There is hope

[smallnhappy]

Hi all. I was looking around the site and to much surprise found this forum. I read most of the past threads yesterday. Man, this is a depressing forum. I never realized that having a small penis would cause such severe depression and desperate isolation. I have one and my life has been fairly normal. The size of my penis is of little concern compared to many on this forum. I plan to be frank and my objective is not to cause upset, but rather try to give insight of my life experiences. Perhaps I can help some of you.

I am 59, been married for 20 something years and have a fantastic sex life with my wife. Since it seems that many of you are hung up on averages and statistics, I know the next question will be "well how big are you". I have honestly never measured my penis. Have no need or desire to. When flaccid it's length is about the width of 2 fingers. When hard it is bit longer as the width of my hand, I'd guess about 4", maybe 4 1/2" on a good day with a viagra. The girth is small. The term "pencil dick is appropriate.

For lack of a better word, I consider a small penis a minor disability. One that is very easy to overcome, if you are willing to make some life adjustments and use some common sense. Before I was married I had many women in my sexual life. None of them complained, ridiculed, or past rumors about the size of my penis. In fact most complimented that making love with me was the best ever and made return visits to my bed even after we parted ways. My #1 golden rule at that time was never ever go to bed with a woman until there was ultimate trust and friendship. My second rule was never to go to bed with bar whores on a one night stand who are playing the field. They are going to be the one's who ridicule and tell their friends. The third rule was to avoid women at work or in a circle of friends unless rule #1 applies. Rule 4 was to always try to part ways as friends.

I learned early that in order to compete with the big boys I had to work a lot harder to win the affections of women. Facts are facts gentlemen, women just want to have orgasms and many of them at a time. Sure some women just want to have their cervix slammed by a big penis, nothing can be done about that and if you try to compete for those girls your sunk. But there are many women out there that do not want that. I have had talks with several women who have said that many men with a large penis tend to make bad lovers. One said, " they tend to be clumsy and believe that there size will take care of the situation without any thoughts of gentleness or caring."

Within that statement is our "in" gentlemen. Foreplay,foreplay and more foreplay. This starts at the beginning of the evening. I don't mean grabbing her tits. Tell how nice she looks, give her a little kiss on the back of the neck, give her a sensuous back rub. Keep that up and just the thought of your little weiner will make her explode.

Now keep in mind your not going to strike it rich with all women. Because of our size it is imperative to find a gal who has a tight pussy. I went out with a gal in college which became a trusting friend. We got to the point in our relationship where we decided to make love. Well to put it mildly she was cavernous. There was no way either of us were going to enjoy sex together. We just laughed about it that night. She turned out to be a great friend all though college and would visit to have clit licked and give me a bj.

Fortunately my wife if nice and tight. Even though she has had 2 children, it did not stretch her out. The fact we ask her Gyno to place a couple extra sutures in her episiotomy might have helped that. When we met she had several lovers before me that had a large penis. Guess who won her. This little dick lover who worked extra hard to treat her like a lady and give her as many orgasms her heart desired. It works. We still have a great sex life. I think because we have so much fun doing it. She absolutely loves to receive oral sex, but has multiple vaginal orgasms even with my little member. Once again we need to work a little harder. Find that G spot that gets her off, find a position that hits it and you are home free. Funny but her favorite thing is for me to just put it in a couple of inches and pull it almost all the way out. Drives her nuts, kind of like a tease. See you don't need a gigantic penis to pleasure a woman. I must say at times I wish my penis was long enough to insert it while spooning or while she up against a wall. But that is just plain and simple is not going to happen. I have learned to accept that, it's no biggy. Play with different positions to make your penis seem larger. We even have a special set of triangular pillows that make all sorts of positions easier to increase the depth of insertion. One quick note if you are overweight, get skinny. That fat pad above and around your penis can rob you of inches. Ask me how I know.

