on the edge, rage [triggering]

[Guest ASchwartz]

Darkness,

Thanks for your reply to my questions. It helps me understand better.

That last thing you wrote about your anger, my sense is that your angry reactions don't help you and make you often feel worse. But, aside from that, I had the thought that every time you react angrily it gives your mother fuel to add to the fire. What I mean is that it gives her and your brother justification to treat you badly. You want to be treated fairly but, when you lose your temper it makes them think they don't have to treat you fairly.

By the way, your angry reaction only makes them not hear what you are trying to say. They just don't hear your inner hurt.

How about talking more calmly when they do things that anger you?

Allan

[Darkness]

They would think I was planning suicide or about to kill them if I talked that calmly to them... it's not in my nature, since if I did I would be lectured at how I am wrong and filled with too many accusations to take in at once. So I'd end yelling anyway... I don't know, recently I have just been completely stonewalling when I get that mad with partial success.

[Darkness]

woop-de-do! Good news.

After four months of no medications, I Got some prescription drugs today from my new(er) doctor. Maybe the anxiety from this stuff and the breakdowns from thinking too hard why I have ravishment fantasies won't be so bad with the chemicals going through my brain.

Anti-depressant

anti-psychotic

some ADHD med for school

I've been on all these before, so all will be good once I adjust to them. My temper will probably be easier to manage too.

[Guest ASchwartz]

That's terrific, Darkness. Please keep us posted on how you adjust to the meds. Maybe, now, things will feel less like "darkness."

Allan