Never be better

[misrbl1]

Why are the people who are supposed to love me and want to see me happy so content back to sit back and watch me die?

I feel so stupid for believing my wife when she said things were going to be different. She's still as overbearing, selfish, controlling, and irresponsible as ever. She has plunged us into financial ruin again, and again I had to give up something of mine to bail us out.

For those of you that don't know my whole story, I'll spare you ALL of the details. Suffice to say, after almost eleven years together, my wife set me up with another woman as a test. I failed that test, and we ended up falling in love. The night I was going to leave my wife, she threatened me with suicide, railroading me into staying.

It's been almost a year since that night. For almost a year now, I've died inside a little bit every day. My wife's temper and mood swings have become much worse, to the point that she has been violent with me again.

I still love the other woman, and I know she still loves me. I know we would be happy together. That's what would make me happy. but my family would have to bear the brunt if I left. My mom would have no place to go, and I wouldn't saddle her with my wife anyway. My wife's mom won't take her back, because they both have bad tempers. And there's the whole matter of my son. He has many medical problems, so it's not like I can just pack him up and leave.

So there it is. Trapped in a marriage to a violent psycho who I do not love, by a family, that could really give a damn if I live or die as long as things stay quiet. Every day I'm not with the woman I love is another piece of me that dies.

[malign]

"Why are the people who are supposed to love me and want to see me happy so content to sit back and watch me die?"

Better question: why is one of those people you?

Mis, there will always be all kinds of reasons why it's too hard to leave. And they may even be "right". You have to decide. But in order to do that, you have to hold it in your mind that it's you doing the deciding. As long as it's all stuff that other people are doing to you, you'll miss the parts that you're doing to yourself.