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I wonder if I suffer from dysthymia?

In childhood I was withdrawn as I had no friends and I sat alone all the time, never said anything at all nearly, abusive childhood with ignorant father. Has never had joy in life in childhood.

In 97 I got clinically depressed and was lying in bed 9 months, they wanted me to be in hospital care but they let me stay at home, had two nurses who came and gave me medicine and try to take me outdoors without success, I was mentally in pain lying nearly to die, didnt eat, dont remember if I did shower eat or anything.

I got up from bed after 9 months but never got the same as I could feel more joy ( even it wasnt real joy) before the clinical depression set in. Since 98 I have been constantly feeling sad, sometimes melancholic, but I have always functioned, which means I have been up, not so much outside, I have never had any joy doing activities outdoors, have spent most of my free time being alone as I have not felt joy like others who live like life is happy. Many times I have thought what are they so happy for, life isnt that happy, they arent deep and I wondered sometimes if they dont think about "life" itself. It sometimes annoyed me that people show their happiness as for me it felt like fake because life wasnt happy. And still is not. Not for me at least.

So I never did go to the doctor after this and said I´m depressed and sad because I thought this is who I am, I didnt think deep enough to know that this sadness wasnt how it should be and that it comes from my loss in childhood and emotional neglect and the major depression I suffered.

When I now have a life crises again I read about melancholy and depression as I know I am sad and depressed. But sad I have been all my adult life, and the more sad the more depressed. So bad I thought of suicide.

So also I read in my journal I have years with depression, but as said, after the journal stops its information about the depression and medicines, I still have felt sad and depressed. But never did go to the doctor. And I have wondered why I never have gone to the doctor about this, only to read that many doesnt because they think this is a part of who they are. I read about dysthymia.

I wonder what kind of depression I have, because I have always been sad and no joy over things. They even said down in middle east when all was fine and I should be showing joy that "she looks so sad". Not that it surprised me as I know I am sad, but others do see it too, people who never knew me.

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Guest ASchwartz


You could have one of several different kinds of depression and, depending on which one, the treatment could be different. Dysthymia and Major Depression would be treated with anti depressants. It could also be a form of Bipolar Disorder. That would be treated with a different kind of medication. My point is that you really need to see a psychiatrist to get the correct diagnosis and the correct medicine. In all cases, psychotherapy is recommended.

Does this help?


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Hi Allan and Waiting,

Thanks Allan for giving some clues what it can be. I was at the doctor and will call a few therapists to get help. Much of my sadness comes from deep within, I guess its grief I carry ( from childhood) that has manifest itself more and more as the latest 6 years have been very tough. It is like what I long for is not to be found here on earth unless I have a man. I guess its a deep wound in me thats needs to be filled. I have mentioned earlier that the only thing that makes me feel alive is a relationship/marriage/man. This is the only thing that gives me some joy or happiness. But as with me I have always found abusers so the joy didnt last long, if it could even be called joy. Now when I had married I was so happy when he was nice to me, but the nice man is now gone and this made me even more aware of my sadness, so much like never before.

I´m sorry to hear you have this depression too Waiting, I am glad you will get help. I hope I will get a therapist within not too long, at least within 2 months. Maybe they even have time already in some weeks, I will call them on monday.

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