Sorry for the long ramble. I hope I have convinced anyone that a shorty isn't the end world. Like I said earlier it's a minor disability that can can be handled with some smarts and life change. If going to gym makes you self conscious then don't go or go when it is not crowded. Better yet work out at home and avoid the situation all together. If you don't fill out a speedo don't wear one. Put on a set of trunks instead. Solutions to these problems are easy. Stop looking at the god damned porn that feature men will abnormally large members. It just make matters worse. Believe me your not going to do anything about your penis size for the rest of your life. Stroking, pumping, and hanging barbell weights on it will not help. It doesn't have to within the "average or larger" to pleasure a woman. By all means if you find a woman that enjoys sex with you hang on to her for dear life. Learn to live with what you were born with and enjoy life to the max. Thanks for listening.

[Fedup]

Thx, was a good read. How do you feel about straight up asking a woman how tight her vagina is? What about team sports like football? It's a game I want to get involved in but I am scared about getting changed and showered with everyone afterwards. I have been with a tight woman before. I know they exist. She had a child too.

[flander]

Now keep in mind your not going to strike it rich with all women. Because of our size it is imperative to find a gal who has a tight pussy.

If I win the lottery, there's a California surgeon that can install a penis implant to solve the problem too. I think I'd have better luck with that.

[samesame]

Its a grreat story, and I envy your attitude. I've slept with lots of women and you are right, our size has little to do with pleasing women.

When you were dating was there any times when you felt shame at showing the women your penis for the first time? Did you ever have to deal with your problem becomming common knowledge?

[smallnhappy]

Fedup, I think it would be totally rude to ask a woman that question. The strategy is to be an absolute gentleman and to treat her like a lady. I played football, wrestling, and lacrosse in high school. I never even thought about it as an issue and there never was one. I certainly was not going to let some unfounded fear stop me from playing sports. I don't think other straight men give a crap about some other guy's penis anyway.

Samesame, no I never did feel shame about my penis, there's nothing to ashamed about. I always had a trusting relationship with the ladies I took to bed and therefore felt comfortable that it would not be an issue. Not a one every had a problem with my penis and they always left totally satisfied. As to your second question. I never considered the size of my penis a problem. Perhaps an inconvenience but nothing more than that. No I don't think the size of my penis has ever become common knowledge. Even if it did I wouldn't give a rat's ass who knew. There sure isn't anything I can do about it an it doesn't make me any less of a man. Besides I only beded women with the integrity not to do such a childish thing.

[samesame]

I was practically set up to feel shame. born with an undescended testicle my early penis memories as a child was yearly visits to the surgeon, who at the age of 10 operated on it successfully. However it got around the school that they had cut my cock off, kids being kids, I got bullied. Then at 13, the girls came to school and I got debagged, and told I was small. I realise now they could not of known I was small just by looking at my un erect pre pubescent cock, but the name calling started again anyway. Then during my first sexual encounters at 16 and 17 the girls said I was small, this is when I measured and found I was actually small afterall. coincedence or what! Then at 23, I made the mistake of cheating on a girl, and in revenge she stood in the pub on a friday night and shouted at the top of her vioce "get it out, show everyone your maggott" Then I was outed further by another two women.

When I look back, I can see how any kid with those expeirences would feel that there was something wrong with a small penis. At school between the ages of 10 and 16, school was a daily hell. After I left school and up untill I dropped out of life, my size was always a target. Now alone its only me who beats myself up over it, which is the happiest Ive been in what has been a shit life.

After school and prison (long story) I decided that even though I was small I would be the best bird puller out of all my mates. It used to be me who would approach women first, and I would get the girls, but at this time everybody knew I was small and anything I did, or achieved was always followed up with "yeh but your small". I've had 25 years of men and women humiliating me over my size.

When I was active, I used the same tactics as yourself, dating women from outside my immediate social circle, being the best I could be, and always ending on goods terms, as well as screening out the obvious size queens. I have slept with roughly 50 women, most came back for more, I've had good animal sex, made women come, and been praised as a good lover and boyfriend, as far as I know only three of those have ever told others of my condition, and all who told were young girls under the age of 22. But thats all it took. To the younger guys here who have abstained from sex without even trying, I would say give it a go, size doesnt really matter from a sexual point of view, and most women (adults) wont say a thing. I've just been unlucky.

