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Decision hope right


Leo1954
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My mom ended up in the ER today IV.s kept infiltrating I had to make the decision on to let her go which meant she would literally starve & dehydrate to death. I made the decision to have a feeding tube inserted I cannot let her have that happen! I know with Alzheimers it don't reverse but I'll be damned if she is going to go that way. The ER doc agreed with me she just wanted me to say in my own words what do I want & that's the decision I want. I want my mom to go peacefully and with dignity never could I let that happen to her I know no resucitation or be on life support but not starving to death I can't imagine what she would feel like but no I wouldn't want it for myself or any one. It sounds like I would be assisting her death! Am I making the right decision? I just can't do it that way, I'm not holding on to think she is going to be OK I want her to go when she's ready I'm repeating myself because I am having to do this all on my own & please somebody talk to me as soon as you can. I'm so crazed it's just to much I hate this I know it's going to happen but why am I having to decide on the 2 people I love i'm not going to make it. I am scaredto make a appt. for any help because with the way my luck is going I will not come home. I didn't mean to say the word luck I don't know the word I should say!

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Hi !!

Waiting

I am glad you responded I am just so tired of putting other peoples lives in my hands. I feel I have in this matter the right decision. I just got off the phone with the hospital they said her vitals were fine even her heart rate was normal. I don't understand she isn't never going to be herself again I realize that. What I don't understand is how one minute she is at deaths door then her vitals are normal! I'm throwing my hands up saying what the hell!!!!

It's spooky that might sound weird but I have been told contradicting things.I know she will go when she is ready but, I want her to go without no pain that's why I don't want her to die in the way she would if I didn't make the decision I made. I again have to go there tomorrow and sign more papers I feel like making copies and distribute them to everybody that sees her. Isn't that what charts are for? I also wondering if I'm being fair to my daughter. I have put her treatments on the back burner I am trying to make decisions for my mom & dealing with her Dr.s. Now what have I done to my daughter here she sits with a mass that thank god has been contained now by 70% but I am so tired and confused I have just been giving her painkillers so I don't know what the HELL I am doing to her. I don't have time to deal with my Dr. which I need Because I need refills and she isn't going to do that which I'm blaming her .

I'm just wondering what can I do to put my thoughts back into perspective instead of so jumbled up I don't know who I am doing to who or even what!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Guest ASchwartz

Leo,

You cannot help others if you do not help yourself first. That is a truism as old as the ages. That means you have to fill your prescriptions, get them and use them.

Allan

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Hi Leo,

I think, although it is very painful to deal, you mother is going to die. I do not mean to belittle that but you need to try to focus as much as you can on you and your daughter. I understand jumbled thoughts quite well. You need to seek help and you need to get yo help as Allan said or you can not help anyone.

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I was just making a statement about my meds. I picked them up today I just meant that everything that is going on I was having a hard time calling who for who putting myself last. I know my mother is going to die! I just wanted to talk that's all. I am putting my daughter first I have never let anything happen to her! I meant that I postponed her treatments so I could make my mothers arrangments. I am doing what I have to do.!

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Leo...Im so sorry that I just saw this today...I think you have made a tough decision concerning your mom..you know her and you know what she would want...no one else would know her like you do...I think I said that twice...anyway I can't say I wouldn't do the same..don't know haven't been there yet with my mom...I think your mom would want you to take care of yourself and do the best you can do for your daughter...and thats what you are doing....although you do need to put yourself first on the list to be of any good for your daughter..hmmm where have I heard that before, easier said then done, I know...believe me...My thoughts are with you Leo..

Shannon

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Guest ASchwartz

Leo,

I took a look at what I wrote to you and I think I came across sounding harsh. Harshness was not my intent, neither was insensitivity. I think I was trying to be "mothering," in the form of, "take care of yourself, listen to me, take care of yourself. Interesting, I think, that I was trying to be mothering when your mother is dying. Unconsciously, I might have felt a need to be a proverbial "Jewish Mother."

How are you feeling and how are things going with both your mother and daughter?

Allan

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I just thought that ya'll thought were getting tired of me talking about it. I don't have any support that's why I enjoy hearing responses from here. I have tried to do this actually not saying anything about it so nobody would say why did you do that? I just have to know in my own mind and keep repeating it over & over again I guess to reassure myself!

I know that I have in my heart that I would never let anything happen to my daughter with me, I am finally proud of myself because I am a good mother even with all my faults!

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