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My toxic family


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I am having a low year. I want my family to support me, but apparently that is too much to ask for. I agreed to get an apartment with my mom and my brother (I am 25, bro is 20), so my mom could get out of our house that my dad has destroyed and recover from cancer. My father is pretty much gone. He can't admit he has a problem, but he hoards trash and sleeps around it. The house looks like the tv show. He isn't invested in our relationship because of his issues.

I have a great relationship with Mom until brother comes around. He is the golden boy. Never worked more than 5 hours a week in his life. Spends more time kibitzing than studying, which made him fail 7 classes in 2 years. Mom gladly shelled out the money to redo them. He is a jerk. My mom will be the first to defend him. I will never be as good as my brother, even though I gave my mom my bed to sleep in, rides to treatment, and support. I have slept on the couch the past 2 months. I am in pain.

Tonight, they refused to go to sleep. I am really sick. I went to lay in the bed I gave my mom and she hit me and made me get out. I still can't go to bed because everyone is up.


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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Ilovemycelo,

My immediate thought, after reading your post, was that, "No, you are not as good as your brother...you are far better." You need to know that, understand that, believe that and stop hoping your mother will see it. At this point in your life, its most important for you to know this.

Is it possible for you to get you own place, just for you, alone or with roommates, where you can have your bed and sleep in your bed without anyone hitting you or telling you what to do?

Indeed, it does sound like your family is toxic. In my experience, the best thing we can do, when we come from a toxic family, is to move out. Save yourself.

Is this possible?


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You need to know that, understand that, believe that and stop hoping your mother will see it.
- Couldnt agree more man.

The problem with toxic families/relationships, is that if you hang around them for too long you get poisoned as well.

Save yourself brother - while you still can! You done good - you done as much as you can - get out now.


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