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Just Trying


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I am confused I saw on a post that I should focus on myself. I also like to help support others. Yes I have some terrible things that I'm having to deal with but, right now I need to stay on here trying to not focus on my problems no. 1 I haven't slept in 48hrs. I am scared because when I'm doing this I can focus without thinking of death, nursing home neglect again, & what my daughter is having to endure.

I am trying to forget the things that has happened to me that I will never ever forget. Yes I think of drastic measures but, maybe I'm trying to go back and block it out like I did for 36yrs. That would at least take some feelings I kept into my head and pushed back.

I am not the person to focus on myself. I would rather be the other person I was! I did do some regretful things that I ignored including the people that I love.

I want to never get involved in a relationship that I know will never work out. I had 2 marriages but, the sad thing is my first husband the father of my 2 kids I still love he knew and helped me deal with it we met in college. Yes we jumped and got married but, for him I only regret divorcing him. The 2nd marriage I never really loved him I just thought that it was something I should do!

See I have a life that is very lonely but, I am not sorry for being this. I have met some wonderful people on here that some have & know what I'm going through & even if they haven't they are here to support.

I am so thankful for being here it's like friends that I never could imagine being here for me and me being there for them.

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Hi Leo,

I am glad being here helps you. It seems you and I are coping in similar ways. I know in the log run I will need to deal with my own issue and I am in fact, but for now to focus on them would just cause me to collapse into a ball of loss, sorrow and self-pity.

Helping others makes me feel good and gives me time to heal and lets me feel good about my situation at least in some way.

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Hi Leo....like your title, we can only try, I think in some ways you have been focusing a bit on yourself, just being here and discussing what is on your mind I believe is a step in that direction. You have opened up quite a bit since you first started posting, I know that you have been supportive to me and my situation, because you know what I am going through in regards of taking care of a loved one. For us it is an overwhelming task in it self, let alone dealing with past truama's that just don't want lay to rest like we would want...I think it due to the added stress of caregiving that brings this all to the forefront of out minds. I know I do my best to find ways to decompress so that I can keep my mind at peace, sometimes I am successful and sometimes it is very difficult, I think you know what I mean.

I am so grateful for some very special and dear friends that help me through the dark times. If it weren't for the special friends, one has become paticularly close to me, I would feel so shut off from the world. It is times like this you learn who is willing to be there for you. Support right now is so important and much needed. I am not always looking for solutions, just a shoulder is all need.,

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