Funny how two small men can have such wildly different expierences. Im glad your life went well. Im angry my life went bad.

[Recluse]

I am different in that I have never even tried. I have just paid for sex on the rare occasions that I came into some money. I think as someone who is younger, at 27, my generation places even more of an emphasis on size. I am not saying that is wasn't an issue for the older guys in here but I think that based on porn and the media, most women in my age group or younger have more unrealistic expectations.

That being said, I have only been on 1 date my entire life and when it came to the sex, I was so terrified of my size that I couldn't function. I think based on not trying, I have even more working against me. Having had no experience with women, I am also at a further disadvantage. I also suffered some abuse at a younger age which I am not going to go into detail about but it is possible that influenced my behavior as well. Who knows and who cares at this point.

To the guys who are a bit younger than me, I would say that you should give it a try with women if size is stopping you. You don't want to be 27, never having a girlfriend with barely any experience. I am a recluse with no personal life and a negative attitude. It has affected my performance in work, life, etc. If you have time on your side, don't let it get to the point I have. I would rather look back on the past decade and have tried and failed rather than having never tried which is what I did. I thought I could just avoid the situation by fucking hookers. 1 student loans down the drain and I have had sex about 7 times in my life with hookers who just laid there. I am now in a position where I can't even afford to do that.

[flander]

at least your financial obligation with the hookers is over once the deed is done.

would you rather have a wife that just lies there so she can bleed you dry for years? Were the hookers polite enough to not make comments like 'are you in yet' or 'is that as deep as you can go'?

[Recluse]

Good point. The hookers didn't say shit about my size. I sure as hell would not want to go through a situation where a wife or girlfriend insulted me or tried to take my money. I would not handle that well.

I am just not sure if it is healthy to have not gone through the normal dating or relationship experiences that most go through.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

That being said, I have only been on 1 date my entire life and when it came to the sex, I was so terrified of my size that I couldn't function. I think based on not trying, I have even more working against me. Having had no experience with women, I am also at a further disadvantage. I also suffered some abuse at a younger age which I am not going to go into detail about but it is possible that influenced my behavior as well. Who knows and who cares at this point.

To the guys who are a bit younger than me, I would say that you should give it a try with women if size is stopping you. You don't want to be 27, never having a girlfriend with barely any experience. I am a recluse with no personal life and a negative attitude. It has affected my performance in work, life, etc. If you have time on your side, don't let it get to the point I have. I would rather look back on the past decade and have tried and failed rather than having never tried which is what I did. I thought I could just avoid the situation by fucking hookers. 1 student loans down the drain and I have had sex about 7 times in my life with hookers who just laid there. I am now in a position where I can't even afford to do that.

I can understand how anxieties can mess with your life, till you look back and see decades that have been wasted being scared and thinking about things that could happen, instead of actually experiencing anything. It’s a difficult situation to be in, because you might catch a glimpse of how your previous behaviour really didn’t get you anywhere you want to be, but the only way out is to "ignore" or challenge those anxieties. But of course you still have them, maybe more than ever, and it’s hard to try change. But 27 still isn’t so old that it doesn’t matter anymore how the rest of your life will be. You don’t have to talk about the abuse if you don’t want to. I guess that the experience you had with your first date also made you worry this is going to happen again? Did you get some understanding from her back then?

Take care,

S.

[Recluse]

In terms of the first date, When it came to the sex I just made some excuse. I did not let her see me flaccid at all. She was not understanding as there was no logical reason in her mind for me not to finish the job.

It might not be too late to change my situation but I no longer have time on my side. My situation is far more difficult than it would have been if I had started making changes 7 years ago when I was 20. I have a lot more working against me at this point in my life.

Either way, thanks for the kind words.

[flander]

changing at 27 is better than 47

[TANTALUS]

Recluse,

I'm just really curious why you believe 27 is too old to TRY? I am 41 and despite living semi-reclusively for 18mths-2 yrs now I am willing to give (apparently ALL that we have available) CBT a go. The way I see it, at this stage I've bugger all to lose! As I relate very much with what 'nessie' has previously written I am waiting for additional posts on his CBT. Perhaps there is hope of a life worth living? Again, why is 27 too old?

