It starts to hurt me

[sadgreeneyes]

I wrote a post in the relationship problems category. My husband has been abusive earlier but seems to be the same old again. I felt better until yesterday. But then he said we could talk every third day instead of every second day and he has stopped txt me two months ago saying his phone ate his money. I feel so distance from him, now today I feel actually sad.

When we chat we both have difficulties finding something to talk about, should I find it ok we talk less than before? I feel anxious from before and now I feel just more sad because is it really so that a newly wed couple sitting in each country waiting for visa, that its normal to talk less and less as we dont have anything to tell/talk about nearly?

He said I may not accept what he would say, I said I didnt feel good about it, he said he cared what I thought as I asked him does he even think about what I care or feel, but all in all he didnt hear me and just decided its not a big deal.

I feel more and more distant from him, not closer. I feel sad. Should this make me sad? is this normal deal? we sit several times trying to find something to talk about but our days are the same.

Its seems like I´m the only one suffering in our marriage.

[IrmaJean]

Greeneyes, are there other aspects of your life that bring you joy and pleasure? I understand that these fears feel consuming at times. Maybe it would be helpful to allow yourself a little space from this? It might help you to see things clearer and give you a little breather too. Anxiety and stress can be exhausting. What do you enjoy? Reading? Writing? Exercise? I hope you feel better about this very soon, SGE.

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi IrmaJean,

thank you for replying. I just need to know if his suggestion is normal/ok? and is it normal that we dont have much new things to talk about? is this normal for couples like us? because I tend to doubt myself because I have a lot of anxiety and depression. So I dont have much joy. As I said he has been abusive and I have suffered because of this. Its after his abusive incident I have gotten severe depressed. Even I always have struggled with depression, my mood usually have gone up and down the years so I wonder if I can have a mood disorder. Just to say in 97 I was clinically depressed for 9 months laying in bed.

I just got another/ a new diagnoses from the doctor and I suffer from a mental disorder ( not classified ).

I am severe depressed, sad and anxious because he has been abusive and I suffer from fear of abandonment too, I feel sometimes I want to escape from my pain, but I have feelings for him and dont want to leave him either.

But if we look away from his earlier abuse and just look at what I wonder now, is it normal to suggest less contact? and independent whether he is abusive or not ( even he has been). I read that to make a marriage work communication is important to keep about every day.

I am going down to see him 26th of April and I am anxious. And afraid my depression will show.

I can add I said to him maybe we can talk once in the month, he said are you joking, I said yes and laughed yes I am joking, I just wanted to hear what you said, maybe when I come back from Jordan you will say we talk every 4th day and then once in the week and so on, he said no he wouldnt.

Even I suffer I found it both sad and funny I tested him and when he said are you joking, sad because I feel sad and funny because even how silly it was to say I got at least a reaction from him.