I am tired of life

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi Allan,

yes I know a puppy face doesnt mean he is nice, I think maybe I wrote this but actually the right to write would be he has confused me, being nice in between, nice words then cruel words. The latest two weeks has been a torture, I just dont understand why he called that day 5 days ago sounding so weird drunk like noo he didnt want to divorce me, he coldnt divorce me I was his wife and then next day he turns around again and have done this 12 times.

But now it seems like its over. I cant imagine myself with another man again. I still love him, I grieve. It takes long time to get over how he raped my soul leaving it to bleed.

I havent done anything in 3 days. I dont do much at all. I dont feel well finding friends because I cannot find someone who understand me, I cant be with someone who has joy because I am not there myself, havent been since 97. I dont feel joy. What makes me feel alive is love. The love I struggle for, to be loved. This is all that matters to me. It is what makes me feel alive. It is like hunger and thirst, I need it to survive. And now he has left me.

[sadgreeneyes]

He just called, when I said hello, he hang up.

Is he gonna start torturing me again? or maybe he think I´m dead?

What do you think?

Well, now he has started over again txt saying he couldnt divorce me saying baby again.

[sadgreeneyes]

I cant help myself, its now back to the same, he said "ok now I can cancel this hotel and he come to airport no on else, ok baby". I said yes.

But I dont cancel, not before same day to check in, to be sure my husband doesnt turn around again manipulating me to cancel. I also earlier today contacted another woman who married a jordanian man, they are happy and she said she would help me have little company for friend, a jordanian friend of her, living in Amman.

My husband said we will start all over again, he was extremely nice on txts and said did I agree to start all over and forget the two difficult weeks and I did agree and he asked did I still had the gifts to him and on new txt did I have to his parents too, I said yes and I asked him if he loved me, he said yes baby.

I´m sorry, but I cant let him go and dont know why I think I now should trust him. How can he let me go through all this pain for nothing. He promised to never talk divorce again.

My god, its 40 minutes ago, now he txt say parents dont accept this and we will be divorced on sunday. How can he do this to me?

And it doesnt make sense as why ask do I have the parents gift still if the parents disapprove of us? but they did approve us to marry. It doesnt make sense.

Another thing I asked him one day how long time the divorce take, he said one week. Today he said he couldnt divorce me and now he say 40 minutes later we are finish on sunday. In two days. Hurting me once again. I havent txt him back at all for the first time, enough is enough. I feel I start to be angry. This isnt normal unless he wants to hurt me.

[randomperson]

It is hard but you have to let him go. Really did you know him.. did I know my ex GF? Both was long distance they can hide sooo much. We will be here for you. I went through what you are going through now. Feels like the end of the world.. but after months pass you will start to hate him and his family for what they did to you. Trust me on this. And you will start to see the light in the darkness. Please look at me.. read my posts and see the transition I went through.. that I am going through.. I am far from healed.. but I am happier now that I have broke contact.. I regret to say like you I got weak right after it happened and tried talking as friends... thankfully I broke it off in such a way that I knew I wouldn't be able to go back.. because I knew I would get weak again and try to.. she did ignore me gave her over 700 dollars less than a month earlier and she was cold enough to ignore me (he is the same!). Looking back it was the best thing for me in so many ways. It hurts like crazy.. and I am sorry you have to face it as well

But please please trust me and know you will feel better after time passes once you let him go in your heart.

Heading home now long busy day at work. Please know our thoughts are with you. I'm sorry I know exactly what you are feeling right now

[sadgreeneyes]

I try to relax because this is making me exhausted, I nearly didnt function normal in the food shop after he txt me all be fine.

What I want to try understand is this doesnt make sense, that did I have the gift to his parents and so forth, as I wrote..

I dont know what to think, either he is and this is taken from the book angry and controlling men : " she can experience her abusers departure as one final slap in the face following a long line of previous ones". This is to punish the woman for not fulfilling his expectations when he wanted it or for all the times she defended herself, a last way to walk all over her.

But if he/they used me for visa then he wouldnt stop the process as he doesnt get visa if he does that. But maybe it takes too long time for him as he may have another woman they want him to marry. Or he just isnt patient himself as this was the fact he claimed early on, he just wasnt patient, frustrated it took longer time. I really dont know. But to me it seem like my husband does this mainly to punish me. If he knew he already would divorce then he wouldnt continue hurting me like this. It means he is abusive no matter what is true.

Why shouldnt the parents approve us when they approve us marry and live together in my country for 3 years anyway at least. Now its a big problem. If all this is true that the family is involved in this then the entire family is abusive, I doubt it. I think this is only my husband who is abusive and do what he wants. As he could do what he wanted when he chose to marry me. It is said it is allowed to marry people of the book.

If we are divorced on sunday, he said many days ago he would txt me when we are divorced, so I guess I get a txt on sunday then.

I dont get it, he just said he loved me two hours ago and all he said and suddenly change. For the 14th time!

But at least I havent txt him, so its good he see I dont, what should I say when he can do this, not much to say. And they claim all of them to have faith in Allah, and they go all to the mosque, and they know Allah hate divorce without reason and it say that a sincere husband does not divorce his loving wife with love. Divorce is hate.

[randomperson]

You can't understand people like that. ..I never understood what happened with me totally. All you can do is be at peace knowing YOU are a good person.