[Sherzade]

Smallnhappy and Tantalus, please allow me to make a parenthesis in this thread to congratulate you for your attitude towards the size of your penis. It means a lot to me and although i am a woman i have already learned from you. Thank you

[Guest ASchwartz]

What has happened to our discussion? This is a very serious issue and I am concerned that it seems to have stopped.

Allan

[samesame]

No one has any answers. The only cure is "get over it, accept your life cannot be what you want"

[IrmaJean]

If you define what you want as changing who you are, it's true that you can't do that. Maybe it would help to think about exactly what you do want? I asked you this before, but what do you need to help you feel better about this? You are aware that you can't change your body. What can you change? You have to challenge your thoughts, ND, or things will remain status quo.

[Recluse]

ND is right about the situation. If we are going to move on, we have to accept our situation and learn how to be ok with it. The challenge is going to be dealing with all of the other life issues we have as a result of our situation and many of us on here have little money or access to resources or help.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Maybe you can take a look at some self-help ressources. About CBT I think this one looks good: http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/cbt.htm . It's the first link in the sites self-help book (there's a link to that in the Recommended forum), but I can't tell if it really explains it well, because I've read two cbt self-help books already. It might not be easy to do on your own, but it could be worth trying.

S.

[khepri]

Yo, I have a friend with a small one, and he's been in like a million relationships and he's married and he's happy, and he's apparently a monster in bed. I've got a big dick, and I'm single and all of my relationships end in explosions and flames and me running out of the apartment with a suitcase in one hand and a drink in the other. Given our relative stamina, I'd say he's probably a better lay than I am, in all honesty. I mean, I'm good for like one or two goes, but then I gotta stop and have a cigarette or a sandwich or something. This guy goes at it like a goddamn rabbit, apparently. I've never seen him, and I don't particularly want to, but I've been friends with a few of his exes, so I get all of the horrible, disgusting details.

If you still can't get over it, you might want to think about embracing it. Sometimes I wish I had a smaller dick and that I was shorter. It sounds weird, but some people are into that! So I guess what I'm saying is that you don't have to think that a small dick is the end of the world. We live in a sick culture that would tell you it is, but who cares, fuck those guys. If you're straight, you could totally find, like, some kind of dominatrix or something and your sex life could be one huge, wild party. I love guys with small dicks, it's hot!

[flander]

it seemed like the original poster's solution would only work if one was talented in bed and slept with heaps of women until one that was tight enough was found. It seemed more like he was bragging than offering a realistic answer.

[malign]

Actually, I think you missed the original poster's main point, which was his rule #1 for sexual activity: "never ever go to bed with a woman until there was ultimate trust and friendship." The rest might be technique and luck, but having a solid connection to the woman that doesn't involve the genitals, first, may reduce the other risks enough to make the ones that remain worthwhile.

[flander]

no, that's a given with the various STDs in the population. His main point was still to screw around as much as possible while keeping that in mind.

[samesame]

No, I think his main point was that a small penis is not as important as we think it is. His sexual history and expeirence mirrors my own. Size has little to do mechanically in the act of sex, or whether a woman enjoys herself or not.

Each of us has our own demons with this thing, and yet again the only way through it is 1. ignore it and move on,2, try and move on,3, live as a recluse, 4 die.

As for the OP, I think this was a fiction, although his dating stratergys are the best system us smalls can adopt.

Irma: I can question myself all I want, but it makes no difference to what others will and do say. The whole argument is pointless, we can think what we want and it has no bearing on others. A small penis is a point of ridicule.

[flander]

No, I think his main point was that a small penis is not as important as we think it is. His sexual history and expeirence mirrors my own. Size has little to do mechanically in the act of sex, or whether a woman enjoys herself or not.

.

it certainly has been in my experience.

the only solution for me seems to be: HTFU, get used to the idea of being alone for the rest of my life.