need love...frustration...

[heavenandhell]

Hello. My initial post is here for some background: http://community.mentalhelp.net/showthread.php?t=7256

I can tell right now I have less problems than some of the people on these boards. I don't have a lot of extreme conditions. What I do have is some fairly extreme frustration because my life isn't happening as much as it should, including love life

I'm late 20's, used to get made fun of when I was younger for not having a girlfriend, etc. If you met me you would have no idea that I struggle with love. I'm considered smart, good looking, basically a normal person. I've only had 2 girls and neither one was that serious. I consider it good experience and positive but it wasn't the real thing. I've never really been in real actual love. I've been on a lot of dates. I can talk to women at bars or clubs sometimes or get a phone number or arrange some dates. I'm just not getting a real, loving relationship no matter what I do it seems. I have a very high sex drive also. I masturbate several times a day usually. I haven't really had sex outside of those 2 girls. Sometimes some "fooling around" but not actual sex. I think I half hold myself back because I don't want meaningless sex and the other half is weird. The other half is not living my life in a way that's conducive to loving, sexual relationships? Something like that. I don't know if maybe I should let go of the first half of what I said and become promiscuous or something. Love cures loneliness though, not sex per se.

To be even more precise I think a lot of sex is kind of pathetic. I hear about people who can't get an erection, do something they regret the next day, have sex with someone then never talk to them again, only last a few minutes in a sexual encounter, don't engage in oral sex, etc. I'm nothing like that. I have raw sexual energy that is nothing like this bumbling 5 minute "hookup" stuff but hardly ever get to use it.

This issue is killing me. It's been killing me for years. In my initial post I wrote about a girl I met while I was in another country that I've been in contact with for about a year. I'm strongly attracted to her. We only were together briefly in person but kept communicating and were open and loving. We tell each other our thoughts, what we're doing in our lives, etc and she's generally very sweet. Recently we haven't been in contact which makes me really sad. I thought we could meet again sometime. We have talked halfway seriously about me going to her country again or marriage.

Something is wrong. Serious, loving relationships aren't coming to me and it makes me lonely and I can't satisfy my massive sex drive, and I think it's affecting other areas of my life. Other parts of my life also need a lot of work right now because I'm in a very transitional place. I want to get my life together as I'm in my late 20's and don't have what I consider to be a good life heading into the future now though my life has been decent before. I think the lack of love makes it even worse. Sometimes I feel almost too lonely to function even though I'm a likable person with a fair amount of friends, but the lack of close romantic love is very bad for me. What can I do about this? Not having had serious love by this age is taking a toll on me. I remind myself that at least I had a couple experiences and semi serious GFs but it really wasn't the real thing. I'm lonely and frustrated about this!

[IrmaJean]

I hear that you're frustrated. I have the sense that you're feeling a lot of pressure about this. Maybe if you lessened the weight of this, things might fall into place. Try putting yourself out into a lot of social situations, being open-minded about meeting women, and seeing where things go. Good luck.

[heavenandhell]

Thanks. I mentioned a girl I met while traveling in another country and we kept in touch after I left. Maybe it wasn't realistic but after about a year of talking, I haven't heard from her in a few weeks. It feels devastating. We were talking somewhat seriously about me moving there or even getting married. I feel so lonely. She used to say she was lonely too. I don't understand the break in communication. Maybe I should have done something sooner. I sent a really heartfelt 1 year "anniversary" email recently. I really, really hope she replies.