[sadgreeneyes]

Now he has done the same again, called early today telling me he really didnt want divorce me and wanted me to come to cam and promised again he wouldnt mention divorce. I said I cant trust him anymore, he promised so I said yes. I went back to sleep as I was 99% sure he would txt some hours later saying he wanted divorce again and he did. You are right it does repeat itself.

Now he said it wasnt important with the money anymore as we had no chance now he was sure. I told him we have chance if he want to wait me. No we are finish, I had to believe that now. Me believe that now the way he has been harassing me?? and yesterday he said could I go to the state office apply for the money like I told him and said thats good I do. And today the money isnt important??

Yeh, so when I said "so the money isnt important, and asked is he going to prison since he cant wait me? then he said he couldnt complete because his parents wanted him to stay with them.

Heh, You know, the Quran say that husband are to leave his parents to be with his wife, same as Bible. And he tells me he divorce me because his parents want him! He left me because of that, aha, how nice, nice to know! He really wanted to hurt me. 15 times!

And he said if I txt him more ( I tried to solve it with 3 messages only) "HE" had to close his phone??! it should be me who need to close my phone as its him who has harassed "me"! I sent txt to him saying I change my phone number on monday and that my phone will be off till then. And I turned it off. I cant take this anymore, to be treated like this, its like hell.

This is emotional abuse. I am a good person yes, and I would never treat someone I love the way he has treated me. I could never leave someone I love. And if I were in his place I would never give up to be with him, I would never lose hope and I would wait for him.

That is what love is. He chose his parents over his wife. Very nice to know.

[randomperson]

Would you really want him now? You deserve better.

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi random,

I think its all lie, I heard he needs my signature for the divorce to be finish for good and what about the dowry a husband has duty to give wife. Its crime in Islam if the husband divorce his wife without paying her the dowry.

Plus he say I wont get any paper in the mail we are divorced and that it takes one week to divorce. I dont know, maybe so, but still it sounds weird the whole thing, he hasnt even txt me he went to court today and divorced.

He has played his cards very very very wrong and dumb, as I can, in Amman, go to the embassy with all the proof of how he treated me out for visa, and the country will stop him, he will not get visa anywhere.

Not that he may plan to fool yet another woman for visa, but he doesnt own anything down there, he lives with his parents and this was the reason why he couldnt continue with his ex as he didnt have the money,plus he told me she was a bad woman surely cheating on him, he was so sure, plus he didnt feel anything for her as the parents had found her for him to marry. So something is wrong here, as I have always thought, why would the parents find woman for him if they knew he hadnt the money to keep her. He said he lost the 1000JOD he paid for the coming bride, as her parents demanded this dowry, and he said to me he lost all his money because he divorced her. Because she was a bad woman. So he told me he hated arab women. Good muslims also tells me if she really was a bad person he would have the right to get all his money back. Which he say he lost.

I also read that Islam forbids engagement parties, so why did my husband have a picture of himself in the same smoking dress on, which he had on when he married me, on a picture from the engagement if they dont have engagement parties. Thats weird.

Added : I think I have found a possible answer that makes sense : he actually married his ex, divorced her to go to norway to earn money, to leave me and bring his ex, and the reason he didnt get the money back is simply because he divorced her for the period he would be with me, actually ex waiting, not even knowing he would stay with me, as I got hidden in a apartment when some people came, and I saw a red car outside the window, he claimed he hid me because we wasnt allowed to be in that flat as it wasnt his sisters husbands flat. On the pic my husband sent me showing he didnt have his wedding ring on, I saw the same red car. Now he cant complete because if it takes too long time to get the visa or get it at all as he may think t wont happen, his time is running out for hiding from his ex that he has married me and not going to another country just to earn money. This is just a theory, but maybe this is the truth. As I couldnt come down see him, he worked his ass off me not coming to see him, which is weird and the family couldn have me. And the reason for this is that they all used me.

But when I think about it it sounds weird too as its only 6 months since we applied and he knew the case could take 14 months, so maybe my theory fails.

Anyway, if I look away from this, other point is that he will be stuck in his country if he divorce me. Not own a thing to start have house and good money. If thats what he wants then good luck to him. He has no need for me anymore, he is very dumb if he let all this go west just because visa takes a year longer.

I am still scared he will call me start all the torture over again,but I don think he do. I am still weak and I know how it sounds. I just hope I survive.

I know if he let me go to Amman he sure never loved me,no doubt. And he will get what he deserves.

[randomperson]

I know your are hurting right now. I was where you are.. feeling so betrayed. I'm sorry that it turned out the same way. Please know as time passes you will get better, feel better.. stronger. For now be with your family and friends.. do things you like.. and what helped me the most everytime you think what if this or that.. remember how you were treated when you were trying to make it work. Know you have a good kind heart and deserve better.

Things would have got worse with him and you would have been miserable.

Do not have any regrets.

[sadgreeneyes]

He still hasnt txt me anything he has been in court, he could have done this to let me know. Anyway, good news for me is that I have applied for my money and it takes 4 months to treat the case. So good for him.

I have at least one thing out of the world for a time, the money. He didnt even want to wait. He gets his punishment. I only hope I am strong enough to survive, I am still weak if he should contact me, but I do feel I am starting to get more angry. Today I have been out all day, in town applying for the money, and I have been sitting outside my home for 2 hours just getting air and thinking about his cruel behavior and how someone can be so evil.

He didnt care anything than the money, when I did get them and the case, not me.