This is what he has said

[sadgreeneyes]

Deleted as I am getting a bit paranoid without reason

[randomperson]

Never heard you say this stuff before. Honest he has mental issues you need to leave, drop contact like I did. I wonder on my end if it was me or her.. you don't have to he has issues he has to deal with from what I read. Things likely won't change if he is like what I am reading. You won't be alone all your life if you have to leave him.

Good people deserve to find people that truly love them and don't play mind games.

Still in the end it is your choice. He does not have power over you please remember.

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi random and thanks for input and opinion, yes this is things he has said from the beginning and till a couple weeks ago. In between he has changed his words that he does love me and will not leave me, but this man is an abuser and has done a lot to destroy trust and he has never took responsibility for his hurtful words, this is the reason why I finally got strong enough to write him this long letter. I have tried before on sms to make him see what he is doing, but he always ignored my needs and feelings, he never woke up saying my god what have I done or said to you. He is playing mind games and play with my feelings, had no concern how much his words destroyed me. He has narcissistic traits, showed no empathy or remorse tossing me away like yesterdays trash when he thought he had no use for me anymore, this is what narcissism is. Its tragic and sad, its lovefraud. They have use for you only if you can give them something, whether it is visa, money, a home, sex or higher status of any kind. So he has no right to talk about doubt as he is the root to it. I wrote him another letter earlier tonight about my rights to have family as he threatened me again. The fact that he has narcissistic traits, narcissists agree to many things and then turn around as it suits them doing the opposite as they are deal breakers. If they see they can get away with their behavior they will continue and increase the abuse. We lose our soul in the end. And we get so numb and stops fighting or reacting to the abuse, we adjust just like when we have been put into cold water, after a while the water becomes not so cold, maybe even little warm in the end, this is dangerous when speaking about abuse. I have had 2 months getting back some strength, to take back charge, but still I am numb, but not numb enough to not speak up. I also got abused so much that I got some distaste and this led me to be stronger speaking up as I am not scared to death anymore if he leaves. It will hurt, but he has hurt me enormously already. If I should think of my husbands biggest mistake it must be he gave me time to wake up. Not sure yet will it work, but I am glad I have spoken my rights. I think I have done the right thing. I feel so much better when I take back some power. He might boil in anger after reading my email, but I must remember he is abusive and has no right doing this to me. I have the right to be loved and have a husband who loves me enough to respect me and may have family, and to be open about it, and not be a deal breaker.

I dont know what he will do, but as long as I stand my rights it will put him in a dilemma and he has to make a choice. He cannot say anything about this..me wanting kids..as we agreed before marriage. There is nothing he can blame me for about this as he is the one who broke the deal. He will try to manipulate me tomorrow and the next days, I know this, but I will not change my mind.

[sadgreeneyes]

And to write one more thing before I forget it once again, he also said before he divorced " its good for us both I leave you because your life will be miserable with me". Because he couldnt be close to any woman with affection, it would only be sex, so my life would be miserable as I wanted this affection.

When I said how painful it was for me he leave, he said "no its not painful" and said " I do it for you".

I have been feeling hurt, betrayed and decided all evening and to write down and remember everything of the horrible words he has said to me, makes me stay determined not to change my mind.

Just to remember these 3 things I added it a clear evidence he care less.

[SweetSue]

Hi sadgreeneyes

Im sorry you husband has said such a lot of extremely painful hurtful things to you

Are you sure that it is helping you - to remember all these things he says ?

Just wanted you to know, that you are worth so much more than this pain.

And well that Im listening, and hope'ing that you are okay

Take care

Sue

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi SweetSue and thank you,

I see no other way right now as if I dont keep myself in remembering how heinous and cruel his words was I will slip back into being submissive and let him have his way and I cant let that happen, I wont take the risk him using me and leaving me. He has to give me "something" I can hold onto. He has given me too many reasons to not trust him. Being a family would give me some safety, it would show me he´s not out just to use me for visa and leave. I have to say to him I want kids because this will lead him to either leave me or take responsibility for his promises of his love for me and give me some safety. I just have to do it this way, I cant and wont allow him to step all over me and I cant and wont allow myself to forget my dreams and to let him betray me the way he has. This is why it is so important for me now to not slip back into being manipulated. I will stand my rights and the only way to do that is to keep myself strong by remembering his cruel words and betrayal.

He didnt email me today, but I am sure he has read my email. I think he is thinking very much planning how to manipulate me or he has vanished. If he hasnt read the email yet he will soon and I will be ready stand up for my rights and then he can chose. Maybe it will be a blessing in disguise as Loneone said, I would hope for him to accept my wish, but if he leaves then it is his choice.

He has family, big family, he can use me for visa, leave me to bleed once again, deceive me. I have nothing if he uses me and leaves, I have no family, no one to turn too, I dont want to be deceived and left to bleed with nothing that keeps me bonded to him. If he gave me a child I would have something with him forever. I cant trust he´ll be there for me. Because I am very sure he wont. I wont forget myself anymore.

You are right, I dont deserve such pain. And now I let him chose to leave or accept my wishes.

[SweetSue]

Oh, sadgreeneyes,

Hun, you must be hurting ever so deeply

Erm, I dont know how to word this correctly, so forgive me if I offend you, as I do not want to.....................

Being a family - as in him giving you children - it would not solve anything, it may even make things harder for you. Having a child will not stop the way he has treated and continues to treat you.

I can understand you wanting children - and wanting a family.

But dont you want to have a family with someone that treats you with love and respect ?

I have no family hun, but its okay - its hard at times, but I manage. Dont be afraid to follow your heart, and find happiness. You deserve to be happy and to live without fear of abuse.

Take good care of you

[sadgreeneyes]

I know what you mean Sue and you are absolutely right in that it would be better having children with someone who treats me nice. The problem is I have hard time letting him go, its him who needs to leave me. So I stand up for my rights in the way that I wont feel so betrayed as I am, yes it is so extremely hard and exhausting for me to not have anything to hold onto. I know him giving me children probably wont stop his behavior, my main reason for doing this is to make it harder for him to use and abuse me and maybe leave me...meaning it may be too difficult for him wanting a child with me as it will ruin his plans. I am very sure he will not stay by my side if I stand my rights. I do this more to protect myself. Lets say if I gave into his demands it would make me feel horrible and my soul would about not existing and I would resent him all the time for what he took away from me, I have told him I resent him for this. If he accept my wish it doesnt necessary mean I want children with him, but I would at least feel better as I cannot seem to let him go. I think you understand what I mean? I´m not so good explaining but its more to protect myself against feeling like a doormat. I also read how important it is to stand up for your rights with a narcissist as the narcissist will either make amends or he will vanish. I just have left to see what he will do.

I just know I have to do it this way or I will lose myself. Its a much smaller chance, I think, for him to want to continue with me when he see his plans doesnt work. I wish he would stay, but I think he wont. And if he wont then I will know for sure his words he loves me doesnt mean anything to him. Just as his promises. Narcissists promises are written on the wind, they dont mean anything. He can of course lie and say ok he wants children, but it would still make it real difficult for him being intimate with me. And I would anyway catch him having lied.

I`m sorry you have no family either. Its hard being alone. I know I just dont want to grow old alone, I want to know someone will be there for me forever. I hoped my husband would, but I dont think that is going to happen. He has shown who he can be.

I do know you mean it well and that you are right though, but I dont see other way to gather some control over my own life and destiny in this situation:o