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Leo1954
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Today i think i accomplished something in myself i am trying to accept that i am not at fault what happened to me. I realize the person that did this to me was seriously ill.

Now the only thing i did do that might be harmful is i found out that he is alive and living in a close city by me. I want to go to his home and just look at him in the face and ask him why? Now i need some help because seeing him i don't know what i would honestly do. I hope it will give me some relief or satisfaction that i could stand up to him or will it hurt to the point i would go farther back to some horific thoughts.

I am still also wanting to say to him all that you read here & know about the church where it all started how would you feel if i reported to the higher ups at the richmond diosces what would you do? But i also don't want to give the old man a heart attack but then i say so be it if it happens it happens!

Now some of you ask me what does this have to do with my daughter! I believe somehow since i had an -------- i was punished and my poor daughter is paying for it. She has gone through hell since she was born and now another disease is affecting her but she is a fighter and i do pat myself on the back for that she knows she can count on me and i have made a promise to myself please let her live and be happy even if it is only a hour a day!

Please give me some input if i will be doing the right thing on facing the man that ruined my life i had to give up a childs life & now i am fighting for a life that is innocent!

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Guest SomethingOrOther

What sort of punishment would that be, if it affects an innocent child?

I think it's great that you try to accept that it wasn't your fault.

I have no experiences with it, but I have read somewhere that survivors of abuse sometimes confront their abusers and it is a disappointment, because they will often deny what happened or deny knowing you or give some stupid excuse or claim it was the persons own fault. So basically they often get nothing that helps them.

Can you talk this through with your therapist, before you try to confront the man? Have you considered asking someone if there's still some legal action possible? Can you report him somewhere? This might be another way of confronting him.

It's possible that the man is ill, but even then that would be no excuse.

I'm glad you feel stronger now.

S.

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Hi!

I have talked to my therapist about the abuse that's why she wants me to do the edmr. Somehow it's suppose to take the thought's of the abuse away. Where i can function on a daily life. She said it's for ptsd. I kind of want to say or just hear from myself saying please you got to be kidding! Why do they think if it worked on one patient of hers with something totally different it's going to work for me! I am also worried what if it don't is she going to be mad saying it worked for the other patient. Then or should i just pretend that it worked? I can block it back to where i was in the first place.

Yes i have reported it when i turned 39 it was told to me because it was to do with the place where it happened and who did it they will not intervene. I personally knew that it might happen. Also with what i have been diagnosed the lawyer that i had at the time said no judge was going to supeona that person. It has the law for the church of what religion was more powerful so i probaly lose n state court. It could take years to have them back me up. Which i deep down knew.

I definitely don't have the power to take that on.

That's why i am scared to say to anybody what happened. I know if i could see your faces i would not be doing or talking about this. I wll not even look at my therapist in the face when we talk about it. She has tried to get me to look at her or myself when i talk about it but i can"t.

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What I have experienced confronting people that have changed your life has good and bad points. You never know how they will react.. often because they are so messed up in the first place it is rarely good.

It is however a release but never enough to totally heal from the confrontation alone. You have to ask yourself how will you feel if you don't do it and he dies not giving you the chance anymore.. then ask yourself how will you feel if he gives you the worst reaction you can think of.. then weigh the two outcomes and determine what is best for your life.

I did confront someone that hurt me emotionally and also have not to another. For me it was a mixed bag both ways with good and bad points. Overall I felt better by confronting. What ifs are difficult to endure over long periods of time.

But if you decide to do this prepare for it with your therapist first as it will be a emotional roller coaster.

Edited by randomperson
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Hello Leo,

I believe somehow since i had an -------- i was punished and my poor daughter is paying for it.

Allow me to be honest and speak my mind on this matter. First of all i am very glad that you shared with us the reason that led you to believe that you are responsible for your daughter.

With all respect for people that are religious i refuse to believe in a punitive God. I think that responsibility and moral should come from respect, recognition and love for the other (and oneself) and not from a fear of being punished by a God that is in essence good and forgiving.

Anyway, i think that we have to take responsibility for our actions and learn from them so we build a better future for ourselves and others. Punishment may have the same effect on people but it leaves them fearful, angry, humiliated, but mainly guilty, a self destructive and paralysing feeling.

Perhaps you have the need to punish yourself for having being abused and for some mistakes you might have made in your life.

I had an abortion when there was a fierce debate going on in my country about it. Some wanted to legalize others thought that women that had abortions were murderers. I honestly don't think that i am a murderer and i never felt like one. So i never felt guilty in that sense. I felt a loss. I cried that loss, i felt sorry for me. I didn't really believe in God but if i did i would think that God would be with me in that difficult moment. God would support me and embrace me to ease my pain.

i am trying to accept that i am not at fault what happened to me.

I think that you are right Leo. You don't have to punish yourself because someone did something to you.

I want to go to his home and just look at him in the face and ask him why?

I think that it really depends on what you expect from the guy. It may be enough for you to confront him without having any expectation whatsoever from him or anyone else. The truth is that he knows what happened and you may just want to confront him with that from a position of strength and control in contrast with a position of victim as in the past.

The difference is that in here you do not need him to agree with you, to apologise, to regret. You know that he knows. You are separate, you are in control of the situation. Not him any more. YOU ARE.

It is a very difficult and tricky one Leo. I think that it's good if you do a good deal of talking and thinking before you make a decision. It sounds incredibly difficult.

It's ok to be ashamed, it's ok to talk here and it's ok to hide. I hide all the time even if i want desperately to be seen ;):o

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