I feel bad....

[soaring eagle]

This mother's day is when my foster mother passes away.

Even though the anniversary of her death is 3 yrs, I don't miss her. She wasn't a very nice person nor a good mother.

She was very abusive physically and mentally all my life as well to my sisters everything had to revolve around her like she was the only person in the world.

I never let her babysit my children for the fear she would beat them.

so when she passed away i actually felt free and the burden gone. So now I actually feel a little guilty at the same time for feeling this way:confused:.

[shanrucas]

Hi Soaring Eagle...love the user name by the way. Although I may not be able to relate to everything you are feeling..but guilt is something I can relate to...I have caring for my mother who has MS for over six years now, mostly on my own...I love her dearly, but it is taking has taken its toll, she needs 24 hour care. I have no if any time for myself and family has abandoned us. Lately I have felt very guilty thinking of the time when she will pass away so that I can resume my life..I feel very bad about this and selfish about it...I feel I have been in a state of grieving for years. she has been totally bedridden for ten years now and so far signs show that she can continue on for more years...I don't know who she is able to do it. The good days are good...but the bad days are the worsed. I have abnormal sleep patterns do to this situation. I wrote a threas about this in the ageing catogary. I just didn't want you to feel were not alone.

[soaring eagle]

Hi Soaring Eagle...love the user name by the way. Although I may not be able to relate to everything you are feeling..but guilt is something I can relate to...I have caring for my mother who has MS for over six years now, mostly on my own...I love her dearly, but it is taking has taken its toll, she needs 24 hour care. I have no if any time for myself and family has abandoned us. Lately I have felt very guilty thinking of the time when she will pass away so that I can resume my life..I feel very bad about this and selfish about it...I feel I have been in a state of grieving for years. she has been totally bedridden for ten years now and so far signs show that she can continue on for more years...I don't know who she is able to do it. The good days are good...but the bad days are the worsed. I have abnormal sleep patterns do to this situation. I wrote a threas about this in the ageing catogary. I just didn't want you to feel were not alone.

I don't hate her thought actually i feel sad for her:( Who knows what kind of life she had to endure.

And plus I met my real mother and she is a kind of person who only thinks of herself and doesn't even see us as daughters but rivals. So in choosing mothers it would be the foster mom at least in some way she loved us girls:)