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I knew something would go wrong


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My daughter went to a new neurosurgeon today and now the are going to put a shunt in her head to relieve pressure in her brain. Next week I am taking her in to bring her home witha 48hr. EEG because she is having to much seizures. Now this fool who remember is a neurosurgeon asks me is she depressed! I wanted to smack him and say DUH all the trauma she has been going through since Sept. 2010 please.

I new it was impossible to get good news I mean I knew it wouldn't be OK everything is gone no more cancer but overhalf of it has been contained now a new thing to worry about is happening. I don't think it has hit me yet at least since I have been home.

I don't understand and I know I keep saying why her if anything take it from her and put it in me.

I just can't forget what I did is punishing me for what I did but she is taking way to much for 31yrs. I am glad she doesn't understand why. The only thing that is so hurtful to me that she reaches out & hugs me crying saying Mom I am tired of being sick I can't take it no more! She told the Neurosurgeon today that. he looked at me and said I am going to do my best than anyother Dr. & devote to help her.

I don't know how to believe anything any more it is just so painful that right now I feel so numb that I can't even cry. I am walking around in a daze the one comfort I get is this place where I can share & people understand I just don't honestly know how much more her body can take. If she can't take it how the hell can I try to help her much less to decide on what am I suppose to do? I seriously think its driving me to the brink of insanity!

Please respond anybody for me to help myself keep going!

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I cant even imagine what you are going through Leo - it must be so incredibly painful watching your daughter go through something like this and feeling utterly helpless to do anything.

That you are there for her in more ways than one, is a blessing in itself but I know that is hard to look at that as a plus right now. She knows she is held in mind and that you are there for her - I often think of some of the children that I have worked with through a NPO who have had to go through excrutiating agony with the burns they received but not a parent in sight - most of them are orphans.

I can hear how much you love her and I know she must feel that love - you are a wonderful mother.

Know that you are not alone Leo - we are here for you.


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