How much am I going to take?!!

[sadgreeneyes]

Again my husband changed opinion saying he thought it wont work as I told him the process will take a year longer. I was boiling and spoke right from my liver!

Told him to make a decision or leave me alone! said ok think what you want, if you cant be patient with me then just go ahead and go if thats what you want!

He even asked could he get two days thinking it over because he was not patient!!! I said no, txt me tonight and say what you want, if you say you are patient I will never EVER hear how you talk to me again. And if he txt me saying he isnt patient then I said to him to leave me alone, its finish over!! Told him I cannot have husband who arent by my side and support me! I work my ass off and he change opinons like "uuuhh this gum doesnt taste good anymore so I have to spit it out!". I had enough, puuhhh! how much anxiety is he gonna throw me??

when we said goodnight, me very tense as I was still boiling, he said ok just one thing, if he said he wasnt patient I had to know it wasnt about me, but the case. my goodness, he marries me and say something like that, wow what great love!!!

How much am I going to take! does he really think I am happy to work with the case while he sit and say to me he wont make a decision!! my goodness, who does he think he is!!

And he said to me he knows another husband who married his wife, do you know where this husband is now??? I said no. He is with his wife! Like that was my fault they had more luck in the process??? get real!! I said he doesnt appreciate what I do, he said "should I appreciate our case is rejected!". Do you hear his responses, I didnt say that, I said he didnt appreciate what I did to make the case work, not that he should be happy the case was rejected!!! so he said yes he knew I did my best.

So I said make a decision!

So he txt me later on phone as I told him too, saying baby again and that we will talk online after tomorrow, didnt say anything about patient, but said no it wasnt he wanted divorce, but we had to talk about something. I said it better be good.

You know, what new bomb is he gonna throw? what now he wants to talk about when its not divorce. I told him if he think I cancel my trip again he can think twice because I do not. Is he gonna say he cannot let me visit again, wow then he really must be( whatever fits!)

I constantly have to walk with anxiety with him, what next, what he gonna throw out next, I have learned its never anything positive with him when he says we have to talk "about something", its always something on his premises, threats or whatever.

I am getting sick of this. I said to him do you think your father would talk like this to your mother or husbands talk like this to their wives??? he didnt answer, just looked at me.

I am so angry because I do the work and he plays with my life! I have limits too and they are starting to talk!

[randomperson]

I think you have to ask yourself this question.

Deep down you know the answer.

I can tell in your recent posts you know like I did it won't work not where you will both live a happy life together. Too much pain has passed too much trust broken. I only repeat what I am seeing you say and think deep down.

We are the same they are the same. Your mind is split like mine was and it is ripping you apart inside. You love and hate at the same time.

I know the thought of being alone tears you up inside as it does me.. I am struggling yes..

But the longer you let this go on the more damage it will do to you in the long run. Just be at peace with your final choice and have no regrets because you know your future.

We will one day find happiness. I do believe this. Have hope for your future. You are kind and gentle, caring and that is what most decent guys are looking for in life.

See that he is making you miserable and that you are already alone.

I tell you this because for the most part after I left her I have felt more at peace mentally with the exception of some ups and downs. The split mind is draining sooo draining. It keeps you from healing at all.

The final questions I asked. How can it work? Have I seen anything done for me to show she cared at all in this relationship?

Am I the only one trying really trying to make this work?

In the end I knew she hurt me to the point where I could never trust her enough to give her the space she needed to connect again even if she wanted to. The distance would only grow, the pain would only grow. She would just keep chipping away at my already low self esteem. The last month I should have left while there was some peace between us.. the end damage was brutal to my emotional growth.. that is the only reason I write this message hoping you will avoid my last mistakes.

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi random,

thank you for being here, you are right, I feel the same, he has given too much pain and the broken trust, I thought it might be a reaction from his side last time, after saying he honestly did love me again, now he throw same thing. Its no mistake from him at all as there were no arguing when he said it. He hasnt done anything to make me feel good, someone who loves you would make sure the other person felt good and loved and that things will be fine no matter what. I know that if he continue this I have had enough, like you say its draining you sooo much, my mind is split, just like your mind was, its not possible to make things good when one person act like this. You can start to wonder how their mind is working. Because its not normal.

Like you say decent men and woman they look for good people and at least they do not treat anybody like this.

I am not sure what he will throw out tomorrow, but if he gonna sit and give me more pain or devalue things, if he cannot say "anything" positive to make me feel better, I really dont know.

I have told him to make a decision, so what is it he means we have to talk about. Probably something that fits him and hurts me. But I dont know.

Its right, theres no relationship or marriage that work out when one person is alone doing the job.

Thank you for your kind words random. We deserve good people who treat us nice and with respect. I feel like you, about the mentality. Yesterday when I said he had to make decision I felt much better as I then could be free of this sick feeling and how exhausting it is, how he drag me down, how he make me feel about myself, I dont need anyone who wants to hurt me so much as he does. I never hear any kind, loving word, never how much he misses me or loves me, no happiness over my "hard try" to visit him and see him, so the process with our case would not feel so long and bad.

