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Obsession - fear of becoming a pedophile


Krazyisnotfun
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So, first things, I have been diagnosed with OCD but it's mainly just O, so my thoughts are that I probably am not one...but this is still worrying me nonstop.

A little about myself...I'm an 18 y/o male with a 19 y/o gf. We're sexually active and have been dating for a little over a year now. All throughout my life, I've had intrusive thoughts, but they've been slowly getting worse and worse as time has gone by. Now I have a new one.

The other day I was at a family bbq. The day went fine at first, hanging out with my younger cousins etc. until my 12 y/o cousin and her family showed up. Now, I rather dislike this cousin, but I immediately noticed that she was looking pretty that day. I don't mean I was looking at her chest and butt, but I did notice that her face and her hair were done up rather nicely, and did find myself at least somewhat attracted to her. I wasn't watching her and thinking about her sexually or anything, just thinking to myself that she was quite pretty.

So the next day I was hanging out and I thought back to the previous day and the fact that I felt she was attractive. So then I began to wonder if it was weird, and soon I convinced myself I was a pedophile. So now for the past three days, I've been worrying constantly about whether or not I'm a pedophile, if I'm sexually attracted to my cousin, if I'm going to jail etc. I've been running constant scenarios involving her through my head to determine if I'm actually attracted to her and if they turn me on etc. and the more times I run them through my head, the more the feelings of arousal return and the more afraid I get.

I mean, I don't think I'm a pedophile or anything. I've never been turned on by anyone young until this past weekend, and I'm still not attracted to any little kids or anything. I mean, I'm sexually attracted to normal 18 year old girls in school and such, and I'm very sexually attracted to my girlfriend. It's just my cousin who's brought about these feelings of arousal and gotten me afraid to the point at which I no longer want to be around kids for the fear that I'll experience the same feelings.

I mean like, since this has started, I've begun wondering nonstop whether the idea of having sex with a child arouses me, and the more the thoughts and images run through my head, the more confused about my feelings I get, and the more frightened I get. I mean, does pedophilia just develop overnight like that? I've literally never had these thoughts before this previous weekend.

So if anyone has any advice, it would be very appreciated

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Krazy,

Commonly with OCD that involves destructive thoughts, it is the fear itself that keeps them from ever acting out on it. People with OCD that fear they may kill someone will isolate themselves from weapons and sometimes even isolate themselves from other people, because they feel they are a danger, even if they have never had a violent episode in their lives. Learning to shut off the OCD part of your brain is very difficult to do. If you don't already have a therapist, I would recommend it just to learn early how to shut it out and not let it turn into an obsessive thought.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Krazy,

It is natural for you, at age 18, to have sexual thoughts about your cousin who is attractive. You're having an anxious reaction to your sexual thoughts and that is triggering your obsessional thinking. You have a girl friend who is your age and that is what's most important. With regard to your younger cousin, just remember, you can look but you can't touch. With your girl friend, you can look and, with her permission, you can touch.

Do you understand the difference betweem your cousin and your girlfriend and how to treat them differently?

Allan

Edited by ASchwartz
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  • 2 months later...

im going through something very similar, i think it helps just to not consider the possibly of being a paedophile. just tell yourself that you are not one and try to forget about it but if the problem persists then you may have a problem.

if considering it is the only thing that opened you to the possibility of it, then considering it more will probably only amplify the problem, whether you are being paranoid or not.

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Guest ASchwartz

I want to ask a question about men and pedophilia. Are more men, especially young men, worrying that they might be a pedophile even though they have done nothing at all? If you think the answer is yes, then, why is this so, why are men worrying about this thing even though they really are not that way???

Allan

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