What's The Members Opinion??

[Jenna520]

Hey everyone. At the advice of sweet lindamomof7 I wanted to know everyone's veiw on a few certain things. First of all, my number one question, Is anxiety ever able to be controlled completely or am I doomed for rushing thoughts, going numb in lips, face, hands, rapid heart beats, dizziness, chestpains and all those lovely symptoms that go along with an anxiety disorder?

Number two: Is it possible for an drug addict to fully recover?

Number three: Is divorce the better option when verbal and emotional abuse starts, or do you think it can be worked out.

Number four: Is there something that triggers mental and emotional abuse in someone who has been an addict?

Number five: Would anyone mind sharing their story with me to help me with my situation? (I made the first post named "Just Trying to Cope?

Number six: What are the lasting affects of this type of abuse?

Number 7: What's the best approach to take when trying to help your spouse to understand what their words and actions are doing to you and does it even matter to them?

Once an addict always an addict??????

[randomperson]

I didn't even know you could do polls, pretty cool

I put not sure for a reason.. I know I know with me there is always some reason lol.

People can change.. but.. they have to want to change really bad and they have to have help of some type in most cases.

The cravings will always be in his life even if he does break it.

We all have addictions of some type, but we all can break it.

Does the temptation ever totally leave.. no.. but can we stop it, we do have control over our own lives. So an addict can change.. many have.. but they have to want to change with all their heart.. they normally have to have a reason to change.

I just read your other post. Maybe I can help some not sure.

Thing is I lived a version of the type of life your facing. Most of the questions are not easy and despite people's advice at the end of the day you will have to be happy with what you decide.

My step father was an addict.. to drugs.. to drinking.. to smoking.

My mom was much like you are, my father just died and she didn't want to leave my step father and thought she could change him. In the end did she? yes but it took over 25 years of intense off and on pain/abuse. Was it worth the price.. if you asked her to this day you would get a mixed reaction. She loved him and saved him in many ways, but his addictions and abuse and getting him to eventually move past it came at a huge price.

I am not shy and would be happy to talk about anything, or if there are questions I can help would be glad to offer my thoughts. Just here for your support.

[Lindamomof7]

................

[randomperson]

I realized my post likely didn't sound as I wanted it to sound. There is hope, there is always hope. Especially if you both have faith in your life. You have something you can both hold on to.

One phrase I love. The world works from the outside in. The Lord works from the inside out.

My childhood was rough so I apologize if that came through by mistake.

The emotional problems that came from it still lingers.

I did say one thing I still feel deep down. He has to want to change, if he does then he can. I have found over and over in my life from people I know you can't force anything on anyone even if it is the best thing for them.

[Jenna520]

Funny how over a hundred people have viewed this thread, yet only a few take the time to vote and reply. Addiction is a big problem plaguing the United States today. Why ignore it? Can one change their habits??????????........ Anything is possible through the glory of God.

Aren't we all here because we hope that we can change something about ourselves, better adapt to problems we have or situations we're in, or heal from a mental physical or emotional disease that has plagued our bodies? If we become members of this forum, we all have a issues of our own and we hope and believe that we can someday be free of whatever it is that caused us to come here in the first place. Addiction is a disease.... and yes one can change their ways. Who's to say they're not going to struggle from time to time, but doesn't it take us all time to heal? I really thought there would be more feedback on this thread, but then again I thought about my opinions on drug addicts just three years ago. Heck, I was engaged to a police officer, had been for three years, so ofcourse I thought they were a waste of space. To me, they could help their addiction if they wanted to. After all, they were the ones making the choice to put the drugs in their body. But my oh my how things change and opinions change. wow, call it divine intervention.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Jenna,

I will try to answer your questions both from the experience as a therapist but a someone who has dealt with this. My daughter was seriously addicted.

Yes, it is possible to fully recover from an addiction. That's not to say its easy but, with motivation and help its achievable. In my daughter's case, both in patient rehab and alcohol anonymous helped enormously. Others will dismiss aa as a cult but, at least in her case, its been vital.

No one is ever able to completely control anxiety and that would not even be a good thing because we need anxiety to protect us from danger. However, yes, it is possible to learn to keep it within reason and prevent it from getting out of control. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is excellent as is yoga, meditation and exercise.

In my opinion and experience as a therapist, it is much better to divorce someone who is emotionally and physically abusive. That fact that someone was an addict is no excuse and is not reason to act in those ways. Yes, under the influence people become violent. But, when no longer under the influence, their is no excuse, none.

Finally, when living with an abusive spouse its important to set strong limits as in, next time I'm out of here, or, you are out of here: divorce. People have dismal records with abusive behavior. I am tempted to say its useless to talk to him but, I guess, its worth giving it a try. Just one try, just one.

Hope this helps and please ask more and talk more to us about this.

