sadgreeneyes Posted March 11, 2011 Report Share Posted March 11, 2011 Its not easy to break free from destructive patters concerning my relationships with abusers. I havent gotten any help yet and I struggle with deep issues from childhood and trauma.Its not my fault I have problems leaving an abuser as I do have feelings for him, its not that easy. Its not my fault I feel I hurt my husband if I leave. I feel hurt or sad when people who have been in similar situation as me tells me "but why are you married to someone you dont even know nearly" and so on. And "isnt it enough you know how he already acts".They have done the same, ending up with abusers and psychopaths. And still struggle, so why is it so easy to question others this "why" when they have done the same. I´m not the only one who has jumped into a relationship or marriage. Many have been swept in.Even I have tried many years thinking next time I wont end up with someone who abuses me, I have failed. But so has the others.You can not expect someone to change patterns without getting the necessary help first.I´m just sad that I cant be loved or find love. I feel so sad I have my struggles. I am a good person who have serious problems not hurting my man even he treats me like dirt. Where is my sad feelings coming from? when I feel I hurt my man who treats me like dirt? how is it I cant stand the pain I feel if I hurt my man even he treats me like dirt? I know if I didnt have any feelings for him I would not feel so sorry for him but I would still feel horrible and bad, but not to the extent I wouldnt leave him. So why it is so hard? why do I feel so much pain and guilt? why do I think he will be in such pain if I leave? why do I feel better I sacrifice myself so he would not be in pain?I am longing for to be treated with love and to be valued. The server who was down at runboard told people they would like to serve them some snacks and a cool drink while waiting, just reading that made me wish I was cared for by my man in a similar way, with love, some warmth and comfort and knowing it was ok to be cared for, I wasnt any person who gave any burden even I got served this cool drink. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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