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Was I abused?


Krazyisnotfun
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My mom and dad have been divorced since I was about two years old. (I'm an 18 y/o male currently, and heading off to college in the fall).

I used to go down to my dad's every other weekend until my schedule got too busy, and now I go down and see him whenever I'm able.

So, my father has always been kind of a controlling ass...He's never hit me or swore at me, but he loses his temper easily and it doesn't take much to get him to yell. He's also quite controlling about what we do/where we go etc. When I was much younger, probably starting when I was 5 or 6, and I was done with baths, he would make me shower with him whenever I needed to shower. This lasted a few years and never really bothered me at all. He never touched me or anything when we were in the shower and never made me look at him or touch him, but he did make sure that when I had to shower, he would shower with me. I don't remember exactly when this ended, but it was probably when I was around 8 or 9. I don't think it was any younger than that, but I really can't remember when it ended... The thing about this is that it never really bothered me at all.

On occasion, when I was showering, he would sometimes walk into the bathroom and do whatever he needed to do in there, whether it be fetch something from the medicine cabinet, take a quick piss etc. I wouldn't normally care except for that it was just a clear sheet of glass on the shower, not a curtain. When this started I was about 14, so it made me feel uncomfortable. After telling him to not do it anymore, and getting angry about it, he did so.

My dad also had no issues with walking around in the nude. He wouldn't go out of his way to do so, but he also didn't really seem to care much if anyone saw him naked. Sometimes if I was staying up late, he'd come and talk to me for a few minutes completely nude.

I think when I was about 15 or 16, he tried showing me some porn. I don't really love to watch porn, so I told him I didn't want to watch any with him. He never brought it up again.

However, the only thing that really bothered me was that occasionally he would go into graphic detail about the sexual things he would do with his girlfriends. He wouldn't talk about any of it for a very long time, but sometimes he'd say stuff like, "I don't like that girl, her pussy doesn't get wet." or, "oh she was hot, her body would shake during sex." etc. etc. This too stopped once I complained about it.

So it never really bothered me until I sat down today and began to reflect on it all (a bad habit, considering I have Pure O OCD). I mean, I don't know if he was trying to abuse me, if he's just an oblivious idiot, he if he just doesn't feel uncomfortable about all of that kind of stuff and feels open about it. Like I said, he never tried to touch me or to ask me about my own sex life. I plan to discuss this with my therapist when I see her next. Anything you guys have to say would be welcome :(

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Guest SomethingOrOther

Well, before you get that into your head, I don't believe what you described has to do with abuse. If your fathers boundaries were a bit loose, he seems to have accepted all boundaries you set.

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I don't think the nudity itself was abuse. I find it strange that he tried to watch pornography with you, though. The graphic talk is probably some kind of male thing, he didn't know how to bond with you, and some men just figure that every man likes women, so he wanted to brag about his conquests. I have met a few men that find it necessary to do the same thing with all of their guy friends and sometimes in front of me as well, which I find especially strange. My mother is the same way, and it has always bothered me a lot, because I feel I knew way too much about her sex life, and she would question me in very graphic ways about mine, which made me feel very uncomfortable. I think that's part of the reason that I choose to have a more respectful attitude when it comes to sex. Not that there is anything wrong with sex, but I think it can be perverted into something shameful and dirty and hurtful. I really respect the fact that you are such a young man that has set such clear boundaries with your father. I know how hard it can be for men sometimes to disagree with or even not imitate their father. Maybe you guys can try doing something together that you both enjoy to bond.

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