Allan

[Jenna520]

Thank you for your reply Alan. There was a reason behind this little drama he had created which is why my butt didn't go to packing immediatly. He had went in for a jaw tooth extraction, that was supposed to be simple, but it turned out, the jaw tooth had actually grown to his wisdom tooth as well. So when they went to extract his tooth, they had to end up cutting his gum to get both out seeing as they were attached and a piece of his jaw bone came out as well. Then after that, where the hole was so big, the blood was not able to clot and heal so he ended up with a severe dry socket. And guess what the dentist did. Perscribed him a highly addictive narcotic three times, a weeks worth each time. That, I feel, was his problem. No matter what the circumstance, he just can't take any kind of narcotic because it transforms him. You can't stick a lolly pop in front of a baby's face and say here have one lick but thats all, but that child is going to have a fit. Addicts may have something like this occur, and yes be in pain. But there mind tells them they are in pain and they need that medicine longer than they actually need it to tolerate the pain. That was his problem. He didn't need three weeks worth. I tried to point out what he was doing, and that his addictive tendecies were messing with his judgement, but ofcourse that made me the bad guy. Finally I called him at work and told him he could either come home give me the meds and i would flush them while he kept his behavior in check, or he could stay with his parents out of state until he thought he could act like the husband and father he has always been. That rattled him, not at first, but after I declined to answer his calls or texts, he knew I was serious. I guess sometimes feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle and it is exhausting. His rehabilitation was a year long program, and yes it was successful, but I feel if I didn't play the warden roll here at home, and keep the money, and know his where abouts at all times, he would have dabbled here and there, like most addicts think they can get away with. But I don't put up with it. I count my med. every day, and he knows that I do. If one were to be uncounted for, he knows I would draw the line. I have done it. I kicked him out for a week and he had nowhere to go so he had to sleep in his car. I know that sounds cruel, And god knows I didn't want to do it, but he wasn't listening to my words, so maybe my actions would come through clearer. Needless to say, it worked. Addiction is a hard thing to deal with, both the person with the addiction, and the loved one who is trying to keep them healthy and clean even when they may not even be trying to dabble. It's emotionally and mentally exhausting at times, but I love my husband and I consider it well worth it, just like I'm sure your love for your daughter has at times made you put your foot down and come across as being unfair to her, even though you are doing it for her well being. They just don't realize it at the time. I'm sorry you've had to deal with a child suffering from addiction. But I'm so glad she received the help that she needed before it was too late. So many wait until its too late. Thank God, our loved ones didn't. God Bless you.

[Jenna520]

Since this post, I guess you could say I've experienced what it's like to be treated like an addict. I don't even know how to word it, or where to start. But here we go. I started a new pain medication a little over a month ago. I'm undergoing several tests, so far the only things that have showed up is a severe vitamin D defieciency, that led me to have to take 50,000 units of Vit. D a week for 12 weeks. It also showed up that I'm anemic, my bloodplatelets count fluctuate quite a bit, mostly in the low range. And a recent blood test for Epstein Barr Virus, or chronic mono, showed positive. Xrays show most of my discs in my neck and spine as degenerated and two bulging which are pinching nerves, all caused by degenerative arthritis. And then ofcourse I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. All these medical issues point to a couple of major health problems, one being Lupus, another being Multiple Sclerosis. But the symptoms mimic so many different possible diseases and syndromes. Any how, I've refused surgery at this point and time to fuse the bulging disc to a rod to pull it off the nerves to relieve the pain. I've refused because I have a nine month old son who I've had to be away from three separate occasions due to hospitalizations from complications of pregnancy and delivery, the first four months of his life. This messed with my anxiety so bad, my doctor had to put me on a substantially highter dosage of anxiety meds and antidepressants to help me to be able to cope. But now I'm down to my regular dosage, thank god, because I hate feeling like a zombie.

Anyway, my family doctor referred me to a specialist 50 miles away from home, who actually believed me when I said something wasn't right with my health, regardless of the fact I was young. ( For goodness sakes, my father has multiple sclerosis, which is highly heriditary!) Anyway, I signed consent forms, for the specialists to send medical reports to my family doctor. The specialists had put me on a new pain medicine, but I had been on a another medicine for pain by my family doctor. The specailist knew this, and had told me to take the new medicine of the morning, and two of the ones my family doctor had perscribed of the evening, as well as neurontin, a new med she put me on, but turns out I didn't tolerate well so I quit taking.

I went to pharmacy, and had been getting my medicines filled there for three years. They called my family doctor, spoke to a nurse who had not pulled my file or spoke to my physician, the nurse said to cancel my prescriptions if I was getting meds from another doctor, and to beat it all, my pharmacy made the assumption I had been "dr shopping" and reported it to my family doctor, before even asking me. There were three people behind me out of the 9 in line that I knew from church. The pharmacy made no effort to hide their words. I was humiliated, came home, called the corporate office, made complaint, had the specialist call all of these places to clarify what I was saying was correct, and two days later, the corporate office called and said to go pick up my meds free of charge. But I have not recieved one apology, and god only knows what those people I knew that heard what the pharmacist had said to me, who knows what they are saying behind closed doors. I'm so embarrassed, but I guess you could say I've experienced what a recovering addict may experience even if it's not true. Society is so quick to judge. It bothers me relentlessly at this point, and i'm beyond angry, but I'm just trying to hold my tongue and pray it out. Any advice from people on how to keep my depression and anxiety from eating me alive because of a stupid mistake???

And might I add, I'm glad pharmacy's keep an eye on things like that for people who do abuse prescription drugs, but I do believe their system could use a bit of work as to not offend an innocent customer and lose business.