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Am I a pedophile?


Krazyisnotfun
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So, first things, I have been diagnosed with OCD, so my thoughts are that I probably am not one...but this is still worrying me nonstop.

A little about myself...I'm an 18 y/o male with a 19 y/o gf. We're sexually active and have been dating for a little over a year now. All throughout my life, I've had intrusive thoughts, but they've been slowly getting worse and worse as time has gone by. Now I have a new one.

The other day I was at a family bbq. The day went fine at first, hanging out with my younger cousins etc. until my 12 y/o cousin and her family showed up. Now, I rather dislike this cousin, but I immediately noticed that she was looking pretty that day. I don't mean I was looking at her chest and butt, but I did notice that her face and her hair were done up rather nicely, and did find myself at least somewhat attracted to her. I wasn't watching her and thinking about her sexually or anything, just thinking to myself that she was quite pretty.

So the next day I was hanging out and I thought back to the previous day and the fact that I felt she was attractive. So then I began to wonder if it was weird, and soon I convinced myself I was a pedophile. So now for the past three days, I've been worrying constantly about whether or not I'm a pedophile, if I'm sexually attracted to my cousin, if I'm going to jail etc. I've been running constant scenarios involving her through my head to determine if I'm actually attracted to her and if they turn me on etc. and the more times I run them through my head, the more the feelings of arousal return and the more afraid I get.

I mean, I don't think I'm a pedophile or anything. I've never been turned on by anyone young until this past weekend, and I'm still not attracted to any little kids or anything. I mean, I'm sexually attracted to normal 18 year old girls in school and such, and I'm very sexually attracted to my girlfriend. It's just my cousin who's brought about these feelings of arousal and gotten me afraid to the point at which I no longer want to be around kids for the fear that I'll experience the same feelings.

I mean like, since this has started, I've begun wondering nonstop whether the idea of having sex with a child arouses me, and the more the thoughts and images run through my head, the more confused about my feelings I get, and the more frightened I get. I mean, does pedophilia just develop overnight like that? I've literally never had these thoughts before this previous weekend.

So if anyone has any advice, it would be very appreciated

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