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changing patterns

Guest SomethingOrOther

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It is good to here from you. Glad you wrote.

I am 32 myself and alone. It is hard.

I know what you mean about connecting to people you might be interested in being difficult. I chat about it all the time :)

Athena and others have been encouraging me. I am so grateful.

Learning to take more risks and hurt less with the rejection is two goals I am working on. All it takes is one yes with a good person. I keep saying that to myself.

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Something that helped simplify things for me was a combination of what everyone was saying.

When people reject you it is a good thing because it means that you wouldn't fit into their lives, and if you tried they would make you miserable.

At first that wasn't logical to me. Then I looked back at the people that rejected me.. at the time the rejection blinded me to who they were. I was interested in them and just saw the good points. But over and over looking back it was good they rejected me. For the most part the women that did was simply jerks or .. worse lol. And who would want that in a relationship? The few that wasn't mean or 'less than desirable' people really didn't hurt me anyway the way they said no.

The good people will look past all the confusion and accept you for who you are. Took so long for this to sink in. Really sink in.

So if I find someone good for me.. if I don't I already am blessed with great friends :)

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Im alittle late so forgive me if im a little scattered but I think its natural to feel alittle out of place when out alone places sometimes especially when traveling but I dont think the mountain guide person probably thought too much about it or saw you as "not happy"

Sometimes Ill be away from a computer too and think of something good to say or whatever and when I get here, I totally lose it and have no idea what I wanted to say but if I can, I try to write it down where Im at, just as a little note if I thought it was important and that sometimes was good.

With regards to your work, is it that you want to be more of a mother and a wife or just a girlfriend to someone......or is it that your alittle hesitant to put yourself out there, but if you dont mind me asking, why do you think you would automaticly fail if you tried something on your own?

That man you saw(or thought you saw) I think was just a symbol to you of certain things youre unhappy about not that he still had a big affect on you but I think you know that. Sorry I wanted to say alittle more but im having trouble typing and now I have a headache too:rolleyes:

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I keep thinking about it, but I think it would "really" not be a good idea to go. I don't think they believe I would come and they planned without me, wisely.
Trust me I know from too much personal experience. If they didn't want you to come you wouldn't be invited.

I hate to say it but people just do not care if they hurt others this day in time. The up side to it like I said you are liked :)

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Often I dream of living in the UK. Grass is always greener theory I guess :)

For me in life there are givers and takers. Givers make life pleasant.. everyone here to me is givers. Takers tend to be abusers, gossips, cheaters.. people that are all me me me. It is the "what have you done for me today" philosophy for them.

As long as a person is a giver they normally don't bother me. Takers get under my skin more than I should let them. Something I have to work on.

Don't be so rough on yourself. If life throws you a break enjoy the break :) Better than the alternative :)

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Hi Something,

I'm dropping here really late, but your thread title intrigued me, "Changing patterns". Yes, that is the key, isn't it? Now that I think about it, almost everything I read relates to me trying to change patterns: "The Brain that Changes itself", "Discover the giant within", "What Happy Women know", "Chicken Soup for the Soul", Attachment Theory. At least the more I read on it, the more fine tuned I get to it. I was brainstorming "pattern interrupts" with my kids the other day, to stop me from completely losing it when they push my buttons. Basically we came up with funny words to say the same thing like, I'm not going to take this "humping terd" from you anymore. (yes, perhaps still not so appropriate for young kids to hear but I think better than "f---ing cr-p"). I think it will simply be a lot harder to blow my top using silly words. Then I saw the John Cleese thread in the lounge and got more ideas for anger management. Not to mention the pick me up from having a good laugh. Since I've had major depression since I was about 6, I cannot recall enough happy memories to overpower the bad. And triggers are everywhere. I think maybe I could make it a goal to simply recall 10 really funny things every day.

I so feel for you when you talk about being on holiday alone. I don't think I could do it again. I backpacked across Europe alone when I was 18. It almost drove me insane. By the time I got to my relatives in England at the end of my trip, I think they really thought I had a screw loose. If I'm not with somebody next time I go on holiday, I think I'll join a travel group - like a bunch of scuba enthusiasts on a dive trip, or a trip organized by my fitness club. Although they would not necessarily be "friends", I wouldn't feel so much like I stand out like a sore thumb. I'd love to take my kids to Galapagos or something like that but my back hurts just thinking about it. I have chronic pain as well (back/neck/shoulder) and it gets worse when I have to deal with no-win situations like my kids love to put me in. What keeps me going is my determination to be a calmer, more loving, more consistent mother - because I really think their extreme acting up is simply from not feeling emotionally safe right now because they worry about me not being there for them. (And now I'm beginning to understand what went wrong in my childhood). At the very least, I need to change this generational pattern, for my kids sake. So I guess you could say I am finally powerfully motivated to change.

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