Time to forget or remember?

[Leo1954]

I am trying to forget but still remembering some bad things that happened I am remembering why my mom didn't defend me when the one thing that I had to do knowing she knew what happened! Just happened while I was eating dinner tonite why did this pop-up realizing what I'm having to do. I am trying to forget maybe forgive? It is a startling image I have in my head knowing what she knew & thought she couldn't go against the church. I don't understand why! How am I suppose to feel now when I am seeing her in the condition she is in. I am making all preparations for her & doing everything to make her comfortable. I love her but, now I'm not saying I don't but, all of a sudden I have feelings of numbness. You can't turn off your thoughts or feelings, however I can try to forgive the man no my mother I can try.

The reason I'm the only one here to take care of her or my daughter her family which is also mine live 4 to 5hrs. away. My grandmother had 21 children 2 who died at a early age. She has one sibling left who is 11 months younger than her. He has had 2 strokes the latter in March. There won't be anyone at my mothers viewing maybe a cousin or two.

Now I am going back to step 1 here I live it over but not having a way to deal with it. It not might make any sense to you cause I probably am rambling my mind & mouth. The words are coming out but not making any sense HUH?

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Hi Leo,

it must have been a great disappointment that she didn't support you, when you needed her. Maybe it's the time of saying goodbye when memories pop up. It might be the last chance to tell her about it and say that you will try to forgive her or a chance to see that the power she had is long gone. It's a difficult time, I think there is no right or wrong emotions to feel. But I've known someone with mood swings, who'd say that it is also important not to hold on to them too much, so that they swing you around, but instead to watch and accept them and let them go.

S.

[Waiting]

Hi Leo,

It is a time for both. It is a time to deal with things and more importantly it is a time that these thoughts will come no matter what.

The long and the short of it is that she was human. A human with flaws and weaknesses as are we all.

Rambling is fine and good. You should read some of my posts. I am sure I make no sense at all. The fact is your emotions and thoughts are going to be everywhere. I suggest you try to focus on what you can to get past them.