He is not with me, he seems to be occupied only with his selfish needs, care only about the case it seems like, doesnt care about "me" and the case".

I know I am miserable, I cannot grasp how someone can be treating someone like this, without any thinking how it affects the other. I just shake my head and utter a "heh!" from deep within. Its hard to grasp evil so cold.

[randomperson]

I wished that things would have took a different path for you than they did for me. I still wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't still try to drag things out.

My ex never did say goodbye it was me. She just did her same halfway pulling away though she would get more and more distant each time. "saying it is so hard to be even friends with you" ..Her last words.

Still rings in my mind and with all the other rejection I faced from other women I wonder if it is true if I did cause the problems..

That is the pain I could have avoided if I ended things while there was peace between us.

Regardless.. for what we been through, how I have been there for her even sent her money when she asked she should have tried harder and at least been open to listening. Like your guy should be. That is what clears my mind to help me see it wasn't just me like I am to believe from what she said. As you said the coldness of others when you are being open is hard to understand.

[sadgreeneyes]

I wouldnt be surprised either if he try drag things out, it seems to me this is what he will try to do, but I will stay firm, I have given him an ultimatum, if he dare come with hurtful things that devalues the marriage or me in any way again I am about to give up on the whole case. Do you want me to give up?? I asked him some days ago, he just looked at me quiet, every time I say something that speaks my mind he seem to be just looking at me, gets quiet or keep quiet because he knows I speak words that I have the right to speak.

I am just very tired trying to know his mind, its not possible if he continue this.

I told him how tired I was trying to make things work while he could sit and say all the things he said and say.

I know what you mean about the other person not saying goodbye, I had a kinda ex narcissist who kept going on giving the silent treatment in long periods and you never got any answer. Its just crazy. People who abuses others usually drag things out because they need to maintain NS ( narcissistic supply), using mind games. No matter what is wrong with a person, being an abuser or having other issues/problems/disorders, it is never acceptable to treat other people in this manner.

Its interesting that narcissists/psychopaths not only do not care how their behavior affects others, but many times they cannot even control how their actions are destructive even for themselves, as they have no conscience.

As if my husband was out only for visa, he should be wise enough to not treat me like dirt. He cannot treat me wise as he is an abuser who thinks there are no consequences for his behavior, it sure looks like.

It does really hurt us when people treat us with indifference. But what helps me a little bit, and maybe it can help you random and others too, is that if we think about that these people who treat others in this manner, that they do have a disorder, it might feel better in some way. They would not only treat us like this they would treat anyone like this. Its their character and they cannot be helped or cured.

Its never about us when people play mind games with others.

[randomperson]

I still struggle. Part of me thinks was it me.. is it me, did I scare her off like I do other women? Battling with it on a daily basis right now.

Like me I bet you were best friends and that confuses you even more. The best friend thing is what always gave me self doubts with her why I thought it could work up until the end..

Why I still wonder if it was me like she said at times, even though logic tells me it was not.

Especially when combined with all the other rejections it really has effected me.

So I still am able to feel your pain. I am sorry you face this.

You do not deserve it.

It might help you to know she did treat other guys like she did me as well. You are right.

To my knowledge she had one if not two other guys tagging along like she did me at different times to different degrees.

i do not like her anymore though. I want you to know this so it can help you.

As time passes the love and confusion turns to sadness and love.. to grief and caring.. to bitterness and confusion... hopefully after that comes the healing and peace

[sadgreeneyes]

Well, we were not best friends as he proposed way too early and we married after 2 months without even having met each other first. But he was another person, charming and caring, sent me love poems about every day. Then it slowly started to be some tense between us as I mistrusted him from the very start and did continue and he got angry I guess as he said so and he stated that one day it would be enough, where he would say "leave me", because I was distrusting him and blaming him little, and he said this before he even knew about the money and the problem, so I know he was annoyed at me. So when the day came and he thought I didnt have the income enough to get him to stay with me he started all this "divorce we will not be happy, not happy in same room and all this stuff, then he wouldnt divorce saying" I do love you after saying he did not feel very much for me, but that it will come later, then now again he say he isnt patient. I am just tired of this if he cannot be stable. So this makes me confused when he say he changed his mind because I said I would make him happy.

But his threats cannot be explained, this is abuse for sure no matter what.

He has hurt me way too much, so if he isnt mature enough to go through this with me without acting like this then so be it. I dont have more energy left soon.

I just cant fathom how a person can just go on their marry way ( like they describes the worst abusers) leaving a path of broken heart and chattered dreams in people, like nothing happened, with no guilt, no remorse, no empathy. I cant fathom how he can hurt me so much by saying "you´ll forget me", just like that, after he married me just last year. I sometimes wonder if he own any empathy.

As Ralph.W. Emerson says : "what you do, speak so loudly I cannot hear what you say".

One person just said : I have never done so little but been loved so much.

Why??? because the person has a loving partner who appreciate the other one and this is what love is about. To be loved back the same as you love.

How nice wouldnt it be if we got loved back in return?

Love doesnt hurt.

I always believe and are of the opinion that true "Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up".

But in abusive relationships there will always be a limit. No one deserves to be abused or used.