents a text. He could be telling the truth. phones are expensive. and it sounds like you text him alot with insecurities. I know you are ready to be with him, and that you are growing restless with everything, but you really should just back off for a while. you are so afraid that he's going to hurt you that you end up hurting yourself by coming to negative conclusions. you have got to trust somebody at some point in your life or you are going to drive away everyone that could possibly love you with your negative attitude. It's depressing to be around someone negative. maybe he's tired of being given choices to make when he's trying his best to make things work. But yet it depresses him that no matter what he does, he can't seem to make you happy because you speak of divorce on a daily basis. I can understand the issue with having kids, and wanting to be affectionate with your husband, but a whole lot of it sounds like your fear of trust and being hurt. Your quite possibly causing yourself unnecessary pain.

[sadgreeneyes]

Yes, I cant do other than believe him when it comes to the phone. Anyway, he has said its cheap to send txt, that its the same cheap as before but still he couldnt. And you know, I have never sent him several messages more than once before this time, so its non sense he cant use a txt on me. I am sure its not a wave that is eating his money, but that it might go a little when he send one txt, but I think thats lousy of a husband, he will live free in my apartment till he get work and I pay to see him, to rent apartment for us down there and pay for the food and he cannot even send a lousy txt anymore plus refuses me to come see him. No wonder I am not happy with a attitude like his.

Its depressing, but will see how it goes, he makes me very very nervous and anxious. I have barely eaten the last week.