IrmaJean Posted June 21, 2011 Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 I'm here and listening, Mary. I hope the upcoming end of school brings you more time to breathe, focus, and heal.Take gentle care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantGiveItAway Posted June 21, 2011 Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 (edited) I know you dont feel it alot of the time but I think your so brave. Im sorry your class is so tough.Cant wait till...http://youtu.be/iQkU6fHP0fM Edited June 21, 2011 by CantGiveItAway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endlessnight Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 Hello Mary. It sounds like you have been having a stressful time, no wonder you are feeling the way you are. I hope when school ends things will get a little easier for you, at least there will be one less thing to be anxious about, and you can relax a little, and give yourself the time you need. Take care dear Mary, M. ((((((hugs)))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted June 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2011 Well I made it to summer vacation. I hope that some rest and relaxation will help me find some peace and comfort within myself. I am struggling with the parts of me... there seems to be a war going on for my sanity. Thanks for listening and being there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted June 25, 2011 Report Share Posted June 25, 2011 It's always nice to hear from you, Mary. I'm glad summer vacation is here for you. I hope your parts find ways to compromise with one another and blend. Wishing you a healing summer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 We are here, Mary My last therapist taught me a great deal about my different "parts" and how to end the war. It was amazing the difference that approach made for me. I know it isn't easy for you right now:(. I still want to wish you a good summer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted July 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 I guess I had hoped the memories were done but today was a terrible day where the monster's voice was beating me down and then i had a horrible meroy. I cant take it and i want to dig the monster out of me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Hi MaryIm sorry your monsters voice was beating you down today Memories can be very painful when they surface, im so sorry for your hurt Is there anything you can do, to try distract yourself, when the voice becomes strong ?Were here sitting with you, listening to you, and we care Take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pseudome Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 so sorry maryI don't know what to do about these things eithertake care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted July 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 you are very kind to sit with me but i am not worth it . i am dirty and worthless and full of his evilness Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pseudome Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Don't say that. don't ever say that. If you're dirty and worthless then so am I. It's not true. not true. not true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted July 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2011 i am not trying to hurt you this is how i am it is too much for me right now the monster wins Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted July 23, 2011 Report Share Posted July 23, 2011 are you feeling triggered by something, Mary? I'm sorry you are feeling defeated right now. Would it help to talk about it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted July 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2011 it seems like everyone around me is angry at me my husband for buying something for the kids my daughter because i dared to question her and the monster in my head who is throwing the dirt and shame at me relentlessly and the anger scares me and i want to be safe i want my children to be safe and i want my husband to be safe and i am too stupid and weak to do it I KEEP SCREWING UP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted July 23, 2011 Report Share Posted July 23, 2011 well that is the trigger! You need a break to breathe, Mary. When you start to feel bad about yerself, those voices flood in It is not easy to be in a family and right now you are stressed!!!!! I know you would not want to be without them though.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted July 23, 2011 Report Share Posted July 23, 2011 {{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}Im sorry things are so very painful for you Can you find a little time for yourself, and maybe just try and relax - meditate ? Take care Pamprenna, gravotosharse, lacthiships and 8 others 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted July 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2011 i just tried working out for the first time in a long time i am trying to distract myself it helped for the moment now just tired and so sad and hopeless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted July 23, 2011 Report Share Posted July 23, 2011 I'm sorry you're feeling sad and discouraged, Mary. I hope you are able to breathe and relax. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted July 23, 2011 Report Share Posted July 23, 2011 ((((((( hugs to you, Mary )))))))) Maybe some good friends would help right now? Is there anyone you can visit and spend an hour with this evening?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted July 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2011 being with people just seems to be such an effort it is hard to be able to interact. i made it through the night and actually managed a couple of hours of good sleep until the nightmares returned. not sure what is wrong with me. i seem to be dong ok and then i turn into this pathetic wreck of a person. everything hurts again: my body my mind my soul Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted July 24, 2011 Report Share Posted July 24, 2011 Mary, when you start to feel bad about yourself, it is a trigger for your trauma. I'm so sorry for this extra layer you deal with :( Can I say that I am also thankful you can go for longer stretches now of being ok?When you catch yourself saying harsh things inside to you, you know you will have trouble. We are here for you, Mary, whenever you need to talk this stuff out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notmary Posted July 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2011 i wish that making a mistake was ok but instead i panic. i feel like i need to be be perfect and that i cant relax cause i dont want to overlook something. if i am perfect the monster wouldnt hurt me and i would have been good enough to be loved Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted July 24, 2011 Report Share Posted July 24, 2011 Hi MaryOh, hun Im so sorry you feel like this. Sheeze I feel like that a lot of the time.The thing is though, with monsters - what ever you did or do - it is NEVER going to be good enough for the monster. There expectations are limitless. Im sorry you got so hurt. And Im sorry that the monster was not stopped before he harmed you :) You are good enough to be loved. Your children love you, we love and care about you here. And Im sure that there are other people in your life that love you too. You dont need to be perfect and not make any mistakes to be loved. The people in your life that actually love you - love you for who you are. {{{{hugs}}}}please take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted July 25, 2011 Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 Mary, he hurt you due to his issues. There was nothing you did to cause this.I can be an extreme perfectionist at work. It's tough dealing with all of that pressure! I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Do you enjoy any activities that would help you to let go a little? Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted July 25, 2011 Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 Good work finding the core belief behind your trigger, Mary! How can you rephrase this, turn it around? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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