Leo1954 Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 I have stayed up all nite wondering what to do with the feelings i have built up and remembering what is happening and not sure what is going to happen down the road i know we all don't know. With having to move into the house that started all the abuse and having to pretend that i had a normal family. I had to do something that i will nver and i mean never forgive myself for. That's when i realized that i would never be the same again! I believe that's why my daughter is the way she is and my son is very successful because he is a male. Right now at this moment while i am saying this i am not the same person i am an alternate. It will let me become myself when i let it my moods are so erratic that none of my medications are working i have been on more medications that i don't know if i will let them work. I honestly at this time with what is going on with my daughter & my mom i just have to let me take the course i am eventually going to have to take my. My daughter will be very well taken care of and that is one priority that has to be! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SomethingOrOther Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 Hi Leo,I'm not sure I fully understand what you're saying, but I'm worried that you plan to harm yourself. Are you safe? Please ask someone for help with those medications, if you feel they are not working.What is it you did that affected your daughter so much? Do you really carry all that responsibility or is there another way to see it that could allow you some forgiveness? I hope you keep yourself safe. Take care,S. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leo1954 Posted March 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 No i don't want to hurt myself i was sexually abused from the age of 12 until i was 19 the person who did this was not an immediate family member i was attending catholic school at the time it was drilled into my head that when something like this happens it is like when adam & eve biting the apple i must of been enticing the man to make him do this and if a child was born into this it would be born a child of the devil or satan what i was told in class of course back then it was no tell. I now guess you know what happened and my daughter suffers for what i had to do and there is no turning back that is also why i didn't want anymore children because if it was a girl it would break my heart to make another daughter suffer for what i had done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I'm so sorry all of that happened, Leo. This wasn't your fault. How are you feeling now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leo1954 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I feel numb to the point of desperaton i know when i go n and look at my daughter she just makes me smile because she s so innocent wsh for her to have a happy life be married have children and have a career not that t would make everything wth whats wrong with me go away but it would sure make it a hell of alot better [just quote] i just want to get in my car and just go into obliven and pretend i am somewhere anywhere where there is no me no exsitance just poof and am gone as long as my daughter is taken care of and she will be why can't it happen would it really take the pain away? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SomethingOrOther Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Hi Leo,if you feel uncomfortable about your posts, there is the possibility to change them, if you use the edit button. But there is nothing in your posts to be ashamed about. I too am sorry this has happened and there is nothing wrong with talking about it. It was wrong what someone did to you and he was just interested in getting away with it. I'm not sure if I understood how this is connected to your daughter, but I'm sure you are not responsible for the abuse you suffered or the consequences it had. S. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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